Day 62 – 75
Athens
We arrived at about 1am on day 62/63 and after a minor fuck up with our hotel booking we checked into our flash hotel. Ah so luxurious – free wifi, massive plasma and great beds! After a awesome sleep in we decided to spend the day re-connecting with the world seeing as we were spending the next day in Athens on our Greek Island tour.
So...we stocked up on cookies, juice, chips and spent the afternoon relaxing and preparing ourselves for our greek island top deck tour.
At about 5pm we met and gret with our new TD team. Abundance of aussies and one American flying solo – brave girl! From the moment we met our group we knew it was going to be a wild ride – a lot more people our age and only one couple – not that our first tour group was bad (love you guys) but this one had a different vibe.
We started to spot similarities in characters from our first tour – for instance...Team Blasian (blonde and asian) were apparent on first sighting and Steph McGregor clone (except the original has better drooling skills)!
We all went to dinner together to enjoy some Greek cuisine. Whilst at dinner, these ethopian men were walking around our table trying to sell dvds – ofcourse we want new dvds. So, naturally Totti and I sat the ethopians down and sifted through their collections and walked away with Alice in Wonderland, Twilight (the new one), Sex and the City (the new one) and Karate Kid (again...the new one). We were THAT excited about our new pirated movies that we wanted to bail on dinner and head to our hotel to watch them. Sad.
Twilight was GREAT. The occasional mid-movie pee break appearance and the odd “down in front” comment but other than that it was pretty much the Cinemax experience!
Athens
We would just like to give a huge shout out to The Baby Grand Hotel in Athens for providing normal, human, consumable, edible and TASTY breakfast foods. BIG FAT NORMAL GREEK BREAKFAST. It seems like for ever ago that we were able to track down a slice of toast and a glass freshly squeezed orange juice. We would also like to thank them for cat free eating areas and clean chairs to sit on! Much appreciated!!
So with full tummies and a couple of muffins for the road (yes, we are thinkers, plus we couldn’t fit them in for breakfast, so we had to compromise and take them for snacks – much to everyone’s envy come snack time :p) we went on a brief walking tour (although the walk was brief, it was stinking hot and we sweated like we were running a marathon) up to the Acropolis. Our tour leader Nikki (soon became known as Mummy) took us on a LONG ass walking tour – can we just add, she was wearing heels the whole tour. Oh the pain. We walked up to the acropolis and saw some stuff and some other things of the oldish kind. It was nice but not as good as the slushies we inhaled – owiii brain freeze!
We then spent the rest of the afternoon walking through the flea markets – getting hassled by greek men...and hassling them back! My favourite quote by Totti “You – too expensive” in her best greek voice! Such a wog.
In between dinner it was time to head to Cinemax again and watch Sex and The City 2.....well Totti did.......somewhere between Samantha trying to hold onto her youth and Kerrie trying to rekindle her marriage to Big. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Lol.
We met back up with our tour group and enjoyed a nice traditional greek dinner complete with greek dances to which some of the girls were quick to join in on. You will all be pleased to know that we are both seasoned wine drinkers now. Yeyah!
We kicked on at a local bar where we dominated some Ouzo (barf!) and hassled more greek men (gypsies). One girl...Mel Ho whom we nick-named MyHo was getting so frustrated with the dirty gypsy men that she bought a megaphone and proceeded to yell into it at his face “GO AWAY!”. Needless to say Ela and I were both in stiches.
Just as a side note – we downloaded the Shrek 4 iPhone application and entertained us...and everyone else with the “Do the ROAR” kid. Too funny. We all headed back to the hotel for some much needed shut eye before our walking tour in the morning.
Paros
FML. 5am wake up call to head to the port to catch our ferry to the island of Paros.
Pool for bombing. Tick.
Quad bikes for hire. Tick.
Boat to awesome beach. Tick.
Sand for making funny images. Tick.
Sand for burying. Tick.
So our life was pretty much complete. When we arrived we were well chuffed that the pool was right outside our room so we quickly swapped our jean shorts for our swimmers and did bombs.
We had lunch at a local cafe with the group while we waited for our hotel rooms to be serviced. At lunch we were well amused when we witnessed someone with a very simular random humour to ours. “What did you order for lunch”...MyHo replies in a Tourettes like outburst “MOUSAKA”. Far out we cacked ourselves. Guess you had to be there!
Soon bored, we decided to rock the beaches with our fros so we headed to the boat and off to Krios beach.
