Its finally here - yes, thats right - we have risen from our lazy tourist chairs and uploaded some amazing images for your perusal - in case your the type of person who prefers visual aids to go with our intellectual material (coughmumcoughdadcoughswenson)!
From now on - if we update the blog, we will endeavour to put a couple of photos up on our photobucket! Yay - I can hear you cheering from here.
So add it to your favourites peeps because we may not mention this link again...here it is...ready....
http://s179.photobucket.com/home/ElaC10/allalbums
Peace out for now
Say hi to your papa
Ela & Kate xoxo
Monday, June 21, 2010
Miami
Day 28
We docked back in Miami port at around 7:30am – another sparrows fart wake up call as we had breakfast in bed, yes it’s a hard life :p Since we were efficient and pre-packed our bags the night before, we promptly left our cabin, said goodbye to the Carnival Liberty and headed for land.
We caught a taxi to South Beach Hostel – it was hoootttt. This, coupled with the fact that we didn’t shower on the boat = sweat and stink, so we were keen for a scrub. Because it was sparrows fart o’clock we couldn’t check in – so we dumped our bags and headed to south beach for a walk. It was still really early so nothing was open –which meant we were now hungry, smelly and sweaty – attractive.
We walked along the beach and Ocean Drive and ended up at Lincoln Bvd – the home of the Miami shopping. We went into Footlocker and decided it was finally time to buy those sneakers we had been talking about since Vegas – clearly we failed at this, so we thought it was about time we actually bought some. Footlocker had a sale on, so Totti bought a pink pair of converse high tops and I bought the traditional black and white version – the only difference (aside from the colour) was that Totti’s shoes cost $25 and mine cost $45, her midgety genetic makeup allows her feet to fit into children’s sizes.
We kept strolling and settled into a pizza place for lunch and to watch the Argentina game. It was pretty cool as the restaurant had the game broadcasting direct from the Spanish channel - we were both very amused by the enthusiastic commentary. So after the game we walked some more and decided to watch a movie at the local cinema, which p.s was 5 bucks and was like cinemax back home, so we were very excited about this. So to improve our already awesome movie experience, we bought some Cold Stone (which is like goodberries, but a million times more awesome and yum) and went to see the Killers. It was nice.
We decided that because we had been talking about our new sneakers since Vegas – that we should bring them out to play in Miami. New city, new shoes. Made sense at the time, no? Initially we were getting strange looks, to the point of walking past people in restaurants and entire tables stopped in mid conversation to stare at us. I mentioned in passing “maybe it’s ‘cause we’re the only ones wearing shoes” and that may have been the cause for all the sideways glances. So mere seconds after I made this observation, every other person was stopping and telling Totti how much they liked her shoes. “Oh hey, cool shoes” “I like your shoes girl”....... so I had shoe envy, and really couldn’t understand why hers were so much cooler than mine, since WE WERE BOTH WEARING CONVERSE!!!! *exhales in frustration*. And it just seemed to get worse, for me anyway – everyone loved Totti. Every second person on the street would just say hi to her, for NO REASON! Totti said she had been told in the past that she had “trusting eyes” and that she was very approachable. I found this highly amusing – as I know that she pinches increasingly hard, I have the bruises to prove it, and that she will attack while I am unsuspecting. She will lull you into a false sense of security and then make her move. When I pointed this fact out to her, she did indeed agree. So as we continued, the hello’s kept coming – in the end I was like “ok, do I have the words “F**k Off” written on my forehead?!
So it just kept getting better for her, she was told she was adorable, that they liked her shoes, at one point we were strolling down the footpath and this mighty ripped African American chap kindly obliged Totti when she asked if she could have a photo with him. We then heard beeping from the traffic lights and looked over to see the hottest looking boys we have ever laid eyes on. They were indicating that they wanted us to take a photo of them, as if to say, we’re as hot as that guy. Then to our surprise, they came and pulled up on the footpath next to us ....shirtless....tattoo’d....muscular....Puerto Rican.... They just seemed to love totti and her friggan shoes....actually, they just loved her (it’s beyond me why, they don’t know her farts could clear a room in about 5 seconds)...... So she got a photo with them, sat on their Vespa, touched their muscles – while I watched from the footpath and took the photo. Woo. The only salvation came when the boys asked Totti for her number – all of a fluster, blushing, but couldn’t wipe the grin off her face, priceless :p The funniest thing about the entire situation was that she seemed to have a momentary lapse in concentration, probably because she was too busy salivating, she gave the boys her phone number without the country code. Bless. But so the moral of the story is, clearly black and white converse are just too average in Miami. So by this stage I was pretty much sick of everyone loving Totti and told the boys they could have her, that I’d wait on the corner and they could bring her back in 20.
Oh, did I mention she had cool shoes?
So we strolled back to our hostel, Totti with a spring in her step and me dragging my average converse shoes along. We hopped into bed and set our alarms for 5.30am *cringe*. Universal studios the next day.
Day 29:
Another sparrows fart start – that was clever wasn’t it :p A 3.5hr bus ride to Orlando, but well worth the wait – universal is pretty friggan awesome!! We spent the day going on as many rides as we could – Shrek, The Mummy, Jaws, Terminator 2, Jimmy Neutron – THE SIMPSONS RIDE!!!!
So by this stage we were well peckish and decided a hot dog would go down a treat. While enjoying our footlong hot dogs, our pleasant atmosphere was interrupted by a monosyllabic and unenthusiastic drone of a voice “whack a mole. Who wants to whack a mole? It’s the funnest game at universal. It only takes two players to start a race. There’s a winner in every game. Whack a mole. Come whack a mole. Did you guys go see jaws? Did he kill him? He always does. I’ve been on the ride a million times and it’s just as scary as the first time. Whaaaaaaaaaaaack a mole” and so it went. Stupid mole. Whack her mole.
Unfortunately, well much to my distaste anyway ( I suspect Totti planned this intentionally so that we would in fact miss it) - we missed the grand opening of the Harry Potter theme park, which by the way, is SO friggan cool. Let us move on, I am still in mourning over this fact. And so before we knew it, it was time to hop back on the bus and head back to Miami. It was such a long day that we were glad to get back to our rickety bunk beds and pass out.
Day 30:
We expected a cruisy uneventful day, so we just opted to walk around Miami some more and maybe do some shopping. We were in Alvins Island – just a souvenir shop, t-shirts, shot glasses etc. We were casually browsing stuff – Totti was looking at sunscreen when through the door, walked Francesco Totti. I was literally lost for words, of all the people, in Miami??? I was like “Totti!!! It’s the REAL Totti!” I am still reeling from this fact, as I am now the envy of my entire family and can totally have bragging rights for like the next ten years. It was pretty friggan cool!!!! He was how ever a man of few words.....actually he didn’t say anything at all. But it completely made our day :)So on that very high note, we proceeded to do some more shopping and while away our afternoon. We went back to the same pizza place and watched Italy vs Paraguay. I opted to keep the fact that I was going for Italy quiet – everyone including Totti was keen to see us lose, plus everyone in the pizza shop was from Argentina, so I guess they had to hate us on principal. Lame game but anyways it was a good feed.
We were pretty pooped by our super eventful day, so headed back to the hostel, showered and went to dinner at TGI Friday’s. We weren’t really in the mood to go out, so we went back to the hostel and packed our stuff, in preparation for another super early wake up call, as we had a 7.30am flight the next morning.
With the prospect of New York upon us, we settled into bed and passed out. Lucky for me the farting was kept to a minimum on this trip – as we had a shared room *praises lord*.
So until next time Floggers and Boggers – Miami is worth it, lots of fun, lots to do, lots of hot people to see. Maybe try buy some bright pink converse and see if they love you as much as they love Totti.
Say hi to your dad for us,
Ela & Kate
Xxxx
We docked back in Miami port at around 7:30am – another sparrows fart wake up call as we had breakfast in bed, yes it’s a hard life :p Since we were efficient and pre-packed our bags the night before, we promptly left our cabin, said goodbye to the Carnival Liberty and headed for land.
We caught a taxi to South Beach Hostel – it was hoootttt. This, coupled with the fact that we didn’t shower on the boat = sweat and stink, so we were keen for a scrub. Because it was sparrows fart o’clock we couldn’t check in – so we dumped our bags and headed to south beach for a walk. It was still really early so nothing was open –which meant we were now hungry, smelly and sweaty – attractive.
We walked along the beach and Ocean Drive and ended up at Lincoln Bvd – the home of the Miami shopping. We went into Footlocker and decided it was finally time to buy those sneakers we had been talking about since Vegas – clearly we failed at this, so we thought it was about time we actually bought some. Footlocker had a sale on, so Totti bought a pink pair of converse high tops and I bought the traditional black and white version – the only difference (aside from the colour) was that Totti’s shoes cost $25 and mine cost $45, her midgety genetic makeup allows her feet to fit into children’s sizes.
We kept strolling and settled into a pizza place for lunch and to watch the Argentina game. It was pretty cool as the restaurant had the game broadcasting direct from the Spanish channel - we were both very amused by the enthusiastic commentary. So after the game we walked some more and decided to watch a movie at the local cinema, which p.s was 5 bucks and was like cinemax back home, so we were very excited about this. So to improve our already awesome movie experience, we bought some Cold Stone (which is like goodberries, but a million times more awesome and yum) and went to see the Killers. It was nice.
We decided that because we had been talking about our new sneakers since Vegas – that we should bring them out to play in Miami. New city, new shoes. Made sense at the time, no? Initially we were getting strange looks, to the point of walking past people in restaurants and entire tables stopped in mid conversation to stare at us. I mentioned in passing “maybe it’s ‘cause we’re the only ones wearing shoes” and that may have been the cause for all the sideways glances. So mere seconds after I made this observation, every other person was stopping and telling Totti how much they liked her shoes. “Oh hey, cool shoes” “I like your shoes girl”....... so I had shoe envy, and really couldn’t understand why hers were so much cooler than mine, since WE WERE BOTH WEARING CONVERSE!!!! *exhales in frustration*. And it just seemed to get worse, for me anyway – everyone loved Totti. Every second person on the street would just say hi to her, for NO REASON! Totti said she had been told in the past that she had “trusting eyes” and that she was very approachable. I found this highly amusing – as I know that she pinches increasingly hard, I have the bruises to prove it, and that she will attack while I am unsuspecting. She will lull you into a false sense of security and then make her move. When I pointed this fact out to her, she did indeed agree. So as we continued, the hello’s kept coming – in the end I was like “ok, do I have the words “F**k Off” written on my forehead?!
So it just kept getting better for her, she was told she was adorable, that they liked her shoes, at one point we were strolling down the footpath and this mighty ripped African American chap kindly obliged Totti when she asked if she could have a photo with him. We then heard beeping from the traffic lights and looked over to see the hottest looking boys we have ever laid eyes on. They were indicating that they wanted us to take a photo of them, as if to say, we’re as hot as that guy. Then to our surprise, they came and pulled up on the footpath next to us ....shirtless....tattoo’d....muscular....Puerto Rican.... They just seemed to love totti and her friggan shoes....actually, they just loved her (it’s beyond me why, they don’t know her farts could clear a room in about 5 seconds)...... So she got a photo with them, sat on their Vespa, touched their muscles – while I watched from the footpath and took the photo. Woo. The only salvation came when the boys asked Totti for her number – all of a fluster, blushing, but couldn’t wipe the grin off her face, priceless :p The funniest thing about the entire situation was that she seemed to have a momentary lapse in concentration, probably because she was too busy salivating, she gave the boys her phone number without the country code. Bless. But so the moral of the story is, clearly black and white converse are just too average in Miami. So by this stage I was pretty much sick of everyone loving Totti and told the boys they could have her, that I’d wait on the corner and they could bring her back in 20.
Oh, did I mention she had cool shoes?
So we strolled back to our hostel, Totti with a spring in her step and me dragging my average converse shoes along. We hopped into bed and set our alarms for 5.30am *cringe*. Universal studios the next day.
Day 29:
Another sparrows fart start – that was clever wasn’t it :p A 3.5hr bus ride to Orlando, but well worth the wait – universal is pretty friggan awesome!! We spent the day going on as many rides as we could – Shrek, The Mummy, Jaws, Terminator 2, Jimmy Neutron – THE SIMPSONS RIDE!!!!
So by this stage we were well peckish and decided a hot dog would go down a treat. While enjoying our footlong hot dogs, our pleasant atmosphere was interrupted by a monosyllabic and unenthusiastic drone of a voice “whack a mole. Who wants to whack a mole? It’s the funnest game at universal. It only takes two players to start a race. There’s a winner in every game. Whack a mole. Come whack a mole. Did you guys go see jaws? Did he kill him? He always does. I’ve been on the ride a million times and it’s just as scary as the first time. Whaaaaaaaaaaaack a mole” and so it went. Stupid mole. Whack her mole.
Unfortunately, well much to my distaste anyway ( I suspect Totti planned this intentionally so that we would in fact miss it) - we missed the grand opening of the Harry Potter theme park, which by the way, is SO friggan cool. Let us move on, I am still in mourning over this fact. And so before we knew it, it was time to hop back on the bus and head back to Miami. It was such a long day that we were glad to get back to our rickety bunk beds and pass out.
Day 30:
We expected a cruisy uneventful day, so we just opted to walk around Miami some more and maybe do some shopping. We were in Alvins Island – just a souvenir shop, t-shirts, shot glasses etc. We were casually browsing stuff – Totti was looking at sunscreen when through the door, walked Francesco Totti. I was literally lost for words, of all the people, in Miami??? I was like “Totti!!! It’s the REAL Totti!” I am still reeling from this fact, as I am now the envy of my entire family and can totally have bragging rights for like the next ten years. It was pretty friggan cool!!!! He was how ever a man of few words.....actually he didn’t say anything at all. But it completely made our day :)So on that very high note, we proceeded to do some more shopping and while away our afternoon. We went back to the same pizza place and watched Italy vs Paraguay. I opted to keep the fact that I was going for Italy quiet – everyone including Totti was keen to see us lose, plus everyone in the pizza shop was from Argentina, so I guess they had to hate us on principal. Lame game but anyways it was a good feed.
We were pretty pooped by our super eventful day, so headed back to the hostel, showered and went to dinner at TGI Friday’s. We weren’t really in the mood to go out, so we went back to the hostel and packed our stuff, in preparation for another super early wake up call, as we had a 7.30am flight the next morning.
With the prospect of New York upon us, we settled into bed and passed out. Lucky for me the farting was kept to a minimum on this trip – as we had a shared room *praises lord*.
So until next time Floggers and Boggers – Miami is worth it, lots of fun, lots to do, lots of hot people to see. Maybe try buy some bright pink converse and see if they love you as much as they love Totti.
Say hi to your dad for us,
Ela & Kate
Xxxx
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Cancun & Cruise
Cancun:
Day 16 continued:
We had a brief 2 hour stop over in Mexico City on our way to Cancun. Let me paint the picture for you...An airport, lots of Mexican non-english speaking people, Totti, Ela, Food. We had a quick bite to eat and then spent the last hour trying to make our way to our gate. Along the way we had to stop and ask airport staff whether we were heading in the right direction. At one stage, I said to Ela “ok, go ask that lady if we are going the right way”. Ela approaches the lady, a little flustered. She holds out her boarding pass as says “So...”. That’s it! She couldn’t string together a sentence. I lost it and it has been the running joke (by me) since then. That is all.
So after finally making it to our gate, we got to board the flight. So much for not getting a cavity search – Totti ended up getting frisked at Mexico City airport – much to Ela’s amusement :p And so finally, after a long day of travelling, we arrived to a hot and muggy Cancun. We caught our shuttle back to our resort and went straight to dinner. When our meals arrived we were promptly asked by the middle aged Mexican waiter “would you like some marijuana?” - it turns out he was serious, as he proceeded to ask us for our room number :p We politely declined, but found it equally hilarious. So after dinner we decided to go for a nice walk along the beach......which turned into an effing hike, as we got lost and couldn’t find the correct entry point back into our hotel. Fail. We ended up like three hotels away, and had to walk back along the main street in the dark with seedy people watching us as we walked by.
Day 17:
After a nice sleep in we eased into the day – much to Totti’s delight, the pool area provided the guests with “pods” – basically just a wicker sphere complete with pillows and mattresses for people to lie in. Totti envisaged spending her day within the safety of the pods – for some reason birds just seem to like her a little too much – it’s actually rather entertaining. Ela feels it’s because totti holds a resemblance to our winged friends, totti just maintains that they hate her. In a nutshell; birds just like to swoop/peck and/or chase her when ever they can. LOL. That is all. They generally strike when she least expects it – I’m not the only one to witness this strange yet hilarious phenomenon. In Monterrey, Michael didn’t believe that birds reacted this way to Kate, until he witnessed a pigeon take aim and dive bomb totti in the middle on St.Lucia. Priceless. ANYWAY – so the birds hate Totti.
We spent the rest of the day in the pool – Totti disturbed the romantic ambiance by bombing into the pool. The happy couples were not impressed, Totti how ever was well chuffed. Ela then tried to teach Totti how to float on her back. Yeah. No. It was pretty much like watching a pebble sink to the bottom of the pool. She just can’t do it. How ever after many failed attempts I think we managed to get some float time happening.
We went to the mall. We didn’t buy anything. We left the mall. That is all. We are small. We went to the Tequila store. We rode a donkey. We wore sombreros. This doesn’t rhyme any more. We left the store. That’s all there is, there isn’t any more.
Upon our return from our highly successful mall trip – Totti was greeted by the cheeky doorman “Hola Miss Walker”. WTF?! Ela was like “WTF dude, Miss Waker?”. Totti replied “Hello”. What ever – she loved it.
We ate dinner. We went to bed. Totti farted. That is all.
Day 18:
Xcaret!!
Today we ventured off to Xcaret. Xcaret is a giant nature park with lots of wildlife (Jaguars, Flamingos, Sharks, Turtles, Dolphins...you get the picture), Mayan ruins, a long river which runs through caves and much more.
We were greeted in the morning by our tour guide Alfredo. He was rather entertaining. We were the only English speaking people in our tour and he was very good with the translation which was handy! Too our amusement, our driver (name unknown) was busting moves to some gangsta hits on the trip out to Xcaret. Ela and I lost it when Eminem’s slim shady started pumping through the speakers. The driver was definitely in the zone...nothing could stop him...so we joined in and started busting our own moves to this great song!
Finally arrived at Xcaret...wow! It was huge. We headed straight for the river swim because it was effing hot. We got our locker, our towels, our pretty life jackets and off we went. We were pretty buggered after the first kilometre, we had another 20km to go! It was very refreshing. We went through about 3 caves, Ela got scared so swam faster through the caves. 3 hours later, we got out of the river and dropped off our snorkel gear and showered.
Next stop....all you can eat buffet, literally. It was so hot by this time we retired to the buffet to try and relieve ourselves from drowning in our own sweat. The buffet was HUGE. There were about 10 food stands with everything you could imagine: roasts, seafood, sushi, pasta, pizza, salad, fruit, dessert, burritos, tacos, cheeses, ice cream...We went crazy and piled up our plates like we hadn’t eaten in 3 weeks. My lord...we ate. We rolled back to our tables with our 4th plate of dessert to be entertained with some soft animal porn. Our table had direct view of the Jaguars – we witness the black jaguar try to put his moves on the orange jaguar. It was very humerous. He had no game and we watched on as he failed after every attempt.
For drinks, we ordered the Pia Maya. A giant pineapple filled with rum. Because it was so hot, we were pretty much two fat drunk ladies getting our dose of porn. Sick.
2 hours later, we finally dragged our fat bodies away from the food and sat under some trees. I can’t really remember what we were doing but it seemed like a good idea at the time! We then found refuge under a hut on some chairs where we passed out for a couple of hours.
We went to the show. We left the show. We watched the chickens hatch. We found Alfredo. We gassed and steamed up the van. Ela tried to douse the smell with her perfume. Totti blamed Ela for the smell. We laughed. We wrote “you are late” on the van door. We laughed some more. We were pretty delirious by this point as we started the day at 7am and it was 11pm by the time we got back to our resort.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Day 19:
Slept in. Ela got third degree burns. Totti laughed. We went on a party tour. We got smashed. Totti felt violated on several occasions. We danced on the bar and got free shots. Ela had a shot out of the waitresses cleavage. We did the congo. We drank. We danced.
We went to Congo, Senor Frogs and Coco Bongo. Coco Bongo was amazing. It’s this three storey nightclub with a stage and massive projector screen. They perform shows throughout the night. We saw Troy, Moulin Rouge, Spiderman, Broadway and heaps more. It was very cool.
We caught the seedy bus back to our resort.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....fart................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....laugh................zzzzzzzzz......
Day 20:
It was time for us to leave Cancun. We checked out and said goodbye to our Mexican bell-boys.
Hello...miami. We arrived to a hurricane. Not really...it was just a massive storm. We checked into to our dodgy hotel (we were staying at Port Miami because we needed to be on the cruise the next day). We decided to take a wander to find some food. It wasn’t raining at this stage so we thought we’d be fine. We found a chicken place – it was very tasty. It then started pissing down rain. So we swam back to our hotel, completely saturated. We were so keen for a hot shower....oh hell no....no hot water in this hotel. So we sat in our wet clothes like little orphan children. We watched a movie...well Ela watched the movie and I passed out. I woke up and was hungry so we went to Joe’s Cafe and got some popcorn, ice cream , bagel and juice. We fell asleep.
At about 3am...we were woken by some rather loud activity happening in the adjoining room. Now we can’t be certain, but it sounded like they were making a porno. 1 hour later...we were still awake and listening to our neighbour screaming the hotel down. She was clearly enjoying herself. Basically sounded like Maria Sharapova in a porno. Sick.
CRUISE:
Day 21:
We caught a shuttle to Miami Port where we proceeded to check in to Carnival Liberty. We were boarding a 1100 tonne cruise ship which is currently home to 1000 crew. The cruise is bound for the Western Carribean...yeah, you heard.
Once we boarded it was straight to the food! We ate a stinky hot dog and some nuggets. We hadn’t showered in a couple of days so we were pretty keen for that, however our luggage took a while to arrive so we wandered around trying to familiarise ourselves with the 11 storey ship.
Finally our luggage, a shower and a massive dinner. Our lives were complete.