After a nice refreshing swim we started to get an itch to do something devious – so we got a half eaten apple and proceeded to make it into a face...and then built a body....and then gave it a extra long body part...the photos are priceless! Filia and Steph we shall privately send these to you! LOL!
We then thought it would be fun to bury each other in the sand and take photos – little did we know that half the beach were watching us and probably thought we were re-TARDS. But we had fun being sand monsters.
That night...well a bit of a blur really but it was good fun which ended in a swim of some kind – a true bomb-a-thon! We achieved two things that night: 1. The nickname Team Canberra and 2. A drinking record – which later got broken in Santorini.
Paros
The hangover – probably still over the limit we decided to get a group of cool kids and hire a bunch of quad bikes and hoon around the island...our leaders – US! Ela navigated, Totti at the wheel and off we went map in hand with our 7 quad convoy!
Seriously the best day ever complete with in-tune honking and holding up buses because we were too busy taking group photos and videos, that plus getting lost and one of our quads breaking down. Our convoy however seemed to think we were amazing (naturally) they felt that we would completely dominate The Amazing Race. Look out!
We stopped at random beaches all along the island every hour or so and went for regular swims and practised out floating skills (which p.s we would like to inform you are now world class. Even Totti who used to sink like a rock has come so far since her first floating attempt in Cancun).
We were accompanied by an awesome group of girls and guys whom we shall now give a shout out too: MyHo, Wallbanger, Paris, Amy, LN, Matty, Andy, sexy eyes Antonio! Miss you guys x
We met back up with our group and went and watched a beautiful sunset by the water – heaps of pretty photos.
The need for speed soon kicked in and we jumped back on our quads and headed north to the town of Naoussa (pronounced Noosa) for a walk along the old port and some dinner. It was such an exhilarating ride in the dark through the mountains however we had a minor hiccup when Paris’ bike started sparking from the back...but we are all still alive!
TRAVEL TIP: If in Paros, hire quad bikes – they cost 15 euro for 24hrs of pure awesomeness. The best thing is that you keep them overnight.
Mykonos
We spent the morning bumming around Paros before we headed to the port to catch our ferry to MYKONOS – the party island. On the way we were informed about a little fuck up at the hotel we were supposed to stay at – the bad news: the hotel double booked with another tour so we couldn’t stay there. The good news: they paid for all of us to be upgraded to a 5 star (yes 5 star) resort for the night. This made the 4 hour ferry much more bearable. When we arrived, we were chauffeured to our luxurious honeymoon 5 star resort complete with fluffy slippers and robes!
Our resort was that big it came with a map – the pool was infinity edge – there were several bars – a restaurant and a cafe...and free wifi!
We spent the afternoon relaxing on our private balcony overlooking the water and ducked in for a swim. One of the girls had her own Jacuzzi on her balcony. We were very spoilt.
That night we watched the sunset by the windmills and enjoyed a flash dinner on the water. It was then time to see what Mykonos had to offer in terms of nightlife. We started the night at the Mex Bar where we were showered with napkins...and alcohol...oh and free t-shirts. There was tequila, flaming shots, shakers full of potent shots and much more. MyHo was quick to pull out her booty moves and gave Coyote Ugly a run for their money by dancing the shit out of the bar. We were well entertained. Favourite quote of the night, Wallbanger “I have a really high threshold for alcohol”...3 minutes later “Fuck, I’m so smashed”. Ah...FAIL! lol.
We finally dragged our butts away from Mex and headed to the famous Scandinavian bar where we were again showered with free shots and t-shirts. YEYAH! We love free stuff. There was a pole in this bar which MyHo and Matty dominated. Lol. More bar dancing. More alcohol.
We got home safely. That is all.
We decided it would be a great idea to make use of our fluffy robes and slippers and head to the pool for a late night/early morning swim. It was rather cold so we didn’t last long but our robes and slippers (which we stole) were rather comfy!
Mykonos
We wore our slippers and free t-shirts to breakfast and drifted around the hotel lobby until we found the breakfast room. Lots of blood shot eyes and ‘no-showers’....Andy – you dead mon?! Lol.
We decided there was no better way to spend the day than to hit Super Paradise beach for some sun and salt water. The boat took for frickin ages to get there but with Pringles, Coke and icy poles with tattoos in hand we didn’t really care. We spent the day on the beach...that is all.
Round 2: We hit up Paradise beach, Tropicana bar...sausage fest! YEYAH! Lol. We were well over dressed in tights and a t-shirt as everyone was practically naked by the time we got there but we enjoyed it. Mmmm...