We decided to make our way to the theatre to see the welcome aboard show. Our cruise director Butch called some gentlemen on stage, a newlywed Richard, Dale, married 25 years, and old George, bless his soul, who’d been married 60 years. Butch made them have a dance contest – Richard the newlywed, had to have rhythm based on principal, he was bleck, if he couldn’t dance, that would be a fail. So he had some moves. Dale was a super sized Texan. Fail. Enough said. Up until this point, George had been relatively subdued, so with some audience encouragement, he made his way gingerly to the front of the stage. Once the beat started pumping, George got moving, and much to everyone’s great amusement, he proceeded to strip. Not all the way of course, just a flash, but it was by far the most hilarious and genuine attempt – he was 60, he didn’t have to try and impress anyone. What a legend. The crowd gave him a standing ovation, and well deserved. And so on that happy note, we retired to our cabins and passed out.
Day 22:
First day at sea. We got room service for breakfast in bed. Then it was up to floor 11 for some pampering. We both got the Travellers Tension massage which was treatment of the head, neck, shoulders and feet. So nice. We then both got our hair coloured and cut. Ah...it felt...so nice.
We then went to floor 9 for some lunch. We had vegetable stir-fry. Far out...it was so tasty. We then proceeded to sit at the pool bar and watch 3498 people try and fit in the pool. We were approached by 2 young fellows, Justin and Joe. They asked us to dinner, which we politely accepted. Joe was very drunk and disorderly but rather entertaining. Did Justin mention he was single, a personal trainer, a lifeguard and awesome? Ahh....it was going to be a LONG dinner.
Totti out stunk stink. I never thought it was possible – but she out stank herself. Far out. She needed an exorcism of the ass. She literally almost farted me to death – it was like being in the effing holocaust. Peeeee-eeeewww!!!! I decided I needed some FRESH SEA AIR.
So we got ready for dinner...I thought it was going to be a dead end evening – but it was salvaged by totti. When Justin finished telling us his ambitions of becoming an underwear model for the tenth time in a row – he also mentioned he had a mole removed.......why...why oh why.. Totti “sooooo....did you chop it off....cut it up......and make some....GUACA-MOL—EEE” Oh dear. And that’s how the night ended.
We then made our way to the adult comedy show – Too funny. Joke of the night: The comedian (Phat Cat) was discussing the finer points of the song that goes a little something like
“my neck, my back....” we think you know it :p His mamma said “That girl is Nas-ty!!” he asked his mum “why?” she replied “ well if she’s asking you to lick her from her back to her front she’s going to get a yeast infection..... You gunna wake up with a loaf of bread on your face” we lost it – too funny. So wrong. Lol.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Day 23:
Cozumel. We had breakfast in bed and then we got off the ship to explore the island of Cozumel, Mexico. We caught the taxi to town and had a look at the local stores, and once we finished there we made our way to Playa Del Maya – a beach park with kayaks, jet skis, snorkelling, pools, trampoline, a giant inflatable mountain in the middle of the water, open bar, floating mattresses. Ahhh. So we had a nice relaxing day at the beach, went out on the kayak, got a floating mattress, Ela got more burnt, we ate some chicken, drank some daiquiris, that’s pretty much it!!!
Once back on the ship we showered and watched a movie, did some laundry, went to dinner and came back to our cabins and passed out.
Day 24:
After a sleep in, we had a pretty lazy day – sun baked. Ate. Ate.....ate....ate....Bummed. Snoozed. Then we decided to go and watch Butch’s Game of Love. As corny as it sounded, there was nothing better to do, so we thought we’d have nothing to lose. We were glad we attended – I don’t think either of us had laughed that hard in a VERY long while.
Three couples were called up on stage – newlyweds, a couple that had been married for roughly 26 years and then some old timers. So they were seated back to back on the stage and were handed a pen and paper each. At first they were asked a series on questions related to their time as a married couple; bad habits, first time they met, best sex they ever had, etc etc. Both partners had to answer and then the answers were read out loud to the audience . The most anticipated answers came when the couples were asked to describe their sex life in relation to a movie title. The newlywed husband answered “free willy”. The wife from the 26 year marriage answered “Gone in 60 seconds” – her husband came up with “Journey to the centre of the earth” Oh how we laughed. But the best answer came from the elderly couple, the wife’s answer was “Finding Nemo” and her husband stole the show with “Deep Throat” Everyone in the theatre literally wet themselves. He was a cheeky bugger.
Day 25:
Grand Cayman. Well –it was pretty much an island paradise. We spent the entire day swimming and walking along the beach, and we took a tour which took us to some dolphins, the Tortuga Rum factory and to a place called ‘Hell’ – it’s a bunch of creepy rock formations. Lol. Go figure. A pretty cruisy day all round.
When we got back on the ship, we showered and had an afternoon nap. After dinner we went to see the hypnosis show – it was pretty cool – some of the stuff he had the audience do was very entertaining, but we were more excited for the R rated version the next night....
Day 26:
Ocho Rios – Jamaica.
Needless to say – this has been the most anticipated stop for us on this entire cruise. We had one main objective – get someone to say “Yu Mun”. That didn’t take long at all :p Neither did getting offered some local ganja. We literally walked off the boat and through the port gates, when two men were quick to stop us and offer. We decided we’d count the amount of times we were offered some hash, and I think over the course of the entire day it totalled to about 7.
So we proceeded down the main street – Jamaica is beautiful, the island is green and is pretty much rainforest. There isn’t really a middle class – so the main city area is a riot of markets and cars and people. The mountains are where the rich people live.Their main productivity comes from coffee, aluminium and sugar. We were stopped by an older Jamaican man, nick named “Spicy” – he was good value, he persuaded us into letting him be our tour guide – Ela obliged hesitantly, as she maintained that he would take us into some deserted patch of jungle and kill us, chop us into small bits and then use our organs for some random voodoo ritual. Therefore she would never be able to fulfil her life’s ambitions, whatever they may be, and that her tortured soul would then plague Totti for the rest of her days.
As it turned out, he was a good egg – we drove up into the rainforest, it was stunning – along the way there were little stalls decked out with bright cloths and locally made trinkets and the usual touristy stuff.
The roads continued to wind, along the roadside the small houses were dilapidated but still home to some of the poorer Jamaican community – but despite their living conditions their spirit was never broken – we stopped and had the privilege of meeting a very lovely Jamaican woman by the name of June. She showed us some local herbs which smelled amazing, then we bought some t-shirts and bracelets and Totti’s salesman friend kindly offered to roll us a blunt. Lol. It was humid and the mozzies made a meal of us – but June was awesome, Ela was chuffed when she was told “I like your style, sista” (In a cool Jamaican accent).
From there we took a short drive into the countryside and then to Spicey’s home town – where we stopped at his local bar and had some Jamaican made rum and pepsi. Sooooo..Our day became interesting :p well relaxed, we made our way back down the mountain, and took a photo next to the waterfalls. Upon exiting the photo area – Spicy found us some super sexy Jamaican street cop boys, Kirk and Dwayne, who basically became our escorts for the day. We stopped at a bar where Ela was promptly made some Ganja tea and some old guy offered her Cocaine lol. More than content with the Ganja tea and a few more rums, the day became pretty amusing.
We spent the day wondering the streets and made inappropriate small talk with our escorts – entertained some local shop keepers with our amazing dance moves – they said they liked us anyway, and I suppose it was kind of true, since they topped up Ela’s ganja tea and also cause they said “we like you guys” – again, some old dude stoned off his chops offered us some ganja over the counter. LOL.
So – our escorts were pretty much ready to commit to marriage by this stage. We spent the rest of the day at a bar. We got them wasted and just drank away the afternoon, later joined by our crazy driver Spicy – we ended up having a pretty awesome day.
By the time we got back to our cabin we were pretty well off our chops – mind you it was only about 2pm. Sigh.
So after a couple of hours of trying to unsuccessfully play cards and well...not doing much at all lol. We showered and got ready for an early dinner. We bummed around and made it to the midnight hypnosis show.
The audience was asked to do some pretty hilarious stuff – like hallucinate that the host was starkers on stage, he asked the women to picture him with a huge wang, and some of the reactions were priceless. Most of the women recoiled in disgust, except for one African American woman whom sat back and soaked in the view with a most satisfied look on her face which plainly stated
“Dayyyuuum”. LOL. He also asked the women to simulate earth shattering orgasms and he asked the men to pretend that they were world class porn stars, with one objective: have sex with an inanimate chair (who in theory was a smokin’ hot woman). Wow. Lol. Some of the younger men opted for an errrmm...rougher approach, all usually coming from behind. One guy had the audience in stitches, he went down on the chair, yes, he went down on a chair. This one latino man put them all to shame, he had some moves. So overall it was worth staying up till midnight for.
Day 27:
Our last day at sea. We woke up at 12 and had lunch. We then went along to the towel animal making session. Random, yes, but every night when we come back to our rooms, there has been a little towel animal waiting on our bed for us. It’s rather cute. So we went and learned how to make an elephant and a dog.
Then we went back to our cabin and spent some time informing you all of our amazing adventures while writing this blog. Tonight we don’t have much planned, as we dock back in Miami tomorrow at 7.30am. So tonight we are going to watch the opening ceremony of the world cup and just relax.
It’s been a fantastic week – very relaxing, lots of good food, good fun and interesting people. The cruise staff has been brilliant and everything we’ve wanted or needed has been readily available to us. It’s so worth it and anyone thinking of doing a cruise – two thumbs up, you won’t regret it.
So for now we leave you, as we head to Miami for some more fun in the sun, a day at universal studios and South Beach. Ya Mun.
Say hi to your dad for us,
Kate and Ela xx
Day 16 continued:
We had a brief 2 hour stop over in Mexico City on our way to Cancun. Let me paint the picture for you...An airport, lots of Mexican non-english speaking people, Totti, Ela, Food. We had a quick bite to eat and then spent the last hour trying to make our way to our gate. Along the way we had to stop and ask airport staff whether we were heading in the right direction. At one stage, I said to Ela “ok, go ask that lady if we are going the right way”. Ela approaches the lady, a little flustered. She holds out her boarding pass as says “So...”. That’s it! She couldn’t string together a sentence. I lost it and it has been the running joke (by me) since then. That is all.
So after finally making it to our gate, we got to board the flight. So much for not getting a cavity search – Totti ended up getting frisked at Mexico City airport – much to Ela’s amusement :p And so finally, after a long day of travelling, we arrived to a hot and muggy Cancun. We caught our shuttle back to our resort and went straight to dinner. When our meals arrived we were promptly asked by the middle aged Mexican waiter “would you like some marijuana?” - it turns out he was serious, as he proceeded to ask us for our room number :p We politely declined, but found it equally hilarious. So after dinner we decided to go for a nice walk along the beach......which turned into an effing hike, as we got lost and couldn’t find the correct entry point back into our hotel. Fail. We ended up like three hotels away, and had to walk back along the main street in the dark with seedy people watching us as we walked by.
Day 17:
After a nice sleep in we eased into the day – much to Totti’s delight, the pool area provided the guests with “pods” – basically just a wicker sphere complete with pillows and mattresses for people to lie in. Totti envisaged spending her day within the safety of the pods – for some reason birds just seem to like her a little too much – it’s actually rather entertaining. Ela feels it’s because totti holds a resemblance to our winged friends, totti just maintains that they hate her. In a nutshell; birds just like to swoop/peck and/or chase her when ever they can. LOL. That is all. They generally strike when she least expects it – I’m not the only one to witness this strange yet hilarious phenomenon. In Monterrey, Michael didn’t believe that birds reacted this way to Kate, until he witnessed a pigeon take aim and dive bomb totti in the middle on St.Lucia. Priceless. ANYWAY – so the birds hate Totti.
We spent the rest of the day in the pool – Totti disturbed the romantic ambiance by bombing into the pool. The happy couples were not impressed, Totti how ever was well chuffed. Ela then tried to teach Totti how to float on her back. Yeah. No. It was pretty much like watching a pebble sink to the bottom of the pool. She just can’t do it. How ever after many failed attempts I think we managed to get some float time happening.
We went to the mall. We didn’t buy anything. We left the mall. That is all. We are small. We went to the Tequila store. We rode a donkey. We wore sombreros. This doesn’t rhyme any more. We left the store. That’s all there is, there isn’t any more.
Upon our return from our highly successful mall trip – Totti was greeted by the cheeky doorman “Hola Miss Walker”. WTF?! Ela was like “WTF dude, Miss Waker?”. Totti replied “Hello”. What ever – she loved it.
We ate dinner. We went to bed. Totti farted. That is all.
Day 18:
Xcaret!!
Today we ventured off to Xcaret. Xcaret is a giant nature park with lots of wildlife (Jaguars, Flamingos, Sharks, Turtles, Dolphins...you get the picture), Mayan ruins, a long river which runs through caves and much more.
We were greeted in the morning by our tour guide Alfredo. He was rather entertaining. We were the only English speaking people in our tour and he was very good with the translation which was handy! Too our amusement, our driver (name unknown) was busting moves to some gangsta hits on the trip out to Xcaret. Ela and I lost it when Eminem’s slim shady started pumping through the speakers. The driver was definitely in the zone...nothing could stop him...so we joined in and started busting our own moves to this great song!
Finally arrived at Xcaret...wow! It was huge. We headed straight for the river swim because it was effing hot. We got our locker, our towels, our pretty life jackets and off we went. We were pretty buggered after the first kilometre, we had another 20km to go! It was very refreshing. We went through about 3 caves, Ela got scared so swam faster through the caves. 3 hours later, we got out of the river and dropped off our snorkel gear and showered.
Next stop....all you can eat buffet, literally. It was so hot by this time we retired to the buffet to try and relieve ourselves from drowning in our own sweat. The buffet was HUGE. There were about 10 food stands with everything you could imagine: roasts, seafood, sushi, pasta, pizza, salad, fruit, dessert, burritos, tacos, cheeses, ice cream...We went crazy and piled up our plates like we hadn’t eaten in 3 weeks. My lord...we ate. We rolled back to our tables with our 4th plate of dessert to be entertained with some soft animal porn. Our table had direct view of the Jaguars – we witness the black jaguar try to put his moves on the orange jaguar. It was very humerous. He had no game and we watched on as he failed after every attempt.
For drinks, we ordered the Pia Maya. A giant pineapple filled with rum. Because it was so hot, we were pretty much two fat drunk ladies getting our dose of porn. Sick.
2 hours later, we finally dragged our fat bodies away from the food and sat under some trees. I can’t really remember what we were doing but it seemed like a good idea at the time! We then found refuge under a hut on some chairs where we passed out for a couple of hours.
We went to the show. We left the show. We watched the chickens hatch. We found Alfredo. We gassed and steamed up the van. Ela tried to douse the smell with her perfume. Totti blamed Ela for the smell. We laughed. We wrote “you are late” on the van door. We laughed some more. We were pretty delirious by this point as we started the day at 7am and it was 11pm by the time we got back to our resort.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Day 19:
Slept in. Ela got third degree burns. Totti laughed. We went on a party tour. We got smashed. Totti felt violated on several occasions. We danced on the bar and got free shots. Ela had a shot out of the waitresses cleavage. We did the congo. We drank. We danced.
We went to Congo, Senor Frogs and Coco Bongo. Coco Bongo was amazing. It’s this three storey nightclub with a stage and massive projector screen. They perform shows throughout the night. We saw Troy, Moulin Rouge, Spiderman, Broadway and heaps more. It was very cool.
We caught the seedy bus back to our resort.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....fart................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....laugh................zzzzzzzzz......
Day 20:
It was time for us to leave Cancun. We checked out and said goodbye to our Mexican bell-boys.
Hello...miami. We arrived to a hurricane. Not really...it was just a massive storm. We checked into to our dodgy hotel (we were staying at Port Miami because we needed to be on the cruise the next day). We decided to take a wander to find some food. It wasn’t raining at this stage so we thought we’d be fine. We found a chicken place – it was very tasty. It then started pissing down rain. So we swam back to our hotel, completely saturated. We were so keen for a hot shower....oh hell no....no hot water in this hotel. So we sat in our wet clothes like little orphan children. We watched a movie...well Ela watched the movie and I passed out. I woke up and was hungry so we went to Joe’s Cafe and got some popcorn, ice cream , bagel and juice. We fell asleep.
At about 3am...we were woken by some rather loud activity happening in the adjoining room. Now we can’t be certain, but it sounded like they were making a porno. 1 hour later...we were still awake and listening to our neighbour screaming the hotel down. She was clearly enjoying herself. Basically sounded like Maria Sharapova in a porno. Sick.
CRUISE:
Day 21:
We caught a shuttle to Miami Port where we proceeded to check in to Carnival Liberty. We were boarding a 1100 tonne cruise ship which is currently home to 1000 crew. The cruise is bound for the Western Carribean...yeah, you heard.
Once we boarded it was straight to the food! We ate a stinky hot dog and some nuggets. We hadn’t showered in a couple of days so we were pretty keen for that, however our luggage took a while to arrive so we wandered around trying to familiarise ourselves with the 11 storey ship.
Finally our luggage, a shower and a massive dinner. Our lives were complete.
We decided to make our way to the theatre to see the welcome aboard show. Our cruise director Butch called some gentlemen on stage, a newlywed Richard, Dale, married 25 years, and old George, bless his soul, who’d been married 60 years. Butch made them have a dance contest – Richard the newlywed, had to have rhythm based on principal, he was bleck, if he couldn’t dance, that would be a fail. So he had some moves. Dale was a super sized Texan. Fail. Enough said. Up until this point, George had been relatively subdued, so with some audience encouragement, he made his way gingerly to the front of the stage. Once the beat started pumping, George got moving, and much to everyone’s great amusement, he proceeded to strip. Not all the way of course, just a flash, but it was by far the most hilarious and genuine attempt – he was 60, he didn’t have to try and impress anyone. What a legend. The crowd gave him a standing ovation, and well deserved. And so on that happy note, we retired to our cabins and passed out.
Day 22:
First day at sea. We got room service for breakfast in bed. Then it was up to floor 11 for some pampering. We both got the Travellers Tension massage which was treatment of the head, neck, shoulders and feet. So nice. We then both got our hair coloured and cut. Ah...it felt...so nice.
We then went to floor 9 for some lunch. We had vegetable stir-fry. Far out...it was so tasty. We then proceeded to sit at the pool bar and watch 3498 people try and fit in the pool. We were approached by 2 young fellows, Justin and Joe. They asked us to dinner, which we politely accepted. Joe was very drunk and disorderly but rather entertaining. Did Justin mention he was single, a personal trainer, a lifeguard and awesome? Ahh....it was going to be a LONG dinner.
Totti out stunk stink. I never thought it was possible – but she out stank herself. Far out. She needed an exorcism of the ass. She literally almost farted me to death – it was like being in the effing holocaust. Peeeee-eeeewww!!!! I decided I needed some FRESH SEA AIR.
So we got ready for dinner...I thought it was going to be a dead end evening – but it was salvaged by totti. When Justin finished telling us his ambitions of becoming an underwear model for the tenth time in a row – he also mentioned he had a mole removed.......why...why oh why.. Totti “sooooo....did you chop it off....cut it up......and make some....GUACA-MOL—EEE” Oh dear. And that’s how the night ended.
We then made our way to the adult comedy show – Too funny. Joke of the night: The comedian (Phat Cat) was discussing the finer points of the song that goes a little something like
“my neck, my back....” we think you know it :p His mamma said “That girl is Nas-ty!!” he asked his mum “why?” she replied “ well if she’s asking you to lick her from her back to her front she’s going to get a yeast infection..... You gunna wake up with a loaf of bread on your face” we lost it – too funny. So wrong. Lol.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Day 23:
Cozumel. We had breakfast in bed and then we got off the ship to explore the island of Cozumel, Mexico. We caught the taxi to town and had a look at the local stores, and once we finished there we made our way to Playa Del Maya – a beach park with kayaks, jet skis, snorkelling, pools, trampoline, a giant inflatable mountain in the middle of the water, open bar, floating mattresses. Ahhh. So we had a nice relaxing day at the beach, went out on the kayak, got a floating mattress, Ela got more burnt, we ate some chicken, drank some daiquiris, that’s pretty much it!!!
Once back on the ship we showered and watched a movie, did some laundry, went to dinner and came back to our cabins and passed out.
Day 24:
After a sleep in, we had a pretty lazy day – sun baked. Ate. Ate.....ate....ate....Bummed. Snoozed. Then we decided to go and watch Butch’s Game of Love. As corny as it sounded, there was nothing better to do, so we thought we’d have nothing to lose. We were glad we attended – I don’t think either of us had laughed that hard in a VERY long while.
Three couples were called up on stage – newlyweds, a couple that had been married for roughly 26 years and then some old timers. So they were seated back to back on the stage and were handed a pen and paper each. At first they were asked a series on questions related to their time as a married couple; bad habits, first time they met, best sex they ever had, etc etc. Both partners had to answer and then the answers were read out loud to the audience . The most anticipated answers came when the couples were asked to describe their sex life in relation to a movie title. The newlywed husband answered “free willy”. The wife from the 26 year marriage answered “Gone in 60 seconds” – her husband came up with “Journey to the centre of the earth” Oh how we laughed. But the best answer came from the elderly couple, the wife’s answer was “Finding Nemo” and her husband stole the show with “Deep Throat” Everyone in the theatre literally wet themselves. He was a cheeky bugger.
Day 25:
Grand Cayman. Well –it was pretty much an island paradise. We spent the entire day swimming and walking along the beach, and we took a tour which took us to some dolphins, the Tortuga Rum factory and to a place called ‘Hell’ – it’s a bunch of creepy rock formations. Lol. Go figure. A pretty cruisy day all round.
When we got back on the ship, we showered and had an afternoon nap. After dinner we went to see the hypnosis show – it was pretty cool – some of the stuff he had the audience do was very entertaining, but we were more excited for the R rated version the next night....
Day 26:
Ocho Rios – Jamaica.
Needless to say – this has been the most anticipated stop for us on this entire cruise. We had one main objective – get someone to say “Yu Mun”. That didn’t take long at all :p Neither did getting offered some local ganja. We literally walked off the boat and through the port gates, when two men were quick to stop us and offer. We decided we’d count the amount of times we were offered some hash, and I think over the course of the entire day it totalled to about 7.
So we proceeded down the main street – Jamaica is beautiful, the island is green and is pretty much rainforest. There isn’t really a middle class – so the main city area is a riot of markets and cars and people. The mountains are where the rich people live.Their main productivity comes from coffee, aluminium and sugar. We were stopped by an older Jamaican man, nick named “Spicy” – he was good value, he persuaded us into letting him be our tour guide – Ela obliged hesitantly, as she maintained that he would take us into some deserted patch of jungle and kill us, chop us into small bits and then use our organs for some random voodoo ritual. Therefore she would never be able to fulfil her life’s ambitions, whatever they may be, and that her tortured soul would then plague Totti for the rest of her days.