Tropicana bar closed at 12 so we walked up to Cavo Paradiso to see what was happening. It costs 35 euro to get in and we both agreed we’d be well devo if we paid and it was shitty, so we left the group and headed back into town. We drank and danced some more at Mex bar and then enjoyed a white nutella crepe...mmm....
TIP: Apparently Cavo Paradiso plays really heavy dance music but is a awesome venue on the cliff overlooking the water – not really our cup of tea but keep it in mind if you’re in Mykonos.
Santorini
The most anticipated island of the tour – we had all heard so much about Santorini. The sea was really choppy so we managed to get our hands on some TravelCalm motion sickness tablets and zonked out for the whole trip. YEYAH!
We got to our hotel early evening, showered and walked down the road to the local taverna for dinner. We were still fairly drowsy from the trip so decided to have a early night and invited the girls and Matty back to our room for a cinema experience screening The Karate Kid. Great movie.
Zzzzz.....
Santorini
Sigh. Breakfast fail again. Warm milk in 30 degree heat = soggy cereal. Anyway, so we got picked up by our private bus and made our way into the main town: we had an action packed day to come, cable car ride down to the port, hiking up an active volcano and then a swim into the hot springs to play with some mud. Yehyah! Followed by a hilarious donkey ride up 500 steps.
TIP: thongs hiking up a volcano = fail and most probably face plant into the schmelting hot lava. So, hungy, complain, tired, hot, more complain, thirsty, no water, schtinky, complain – “But whhyyyyy-ya!” “Doooooonnnttt- uh” You get the picture. We finally made it to the top of the4 stupid effing volcano and enjoyed a lovely group photo (our tour guide payed us out – as she was standing there with about 10 cameras in her hand, she forcefully reminded us that it is in fact 2010 “you know guys....there’s a thing called facebook...you can tag people” shut down lol), some warm water and stale cheesy Pringles. Ah, the good life.
After making it back down the volcano, we took our private boat into the entrance of the hot springs and bombed off the side into the 30 degree water. Which turned into minus 2 degree water, which heated back up to 30 degree water – so strange!! We doggy paddled, floated, waded – any other form of swimming, to the mud. Ah, the mud – it’s a shame we couldn’t get photos here, basically we all looked like Shrek or The Hulk. Apparently this mud is meant to be amazing for your skin, so instead of just having a face mask, we pretty much coated ourselves in it lol. Unfortunately it was time to swim back to the boat and head back for our donkey ride.
Fucken stupid donkey – we have both appreciated having bruise free and uninjured legs, the stupid animal thought it would be nice to crush us into the wall numerous times up the mountain. The situation was NOT helped when the little greek man ringing up the rear whipped the donkeys, only making them pick up bursts of speed and merge into a giant donkey orgy of stink! FFS! It was very fun and our favourite donkey name of the day “Wallbanger JR.” LOL! That’ll do Donkey, that’ll do! Eh, eh! See what we did there?
Sooooooooooooooo..... the mud turned us into Oompa Loompa’s, we were radiating bright orange. Fake tan much? We couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel so we could have a bomb-a-thon.
- Side note: The perfect bomb shall henceforth be judged based on three criteria
1: air time 2: Facial expression 3: the size of your splash.
We also convinced MyHo and Matty to have bellyflop competitions - rather entertaining!!! Their pain was our joy lol.
So, sick of looking like oranges, we decided to leave the pool and exfoliate our faces off. Lucky for us, the mud all eventually washed off and we were back to our bleck looking selves in no time.
Since being named “Team Canberra” or Team Berra for short, we decided that because it was our last night on tour, that we should go out with a bang. We made arm bands from the ripped sleeves of our Mykonos T-shirts and accessorised our outfits that way. Coolest kids in school.
We decided to follow suit and get a roadie to take with us on the bus, so we went across the road and got a take away vodka lemonade in a paper cup (classy) and hopped on the bus. So it was pretty much a repeat of Berlin, the measure of Vodka to Lemonade was rather overwhelming, vom. We made it into town alive, and watched what was most possibly the most beautiful sunset we have had the pleasure of witnessing.
After that, we got a quick bite to eat and headed to our first pub on the pub crawl list: Murphy’s. Well.....where to begin....two for one cocktails till 10:30 and complimentary shots......more two for one cocktails......the sailor hat.....the roses.....rum and coke.....rum and coke....lady gaga...MyHo bar dancing.....more rum and coke.....good night!