As it turned out, he was a good egg – we drove up into the rainforest, it was stunning – along the way there were little stalls decked out with bright cloths and locally made trinkets and the usual touristy stuff.
The roads continued to wind, along the roadside the small houses were dilapidated but still home to some of the poorer Jamaican community – but despite their living conditions their spirit was never broken – we stopped and had the privilege of meeting a very lovely Jamaican woman by the name of June. She showed us some local herbs which smelled amazing, then we bought some t-shirts and bracelets and Totti’s salesman friend kindly offered to roll us a blunt. Lol. It was humid and the mozzies made a meal of us – but June was awesome, Ela was chuffed when she was told “I like your style, sista” (In a cool Jamaican accent).
From there we took a short drive into the countryside and then to Spicey’s home town – where we stopped at his local bar and had some Jamaican made rum and pepsi. Sooooo..Our day became interesting :p well relaxed, we made our way back down the mountain, and took a photo next to the waterfalls. Upon exiting the photo area – Spicy found us some super sexy Jamaican street cop boys, Kirk and Dwayne, who basically became our escorts for the day. We stopped at a bar where Ela was promptly made some Ganja tea and some old guy offered her Cocaine lol. More than content with the Ganja tea and a few more rums, the day became pretty amusing.
We spent the day wondering the streets and made inappropriate small talk with our escorts – entertained some local shop keepers with our amazing dance moves – they said they liked us anyway, and I suppose it was kind of true, since they topped up Ela’s ganja tea and also cause they said “we like you guys” – again, some old dude stoned off his chops offered us some ganja over the counter. LOL.
So – our escorts were pretty much ready to commit to marriage by this stage. We spent the rest of the day at a bar. We got them wasted and just drank away the afternoon, later joined by our crazy driver Spicy – we ended up having a pretty awesome day.
By the time we got back to our cabin we were pretty well off our chops – mind you it was only about 2pm. Sigh.
So after a couple of hours of trying to unsuccessfully play cards and well...not doing much at all lol. We showered and got ready for an early dinner. We bummed around and made it to the midnight hypnosis show.
The audience was asked to do some pretty hilarious stuff – like hallucinate that the host was starkers on stage, he asked the women to picture him with a huge wang, and some of the reactions were priceless. Most of the women recoiled in disgust, except for one African American woman whom sat back and soaked in the view with a most satisfied look on her face which plainly stated
“Dayyyuuum”. LOL. He also asked the women to simulate earth shattering orgasms and he asked the men to pretend that they were world class porn stars, with one objective: have sex with an inanimate chair (who in theory was a smokin’ hot woman). Wow. Lol. Some of the younger men opted for an errrmm...rougher approach, all usually coming from behind. One guy had the audience in stitches, he went down on the chair, yes, he went down on a chair. This one latino man put them all to shame, he had some moves. So overall it was worth staying up till midnight for.
Day 27:
Our last day at sea. We woke up at 12 and had lunch. We then went along to the towel animal making session. Random, yes, but every night when we come back to our rooms, there has been a little towel animal waiting on our bed for us. It’s rather cute. So we went and learned how to make an elephant and a dog.
Then we went back to our cabin and spent some time informing you all of our amazing adventures while writing this blog. Tonight we don’t have much planned, as we dock back in Miami tomorrow at 7.30am. So tonight we are going to watch the opening ceremony of the world cup and just relax.
It’s been a fantastic week – very relaxing, lots of good food, good fun and interesting people. The cruise staff has been brilliant and everything we’ve wanted or needed has been readily available to us. It’s so worth it and anyone thinking of doing a cruise – two thumbs up, you won’t regret it.
So for now we leave you, as we head to Miami for some more fun in the sun, a day at universal studios and South Beach. Ya Mun.
Say hi to your dad for us,
Kate and Ela xx
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Monterrey, Mexico.
Monterrey, Mexico
Day 12 – continued...
We finally touched down in Meh-ico to a stinking hot Monterrey. We were expecting a nice quiet sleeping plane ride (seeing as we were the only ones who could speak English....at least that’s what we thought!) – however the lad in front of us was from Utah (a moreman!) and was quick to start up a conversation....which didn’t stop for the whole 3 effing hours. FML!
Mexico Customs is well...haha....basic to say the least! Ela put her bags through the x-ray machine...picked up her bags and headed straight for the exit doors. To both of our surprises, two armed men pointed their guns and yelled “ALTO! ALTO!” (Stop!) We were greeted at the airport by the lovely Michael (Kate’s eldest brother) and his fiancée Paulina. We were swiftly put in our town-car (a bit like celebrities really!) and then off we went.
We arrived late so after a quick chat, we went to catch some well earned zzzz’s.
Day 13:
We slept in till 11am...ahhh...bliss! Then Michael called us a taxi and we went to a couple of malls. So....kinda interesting to see how EVERYONE stares at us whities. Totti was a white tiger amongst all the orange ones! We are like an endangered species.
Shopping = FAIL! We didn’t buy one single item. Sigh.
We had a quick skype session with Ma and Papa Walker which was lovely Then....it was off to Nueva Luna (New Moon – restaurant/bar/nightclub/everything!). We had traditional tacos for dinner – 2 types of cow, chicken and sausage (simular to cabanossi). It came out on a giant hot plate, Deliciousness. Ela and I ordered 2 margaritas (expecting the standard measure)....oh hell no. When they came out they were literally a fish bowl with legs! And potent at that! So we proceeded to drink them...then a little sick...then some dancing. The Mexicans were intrigued with our dance moves (or lack of). One Mexican chica approached us and praised our dance moves and then proceeded to try and rape Ela! LOL.
Day 14:
Another sleep in. Michael took us to St Lucia – the heart of Monterrey which has a man made river through it which tourist boats travel up and down. The river has stores and restaurants along the bank. We walked for about 20 mins and then stopped at one of the stores and bought a watermelon popsicle. Yum. We caught the boat ride back...again “non intiendes espanol”. “Si”.
After a short siesta, we were taxied off to Paulina’s house for the much anticipated Bachelorette partay. Ah...how can we describe this. Picture 40 mexican lasses who don’t speak any English and then picture Ela and I entering the room and then the silence. Lucky for us, Paulina speaks both English and Spanish. However, Totti did dabble in the Spanish! The first language barrier was hit when Paulina was explaining to the group about our trip...to indicate ‘around the world’, Totti stuck her index finger in the air and twirled it in a circle motion. HA! FAIL. Apparently in Mexico, that movement means that you sleep around. That would explain the hysteric laughter. The second incident came at dinner. Totti queried whether the ‘salsa’ was JALEPENO. Well...that was the running joke for the rest of the night. We still don’t understand why!
The party begun with speeches. The tradition in Mexico is for a book to be made for the bride to be by her friends. There were lots of tears and although we didn’t fully understand what they were saying, we could tell everyone was very moved. It was very sweet.
The hightlight of the night was the Mexican dragqueens! OH MY GOD. There are no words...just check out the pictures. The dragqueens danced and sang and also told jokes. The jokes were in Spanish, however they did ALOT of actions (gyrating mainly!) to go with the jokes...it was clear to us, although we didn’t get the punch line, we could tell they were very dirty. At one point, the queen pulled out a dirty pad. BARF!
Paulina’s family were very sweet – despite the language barrier – we could tell that we were very welcome and they were happy to meet us! A very fun and interesting night
Day 15:
Clearly a communication error between Totti and her brother – she set the alarm for 8:30am and so we got up. Michael and Paulina slept in till 11. Fail.
Once we were all up, Paulina and Michael took us to San Tiago – about 30minutes out of Monterrey. We went to Collo del Caballo (the horses neck) - a national heritage park with a protected waterfall. We got a taste of a more traditional Mexican atmosphere – with lots of little stalls up the mountain selling lots of leather bound goods, lots of colourful cloths, maracas, food, Tequila :p
We made our way steadily up the mountain – covered in a canopy of tropical trees. The path was flanked by traditional stone grills where people were lighting them and having bbq’s which filled the air with deliciousness. And finally we made it to the base of the waterfall – it was massive. Once at the top you can see the trail it has carved into the mountain, and where the water flows all the way down to the bottom. It was pretty spectacular.
On the way back down we got caught in the tropical thunderstorm – it literally bucketed down rain!!! We found shelter in one of the little stalls and waited with a small cluster of other saturated mountaineers for the storm to pass. Some just opted to keep walking as they were already wet enough. Overall a great hike
On the way back – we did a drive through Carl Jnr (a burger store) in a Mexican cab. Nice. We got these gigantic delicious burgers with sliced and fried potatoes. Complementary jalapeno peppers included – as a challenge Ela ate one of the small tubs. Hello toilet – sucks to be you!
Totti and I then decided to showcase our amazing futbol talents – we went and joined in with some small Mexican kids in the street, who were very happy to have us. Again the sign language was used to indicate our desire to play. Lucky it was pretty basic – one point to ourselves, then another at the ball. Enough said. Game on it was a highlight for both of us – a great afternoon. Needless to say we dominated the little amigos!
We went down to St Lucia for dinner by the river. It was about 11:30pm by the time we got down there. So....Ela and I got the English menus – ah HOORAY! However, we still managed to fail at our order. You see, although the menu was in English, the ingredients were not so easy to understand. We decided we wanted an entree, so we pointed to the one that said “Cheese” – a word we know. The waiter bought out our entree – it looked like giant crackers with a little bit of cheese and a thick blot of vegemite....that, plus crap! We asked Paulina to ask the waiter “What the heck did we order”. After conversing with the waiter, Paulina turns to us and cracks up laughing and says “eewwwwwwww”. She proceeds to inform us that the black stuff is the root of corn mushed up with corn and fungi....that, plus crap! So we both agreed that since we ordered it, we must try it. Vom. It tasted like gooey, chunky mud...that, plus crap. It was awful. Totti’s teeth were pitch black – see photos. We scraped off the rest of the gunk and just at the crackers and cheese. Entree fail.
We got home at about 1am – after a quick skype with Ma and Papa Walker, we said our final goodbye to Paulina and went to bed.
Day 16:
We got up reasonably early and packed our bags. Michael had a class (he teaches English to the Mexicans) in the morning so we just waited until he returned. This afternoon we head off to the airport to catch our flight to Cancun via Mexico City.
Sooooo. When checking in baggage, we were shocked to find that their definition of scanning bags was erm....manual. Totti got her undies searched, much to her embarrassment – perhaps they were looking for something suspicious in her undies.....THAT, plus crap. Awkward. So we made it through check in and are now waiting to board our flight to Mexico City, then to Cancun. So in the hope that we don’t get a cavity search thrown into the mix, our next update will come to you via Cancun, complete with fluffy robes and infinity pools.
A day of laze and travel.
Adios for now,
Say hi to your Papi for us,
Kate& Ela xoxoxo
Day 12 – continued...
We finally touched down in Meh-ico to a stinking hot Monterrey. We were expecting a nice quiet sleeping plane ride (seeing as we were the only ones who could speak English....at least that’s what we thought!) – however the lad in front of us was from Utah (a moreman!) and was quick to start up a conversation....which didn’t stop for the whole 3 effing hours. FML!
Mexico Customs is well...haha....basic to say the least! Ela put her bags through the x-ray machine...picked up her bags and headed straight for the exit doors. To both of our surprises, two armed men pointed their guns and yelled “ALTO! ALTO!” (Stop!) We were greeted at the airport by the lovely Michael (Kate’s eldest brother) and his fiancée Paulina. We were swiftly put in our town-car (a bit like celebrities really!) and then off we went.
We arrived late so after a quick chat, we went to catch some well earned zzzz’s.
Day 13:
We slept in till 11am...ahhh...bliss! Then Michael called us a taxi and we went to a couple of malls. So....kinda interesting to see how EVERYONE stares at us whities. Totti was a white tiger amongst all the orange ones! We are like an endangered species.
Shopping = FAIL! We didn’t buy one single item. Sigh.
We had a quick skype session with Ma and Papa Walker which was lovely Then....it was off to Nueva Luna (New Moon – restaurant/bar/nightclub/everything!). We had traditional tacos for dinner – 2 types of cow, chicken and sausage (simular to cabanossi). It came out on a giant hot plate, Deliciousness. Ela and I ordered 2 margaritas (expecting the standard measure)....oh hell no. When they came out they were literally a fish bowl with legs! And potent at that! So we proceeded to drink them...then a little sick...then some dancing. The Mexicans were intrigued with our dance moves (or lack of). One Mexican chica approached us and praised our dance moves and then proceeded to try and rape Ela! LOL.
Day 14:
Another sleep in. Michael took us to St Lucia – the heart of Monterrey which has a man made river through it which tourist boats travel up and down. The river has stores and restaurants along the bank. We walked for about 20 mins and then stopped at one of the stores and bought a watermelon popsicle. Yum. We caught the boat ride back...again “non intiendes espanol”. “Si”.
After a short siesta, we were taxied off to Paulina’s house for the much anticipated Bachelorette partay. Ah...how can we describe this. Picture 40 mexican lasses who don’t speak any English and then picture Ela and I entering the room and then the silence. Lucky for us, Paulina speaks both English and Spanish. However, Totti did dabble in the Spanish! The first language barrier was hit when Paulina was explaining to the group about our trip...to indicate ‘around the world’, Totti stuck her index finger in the air and twirled it in a circle motion. HA! FAIL. Apparently in Mexico, that movement means that you sleep around. That would explain the hysteric laughter. The second incident came at dinner. Totti queried whether the ‘salsa’ was JALEPENO. Well...that was the running joke for the rest of the night. We still don’t understand why!
The party begun with speeches. The tradition in Mexico is for a book to be made for the bride to be by her friends. There were lots of tears and although we didn’t fully understand what they were saying, we could tell everyone was very moved. It was very sweet.
The hightlight of the night was the Mexican dragqueens! OH MY GOD. There are no words...just check out the pictures. The dragqueens danced and sang and also told jokes. The jokes were in Spanish, however they did ALOT of actions (gyrating mainly!) to go with the jokes...it was clear to us, although we didn’t get the punch line, we could tell they were very dirty. At one point, the queen pulled out a dirty pad. BARF!
Paulina’s family were very sweet – despite the language barrier – we could tell that we were very welcome and they were happy to meet us! A very fun and interesting night
Day 15:
Clearly a communication error between Totti and her brother – she set the alarm for 8:30am and so we got up. Michael and Paulina slept in till 11. Fail.
Once we were all up, Paulina and Michael took us to San Tiago – about 30minutes out of Monterrey. We went to Collo del Caballo (the horses neck) - a national heritage park with a protected waterfall. We got a taste of a more traditional Mexican atmosphere – with lots of little stalls up the mountain selling lots of leather bound goods, lots of colourful cloths, maracas, food, Tequila :p
We made our way steadily up the mountain – covered in a canopy of tropical trees. The path was flanked by traditional stone grills where people were lighting them and having bbq’s which filled the air with deliciousness. And finally we made it to the base of the waterfall – it was massive. Once at the top you can see the trail it has carved into the mountain, and where the water flows all the way down to the bottom. It was pretty spectacular.
On the way back down we got caught in the tropical thunderstorm – it literally bucketed down rain!!! We found shelter in one of the little stalls and waited with a small cluster of other saturated mountaineers for the storm to pass. Some just opted to keep walking as they were already wet enough. Overall a great hike
On the way back – we did a drive through Carl Jnr (a burger store) in a Mexican cab. Nice. We got these gigantic delicious burgers with sliced and fried potatoes. Complementary jalapeno peppers included – as a challenge Ela ate one of the small tubs. Hello toilet – sucks to be you!
Totti and I then decided to showcase our amazing futbol talents – we went and joined in with some small Mexican kids in the street, who were very happy to have us. Again the sign language was used to indicate our desire to play. Lucky it was pretty basic – one point to ourselves, then another at the ball. Enough said. Game on it was a highlight for both of us – a great afternoon. Needless to say we dominated the little amigos!
We went down to St Lucia for dinner by the river. It was about 11:30pm by the time we got down there. So....Ela and I got the English menus – ah HOORAY! However, we still managed to fail at our order. You see, although the menu was in English, the ingredients were not so easy to understand. We decided we wanted an entree, so we pointed to the one that said “Cheese” – a word we know. The waiter bought out our entree – it looked like giant crackers with a little bit of cheese and a thick blot of vegemite....that, plus crap! We asked Paulina to ask the waiter “What the heck did we order”. After conversing with the waiter, Paulina turns to us and cracks up laughing and says “eewwwwwwww”. She proceeds to inform us that the black stuff is the root of corn mushed up with corn and fungi....that, plus crap! So we both agreed that since we ordered it, we must try it. Vom. It tasted like gooey, chunky mud...that, plus crap. It was awful. Totti’s teeth were pitch black – see photos. We scraped off the rest of the gunk and just at the crackers and cheese. Entree fail.
We got home at about 1am – after a quick skype with Ma and Papa Walker, we said our final goodbye to Paulina and went to bed.
Day 16:
We got up reasonably early and packed our bags. Michael had a class (he teaches English to the Mexicans) in the morning so we just waited until he returned. This afternoon we head off to the airport to catch our flight to Cancun via Mexico City.
Sooooo. When checking in baggage, we were shocked to find that their definition of scanning bags was erm....manual. Totti got her undies searched, much to her embarrassment – perhaps they were looking for something suspicious in her undies.....THAT, plus crap. Awkward. So we made it through check in and are now waiting to board our flight to Mexico City, then to Cancun. So in the hope that we don’t get a cavity search thrown into the mix, our next update will come to you via Cancun, complete with fluffy robes and infinity pools.
A day of laze and travel.
Adios for now,
Say hi to your Papi for us,
Kate& Ela xoxoxo
Saturday, May 29, 2010
L.A and Las Vegas
Los Angeles, California
Day 6:
We left our hotel on Geary Street for San Francisco airport at the crack of dawn. To the shock of us both, turns out you have to pay for baggage on domestic flights in the US. Lame! Also be prepared to take your shoes off when you go to board your flight. WTF. Headache.
Once on the plane everything was ok – the flight was a lot nicer than our initial one. Hardly any turbulence. There was a little turd of a child who took a liking to Ela’s leg, and proceeded to scratch the crap out of it the entire flight. He thought he was funny. Ela had developed a twitch by the end of the flight, and had assumed the foetal position in a feeble attempt to get away from him.
And so we landed in L.A and had to wait about an hour on the run way – we were stuck in a traffic jam of planes. Fail. The bus ride to Hermosa beach was long – but worth it. Our hostel is right on the Pier – pretty much the hub of the city; bars, restaurants, shops – everything. Beach volleyball courts, surfboard hire – good fun. So on our first day here we just walked around and familiarised ourselves with the local area. A far cry from period stained sheets and receptionists with angry haircuts. The people here were so friendly and welcoming – the facilities and accommodation was really great, we’d recommend this hostel if you wanted to stay in L.A, somewhere a little quieter than the central city area. Local transport was really easy to use, and inexpensive ($1.25 bus ride – Bus 232).
Day 7:
DISNEYLAND!!!!! Definitely worth the 6am wakeup – it fulfilled all expectations and did not disappoint. The Indiana Jones ride was amazing, followed by the pirates of the Caribbean ride – spectacular. Totti got her thrills and some whip lash on the turbo charged train. The haunted house, sleeping beauty’s castle, peter pan’s flight, finding nemo (yes, we went in a submarine)- while waiting in line for that ride, a 30 minute line we might add, the wait was made worth it when out of the corner of Ela’s eye, she caught an 80 year old granny stealing a swift scratch of her vag. Needless to say we were in stitches. She was a sly dog. A highlight for us was the Buzz Lightyear ride and the captain E.O short film featuring Michael Jackson.
Day 8:
Hollywood tour – led by our hilarious bus driver Eddy, a 65 year old African American man who had us in stitches the entire time. We saw the set of Baywatch (Marina Del Rey), Venice Beach, Santa Monica, Rodeo Drive, Hollywood Blvd, Downtown L.A (Churros are A-Mazing), China Town and Little Mexico, and the Walt Disney Concert Hall. It was an absolutely massive day but for anyone looking to experience these places properly, you really would need 3 days in each place – there is so much to see and do. When we got back we met our Dutch roomie – who taught us how to say “you have a nuce bum” “f**k” and many other delightful, important and necessary terminologies :p
Las Vegas
Day 9:
FML. Another early start . Our backs were pretty much broken – the hike to the bus stop with our packs and bags was intense. We literally felt the burn, had to take strategic rest stops along the way. Fail. Caught our flight to Vegas – we met two delightful characters, sisters in fact, were like chalk and cheese. One decked out in pyjama pants with a floral design (vomit), a bum bag, old retro sneakers and those big old square sunnies. So she was like a bumble bee on crack. The funniest thing about them was that they were drunk as skunks bickering like no one else was on the plane. Totti and I were in hysterics the entire time. Highlight of the flight, Ethel “I’m uncomfortable” her sister turns around “well sit the f**k down then” You had to be there, but we lost it and in the end made friends with these two ladies.
We caught the shuttle to Caesars palace – for anyone wondering, no, the real Caesar does not work or live here. It was so overwhelming – speechless! When we got to our rooms – what a room!! Tv in you bathroom mirror anyone? The beds are HUGE – most comfortable beds in history. We also have robes. That is all. Money very well spent.
Day 10:
Finally a sleep in!!! The Price is Right, live stage show – complete with the token afro American woman sitting next to Ela who yelled out comments such as “HE ON CRACK!!” or “ HE GOTTA PUT DOWN THE PIPE” when contestants made apparently bad choices :p Went to the pool, wondered up and down the strip, found $1 cocktails, went on the rollercoaster in the New York New York hotel, went to M&M world, got lost in the Mirage Mile mall, got ripped off by a promo guy – guest list my ass. Ate dinner, got drunk, rocked Cleopatra’s barge, got hammered, danced some more, $2 Tequila shots, $1 margaritas, vomit. That is all.
Day 11:
We slept in till 10:30 – a rest well earned. Totti “ela, you dead man?” Ela “yam un”. Totti informed me that she caught her reflection in the mirror above her bed and crapped herself because she thought there was someone else in the room. Fail. And so we finally made it to these premium shopping outlets. There were over 150 stores to look through, with a huge variety of stores, anything from Jay Jays type places to Armani and D&G. We really wanted to buy new sneakers but failed, and so now we are being sloths on our amazingly comfortable beds, going to head to the Cheesecake factory for dinner and then to Cirque de Soleil. The circus was amazing – there was a giant pool for a stage, which turned into a floor, which turned into a pool, which turned into a floor....you get it. But the acrobatics were spectacular – the cast was made up of former Olympian synchronised swimmers and divers and gymnasts – definitely worth the money.
Day 12:
A pretty lazy day – got our stuff packed and checked out of Caesars, ready to make our way to Monterrey, Mexico to meet Kate’s brother Michael and his finance Paulina. Ole.
So until next time, hombres and senoritas,
Say hi to your dad for us,
Love Kate & Ela
xx
Day 6:
We left our hotel on Geary Street for San Francisco airport at the crack of dawn. To the shock of us both, turns out you have to pay for baggage on domestic flights in the US. Lame! Also be prepared to take your shoes off when you go to board your flight. WTF. Headache.
Once on the plane everything was ok – the flight was a lot nicer than our initial one. Hardly any turbulence. There was a little turd of a child who took a liking to Ela’s leg, and proceeded to scratch the crap out of it the entire flight. He thought he was funny. Ela had developed a twitch by the end of the flight, and had assumed the foetal position in a feeble attempt to get away from him.
And so we landed in L.A and had to wait about an hour on the run way – we were stuck in a traffic jam of planes. Fail. The bus ride to Hermosa beach was long – but worth it. Our hostel is right on the Pier – pretty much the hub of the city; bars, restaurants, shops – everything. Beach volleyball courts, surfboard hire – good fun. So on our first day here we just walked around and familiarised ourselves with the local area. A far cry from period stained sheets and receptionists with angry haircuts. The people here were so friendly and welcoming – the facilities and accommodation was really great, we’d recommend this hostel if you wanted to stay in L.A, somewhere a little quieter than the central city area. Local transport was really easy to use, and inexpensive ($1.25 bus ride – Bus 232).
Day 7:
DISNEYLAND!!!!! Definitely worth the 6am wakeup – it fulfilled all expectations and did not disappoint. The Indiana Jones ride was amazing, followed by the pirates of the Caribbean ride – spectacular. Totti got her thrills and some whip lash on the turbo charged train. The haunted house, sleeping beauty’s castle, peter pan’s flight, finding nemo (yes, we went in a submarine)- while waiting in line for that ride, a 30 minute line we might add, the wait was made worth it when out of the corner of Ela’s eye, she caught an 80 year old granny stealing a swift scratch of her vag. Needless to say we were in stitches. She was a sly dog. A highlight for us was the Buzz Lightyear ride and the captain E.O short film featuring Michael Jackson.
Day 8:
Hollywood tour – led by our hilarious bus driver Eddy, a 65 year old African American man who had us in stitches the entire time. We saw the set of Baywatch (Marina Del Rey), Venice Beach, Santa Monica, Rodeo Drive, Hollywood Blvd, Downtown L.A (Churros are A-Mazing), China Town and Little Mexico, and the Walt Disney Concert Hall. It was an absolutely massive day but for anyone looking to experience these places properly, you really would need 3 days in each place – there is so much to see and do. When we got back we met our Dutch roomie – who taught us how to say “you have a nuce bum” “f**k” and many other delightful, important and necessary terminologies :p
Las Vegas
Day 9:
FML. Another early start . Our backs were pretty much broken – the hike to the bus stop with our packs and bags was intense. We literally felt the burn, had to take strategic rest stops along the way. Fail. Caught our flight to Vegas – we met two delightful characters, sisters in fact, were like chalk and cheese. One decked out in pyjama pants with a floral design (vomit), a bum bag, old retro sneakers and those big old square sunnies. So she was like a bumble bee on crack. The funniest thing about them was that they were drunk as skunks bickering like no one else was on the plane. Totti and I were in hysterics the entire time. Highlight of the flight, Ethel “I’m uncomfortable” her sister turns around “well sit the f**k down then” You had to be there, but we lost it and in the end made friends with these two ladies.
We caught the shuttle to Caesars palace – for anyone wondering, no, the real Caesar does not work or live here. It was so overwhelming – speechless! When we got to our rooms – what a room!! Tv in you bathroom mirror anyone? The beds are HUGE – most comfortable beds in history. We also have robes. That is all. Money very well spent.
Day 10:
Finally a sleep in!!! The Price is Right, live stage show – complete with the token afro American woman sitting next to Ela who yelled out comments such as “HE ON CRACK!!” or “ HE GOTTA PUT DOWN THE PIPE” when contestants made apparently bad choices :p Went to the pool, wondered up and down the strip, found $1 cocktails, went on the rollercoaster in the New York New York hotel, went to M&M world, got lost in the Mirage Mile mall, got ripped off by a promo guy – guest list my ass. Ate dinner, got drunk, rocked Cleopatra’s barge, got hammered, danced some more, $2 Tequila shots, $1 margaritas, vomit. That is all.
Day 11:
We slept in till 10:30 – a rest well earned. Totti “ela, you dead man?” Ela “yam un”. Totti informed me that she caught her reflection in the mirror above her bed and crapped herself because she thought there was someone else in the room. Fail. And so we finally made it to these premium shopping outlets. There were over 150 stores to look through, with a huge variety of stores, anything from Jay Jays type places to Armani and D&G. We really wanted to buy new sneakers but failed, and so now we are being sloths on our amazingly comfortable beds, going to head to the Cheesecake factory for dinner and then to Cirque de Soleil. The circus was amazing – there was a giant pool for a stage, which turned into a floor, which turned into a pool, which turned into a floor....you get it. But the acrobatics were spectacular – the cast was made up of former Olympian synchronised swimmers and divers and gymnasts – definitely worth the money.
Day 12:
A pretty lazy day – got our stuff packed and checked out of Caesars, ready to make our way to Monterrey, Mexico to meet Kate’s brother Michael and his finance Paulina. Ole.
So until next time, hombres and senoritas,
Say hi to your dad for us,
Love Kate & Ela
xx
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Segway, Sausalito - San Francisco.
San Francisco
We arrived at Canberra airport at 8am, parents intact....but not for long. Needless to say there were tears, hugs and smiles coupled with nervous wees and poos and barfs.
Flight to Sydney was swell – a quick bus transfer to Sydney international. We sat there wtih broken backs – apparently 20kg backpacks aren’t that easy to get on, and seriously alter your centre of gravity. Fail. That is all. And so we sampled some of Australia’s finest Italian cuisine “mustard chicken pasta” to ease the pain. Who said carbs were the enemy?
We got through customs, as we were browsing through duty free, a kinda asian lady approached us and asked us if we’d like to play Wii. Because Ela is partially deaf (and perhaps RETARDED) – she responded gracefully “I don’t want no fucken Tandoori!!!” When the lady proceeded to look increasingly affronted, it finally clicked. By that time however, the damage was done. By this time Totti was in hysterics because she actually heard what the lady had said. Ela, fail.
After a long and painful 13 hour flight which consisted of crying babies, a turbine, a bum crack in Ela’s face, a broken entertainment system and turbulence which was enough to give Totti vertigo, So we just sat there making tampon jokes and dry retching cat noises to entertain ourselves. We finally touched down in San Francisco – yes, the home to Boudin and Clam Chowder.
Day 1
We successfully managed to get ourselves a shuttle direct to our hostel – thanks to Laurie’s. We arrived optimistic despite the rainy weather, only to have our spirits dampened by the pungent smell of stale pee and a complete effen mole at the front desk of the hostel. Maybe if she had a better haircut she wouldn’t have been so sad. We proceeded to try and check in – current time was 12:40, check in not permitted till 2. So the unhelpful bad haired staff agreed to let us store our baggage in a dingy lock and key cupboard. So with the slim ray of hope that the day would get better, we ventured forth into the San Francisco hills.
Following the recommendation of our customs officer at the San Fran airport, we located a Boudin’s bakery – the home of sourdough bread made from live yeast culture. Apparently there is some big clump of yeast (ha, yeast) that all the bread is made from – it’s meant to be over a hundred years old. Tasty. The most fascinating thing about the whole place was that the bread was carried from the bakery into the store in baskets hanging on an electric pulley system attached to the roof.
Despite being complete zombies after 2 days of no sleep, before calling it a day at around 5 pm. We got back to the hostel and finally checked in. Sigh. Our first shower out of home it was friggan insane, the water pressure was so hard that totti was like "dude! it's ripping my nipples off!" and then there was this mutant steroid munching mozzie in the bathroom. But no, it didn’t stop there – after a signle baked potato each for dinner, Totti found period stains on my sheets, when they were supposedly meant to be laundered, fail!! so we slept in the same bed hahahha we did find that particularly hilarious. We thought she may have contracted Chlamydia from the unsanitary conditions hahaha.
Sooo that pretty much sealed the deal – we were stepping up market and moving into a motel. Which turned out to be cheaper anyway. Take that, pee smelling hostel.
Day 2:
Perhaps the thing we’ve been looking forward to for about three months. SEGWAY! Yes, that’s right, we did. We caught the ferry to Sausalito (across the harbor from San Fran). We were greeted by “Segway Jeff” in the carpark behind the little Italian bar “A Taste Of Rome”.
After our Segway tour we caught the ferry back to San Fran, and geared up for our much anticipated Alcatraz Tour. We took the guided audio tour through the prison, a surreal experience to have walked through a place once home to the most notorious criminals in history.
Was a fun filled day – super tired by the end. So for dinner we ordered some Chinese takeaway, had a sanitary, mozzie free shower and passed out in a bed, period stain free sheets.
Day 3:
Soooooooooooooo... failed at being tourists today. While Ela was passed out, Totti decided to ignore the alarm and we slept till 11. Muahahaha. So we got up, dressed and went to eat brekky at Noahs Bakery, Pantene hair and all.
We decided to spend the day shopping, and did so on Market Street and on Union Square. It was so overwhelming we didn’t know where to begin – Macy’s, Abercrombie and Fitch, Westfield (craps all over ours) Nike Town – where we met “Rrrrolando” a kind young chap who offered to give us his number and show us around.
We then went for a dance right in the centre of union square where there was a latino band playing – good fun. And then possibly the highlight of the day – dinner at the cheesecake factory! Strawberry Creamsicle – vodka, crushed strawberries, ice cream and Disaronno. Yumo! With fried zucchini strips with ranch dressing to dip them into, and a MASSIVE Luau Salad. So – completely stuffed, we made our way back home with our take away apple and walnut cheese cake and some bubble bath to soak our calves in.
Day 4:
We did a hop on/hop off bus tour that took us around the main san fran attractions and most probably the highlight of the trip – across the golden gate bridge. Who would of thought we could get a kick out of going over a bridge? It was truly spectacular. Abit breezy, but spectacular.
We spent the rest of the afternoon in Sausalito – hiking around the upper suburbs. Starting price on a home is 2.5 million and rent is $2000 a week. Nice. After eating a hamburger in the park we decided to call it a day and get the bus back to San Fran – to see the “crooked” street. It literally is a street in San Francisco that zig zags from the top of a hill all the way to the bottom. That was pretty cool – aside from the calve burn and jelly legs we got from climbing Hyde street. But it was well worth it.
The evening led us to “Max’s” for dinner – where we met “Jorge”, pronounced hor-he, but to which totti liked to call him “hot hair”. Fail. We are working on he Spanish in time for our Mexican adventure. And so after a couple of nice drinks and a meal big enough to feed 4 people, we decided to take ourselves to the union sports bar where we met Aaron and Edwin – two drug dealers who looked like puff daddy – no really, totti actually asked “are you actually puff daddy” and “so are you going to call your peeps?” wtf. Much to ela’s pleasure, they did in fact reply “yeah, that’s exactly what we are doing”. But despite the good times, they were a tad to bleck for us, so we decided to phantom and head home. We were expecting a quiet walk back to the Monarch – only to be serenaded by an absolutely lovely homeless hobo Tanya – a middle aged black woman who could sing “and I am telling you i’m not going”. She kept trying to keep up with us, running ahead up the hill and pausing, busting out the spirit fingers and stating “this is where i’m at – and i am telling you” LOL. That really did top off a great night.
So now we move on to Hermosa beach, L.A. Sunshine, beach volleyball and ridiculously hot people everywhere.
P.S we did try Clam Chower – it tastes like powdery ass. That is all.
Check out some pics here: http://s179.photobucket.com/albums/w313/ElaC10/San%20Francisco/
Say hi to your dad for us,
Kate & Ela xx
We arrived at Canberra airport at 8am, parents intact....but not for long. Needless to say there were tears, hugs and smiles coupled with nervous wees and poos and barfs.
Flight to Sydney was swell – a quick bus transfer to Sydney international. We sat there wtih broken backs – apparently 20kg backpacks aren’t that easy to get on, and seriously alter your centre of gravity. Fail. That is all. And so we sampled some of Australia’s finest Italian cuisine “mustard chicken pasta” to ease the pain. Who said carbs were the enemy?
We got through customs, as we were browsing through duty free, a kinda asian lady approached us and asked us if we’d like to play Wii. Because Ela is partially deaf (and perhaps RETARDED) – she responded gracefully “I don’t want no fucken Tandoori!!!” When the lady proceeded to look increasingly affronted, it finally clicked. By that time however, the damage was done. By this time Totti was in hysterics because she actually heard what the lady had said. Ela, fail.
After a long and painful 13 hour flight which consisted of crying babies, a turbine, a bum crack in Ela’s face, a broken entertainment system and turbulence which was enough to give Totti vertigo, So we just sat there making tampon jokes and dry retching cat noises to entertain ourselves. We finally touched down in San Francisco – yes, the home to Boudin and Clam Chowder.
Day 1
We successfully managed to get ourselves a shuttle direct to our hostel – thanks to Laurie’s. We arrived optimistic despite the rainy weather, only to have our spirits dampened by the pungent smell of stale pee and a complete effen mole at the front desk of the hostel. Maybe if she had a better haircut she wouldn’t have been so sad. We proceeded to try and check in – current time was 12:40, check in not permitted till 2. So the unhelpful bad haired staff agreed to let us store our baggage in a dingy lock and key cupboard. So with the slim ray of hope that the day would get better, we ventured forth into the San Francisco hills.
Following the recommendation of our customs officer at the San Fran airport, we located a Boudin’s bakery – the home of sourdough bread made from live yeast culture. Apparently there is some big clump of yeast (ha, yeast) that all the bread is made from – it’s meant to be over a hundred years old. Tasty. The most fascinating thing about the whole place was that the bread was carried from the bakery into the store in baskets hanging on an electric pulley system attached to the roof.
Despite being complete zombies after 2 days of no sleep, before calling it a day at around 5 pm. We got back to the hostel and finally checked in. Sigh. Our first shower out of home it was friggan insane, the water pressure was so hard that totti was like "dude! it's ripping my nipples off!" and then there was this mutant steroid munching mozzie in the bathroom. But no, it didn’t stop there – after a signle baked potato each for dinner, Totti found period stains on my sheets, when they were supposedly meant to be laundered, fail!! so we slept in the same bed hahahha we did find that particularly hilarious. We thought she may have contracted Chlamydia from the unsanitary conditions hahaha.
Sooo that pretty much sealed the deal – we were stepping up market and moving into a motel. Which turned out to be cheaper anyway. Take that, pee smelling hostel.
Day 2:
Perhaps the thing we’ve been looking forward to for about three months. SEGWAY! Yes, that’s right, we did. We caught the ferry to Sausalito (across the harbor from San Fran). We were greeted by “Segway Jeff” in the carpark behind the little Italian bar “A Taste Of Rome”.
After our Segway tour we caught the ferry back to San Fran, and geared up for our much anticipated Alcatraz Tour. We took the guided audio tour through the prison, a surreal experience to have walked through a place once home to the most notorious criminals in history.
Was a fun filled day – super tired by the end. So for dinner we ordered some Chinese takeaway, had a sanitary, mozzie free shower and passed out in a bed, period stain free sheets.
Day 3:
Soooooooooooooo... failed at being tourists today. While Ela was passed out, Totti decided to ignore the alarm and we slept till 11. Muahahaha. So we got up, dressed and went to eat brekky at Noahs Bakery, Pantene hair and all.
We decided to spend the day shopping, and did so on Market Street and on Union Square. It was so overwhelming we didn’t know where to begin – Macy’s, Abercrombie and Fitch, Westfield (craps all over ours) Nike Town – where we met “Rrrrolando” a kind young chap who offered to give us his number and show us around.
We then went for a dance right in the centre of union square where there was a latino band playing – good fun. And then possibly the highlight of the day – dinner at the cheesecake factory! Strawberry Creamsicle – vodka, crushed strawberries, ice cream and Disaronno. Yumo! With fried zucchini strips with ranch dressing to dip them into, and a MASSIVE Luau Salad. So – completely stuffed, we made our way back home with our take away apple and walnut cheese cake and some bubble bath to soak our calves in.
Day 4:
We did a hop on/hop off bus tour that took us around the main san fran attractions and most probably the highlight of the trip – across the golden gate bridge. Who would of thought we could get a kick out of going over a bridge? It was truly spectacular. Abit breezy, but spectacular.
We spent the rest of the afternoon in Sausalito – hiking around the upper suburbs. Starting price on a home is 2.5 million and rent is $2000 a week. Nice. After eating a hamburger in the park we decided to call it a day and get the bus back to San Fran – to see the “crooked” street. It literally is a street in San Francisco that zig zags from the top of a hill all the way to the bottom. That was pretty cool – aside from the calve burn and jelly legs we got from climbing Hyde street. But it was well worth it.
The evening led us to “Max’s” for dinner – where we met “Jorge”, pronounced hor-he, but to which totti liked to call him “hot hair”. Fail. We are working on he Spanish in time for our Mexican adventure. And so after a couple of nice drinks and a meal big enough to feed 4 people, we decided to take ourselves to the union sports bar where we met Aaron and Edwin – two drug dealers who looked like puff daddy – no really, totti actually asked “are you actually puff daddy” and “so are you going to call your peeps?” wtf. Much to ela’s pleasure, they did in fact reply “yeah, that’s exactly what we are doing”. But despite the good times, they were a tad to bleck for us, so we decided to phantom and head home. We were expecting a quiet walk back to the Monarch – only to be serenaded by an absolutely lovely homeless hobo Tanya – a middle aged black woman who could sing “and I am telling you i’m not going”. She kept trying to keep up with us, running ahead up the hill and pausing, busting out the spirit fingers and stating “this is where i’m at – and i am telling you” LOL. That really did top off a great night.
So now we move on to Hermosa beach, L.A. Sunshine, beach volleyball and ridiculously hot people everywhere.
P.S we did try Clam Chower – it tastes like powdery ass. That is all.
Check out some pics here: http://s179.photobucket.com/albums/w313/ElaC10/San%20Francisco/
Say hi to your dad for us,
Kate & Ela xx
Thursday, May 6, 2010
P.M.S #1: Tale of the Travelling Turds.
Boggers and Floggers alike,
Perhaps for the final time, before we depart, we would like to impart on you, the art of the fart, as we hold it close, and dear to our heart. So without further ado, we bring you our first P.M.S (a Pretty Meaningful Session) and introduce you to a brand stinking new section of our blog; in this edition, a place to discuss all things to do with the bog.
We all, yes, that includes you - hold a certain soft spot for the toilet. It bears witness to, and marks many of life’s 1st’s –these moments are equally memorable achievements, as they are memories we’d rather forget :p It validates you as a competent and civilised human being from our first successful use of the toilet while toilet training, and compromises our dignity with our first morning after a big night – over the years, the toilet has been there for us in more ways than we care to acknowledge. From drunken conversations with randoms, to personal moments with a friend, a refuge for the Meangirls who eat their lunches in the cubicle, the toilet really is an integral part of our lives. We visit it every day without fail, it never complains, it’s always happy to accept our deposits – so really, if people dropped their kids off in your pool every day, and you got sat on by several different backsides, great and small, in our opinion, you’re worth a mention.
Our bowel movements are very important to us, and after close observation, we have noted that they are rather attached to our emotions. We are very open about body function, in fact poos, flatulence and toilet talk are a frequent and amusing topics we often discuss in depth. It then occurred to us that toilet use while travelling could be an adventure in itself, and therefore we couldn’t help but dedicate an entire entry to the subject – hence “Tale of the Travelling Turds”. So watch this space, as it will gradually get filled with random, hilarious encounters in overseas lavatory facilities.
We have a few concerns, and we’d like to share them with you. Everyone likes their own toilet, it’s no secret. What if overseas toilet paper is too scratchy? Frankly we proffer Kleenex. If we have to start wiping with leaves, we will be sure to select the softest option available to us, and make recommendations to you all, should you ever be in a paperless situation.
Stay tuned for the trials and tribulations of the Travelling Turds. Rice bubbles snap crackle and pop, but we splish, splash, plop.
So until next time, Ploppers,
Say hi to your dad for us,
Love Ela & Kate xx
Perhaps for the final time, before we depart, we would like to impart on you, the art of the fart, as we hold it close, and dear to our heart. So without further ado, we bring you our first P.M.S (a Pretty Meaningful Session) and introduce you to a brand stinking new section of our blog; in this edition, a place to discuss all things to do with the bog.
We all, yes, that includes you - hold a certain soft spot for the toilet. It bears witness to, and marks many of life’s 1st’s –these moments are equally memorable achievements, as they are memories we’d rather forget :p It validates you as a competent and civilised human being from our first successful use of the toilet while toilet training, and compromises our dignity with our first morning after a big night – over the years, the toilet has been there for us in more ways than we care to acknowledge. From drunken conversations with randoms, to personal moments with a friend, a refuge for the Meangirls who eat their lunches in the cubicle, the toilet really is an integral part of our lives. We visit it every day without fail, it never complains, it’s always happy to accept our deposits – so really, if people dropped their kids off in your pool every day, and you got sat on by several different backsides, great and small, in our opinion, you’re worth a mention.
Our bowel movements are very important to us, and after close observation, we have noted that they are rather attached to our emotions. We are very open about body function, in fact poos, flatulence and toilet talk are a frequent and amusing topics we often discuss in depth. It then occurred to us that toilet use while travelling could be an adventure in itself, and therefore we couldn’t help but dedicate an entire entry to the subject – hence “Tale of the Travelling Turds”. So watch this space, as it will gradually get filled with random, hilarious encounters in overseas lavatory facilities.
We have a few concerns, and we’d like to share them with you. Everyone likes their own toilet, it’s no secret. What if overseas toilet paper is too scratchy? Frankly we proffer Kleenex. If we have to start wiping with leaves, we will be sure to select the softest option available to us, and make recommendations to you all, should you ever be in a paperless situation.
Stay tuned for the trials and tribulations of the Travelling Turds. Rice bubbles snap crackle and pop, but we splish, splash, plop.
So until next time, Ploppers,
Say hi to your dad for us,
Love Ela & Kate xx
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