Next morning. F.A.I.L. – well.... Totti punished the dunny. I feel that this stench has reached the top of her shit- o –meter. She was even surprised at how much it stank. We pretty much spent the day feeling sorry for ourselves, we just assumed the foetal position in the hotel lobby and waited for our bus to take us to the port. Stupid crack head kitten had to disturb our serenity. This little bugger was burning around the lobby – then it found us and took a liking to clawing our feet off. Yes, we are tough, scared of a little kitten.
We were not looking forward to the 9 hr ferry ride back to Athens – so we popped another travel calm and fashioned ourselves some beds out of our seats and extra chairs and passed out for a good four hrs. The rest of the trip was rather entertaining – we just watched MyHo and Ellen bicker and pay each other out. Wallbanger was about to hit the wall ( A thankyou) “I need to get off this effing boat – NOW!”
We FINALLY arrived in Athens at 1am and dragged ourselves back to our room and hit the pillow. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
After a nice solid sleep, we all went down to brekky and said our goodbye’s – the last ten days has gone too quickly for our liking and we were sad to see everyone leave so soon. We’d like to thank everyone for making this trip so memorable – we hope you all make it home safe, and keep in touch. And don’t forget “We love dance, do do, do do do do do do, we love dance”
We then spent the rest of the day strolling around Athens and finally did some shopping (by shopping me mean more dvd’s off our Ethiopian dealers, we now have shrek 4, toy story 3, Grown ups, and a couple of random ones), went up to the acropolis and came across a little boy taking out his revenge on the pigeons in the town square. This was the highlight of the day – the elation on Totti’s face “LOOK AT THAT KID, HE’S STEPPING ON THE STUPID BIRD’S WINGS (LOL). Finally, someone who hates them as much as her. Too effing funny!
We said goodnight to the ice addicts shooting up outside our hotel and finally updated our blog!
And so we are gearing up for three weeks of Italian domination – food, food, and more food.
Yamas, bitches. Say hi to your dad for us.
Love, Team Berra xxxx
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
France
Day 54 France:
Rise and shine! We left the hostel and made our way to the train station at 8am. Usually this would look normal to morning commuters, we found however that we were drawing more attention to ourselves – what looked to be two small mountains of luggage navigating their way down the London streets were really just Totti and I trying not to take people out.
So we finally made it to the train station and stole some free wifi while waiting for our train. We dragged ourselves and our 40kg in total luggage past the FAST train passengers to our dodgy SLOW train where we boarded only to be told we were actually on the FAST train – so back we went to join the richeys! 2hrs later and we arrived in Paris – to some sun-sun-sunshine, lollipops and blue birds!
A big shout out to Papa Totti who navigated us to our hotel via Australia – yeah we suck, don’t judge us! After briefly getting lost and realising the Frenchies DON’T speak English but will try to give directions in French (helpful!) we made it to Hotel Malar – literally around the corner from the gorgeous Eiffel Tower. YAY!
Now before we go on, we’d just like to mention that we absolutely LOVED Paris and this city has by far kicked the arses of every other city we have visited thus far...to find out why, read below :p
After a quick clean shower, with fresh towels (don’t ask) and a proper leak free shower-head, we headed for the metro – destination....unknown! A big shout out to FILIA for donating her Lonely Planet pocket guide to Paris to us – it became very helpful! We jumped on the metro and headed to the Latin Quarter – after reading the Lonely Planet’s creperie recommendation...we kinda felt obliged to test taste these crepes and provide our own analysis. We indulged in the ‘chef’s recommendation’ – full of roast veggies and fresh feta cheese. Yumo! We also marvelled at the many jars of Nutella stacked three jars high and two jars back...this time we both died and went to food Heaven.
So....the latin quater :p The Latin Quarter is a student hub – it is named so because way back when, in ye olde France, the university students used the traditional Latin language to communicate among one another. It now harbours great night life, cheap but delicious food, cheap shopping, cute lounge bars and pubs and easy going, laid back atmosphere. The main hub is a roundabout with a fountain middle surrounded by cute little pubs and cafes. Get the picture, good!
While strolling down the streets (well rolling – two fat ladies again! Well actually, Totti just eats and I put on the weight for both of us :p I blame the Italian genes) we have discovered that European guys are NOT shy – we were casually strolling past a bar looking at cocktail prices and were wooed inside by a cute Parisian, who spoke French, Spanish and some broken Italian, somehow they just seem to get more perfect. And so we were forced to drink, again. Sigh. One tequila sunrise and one strawberry daiquiri, thankyou!
What to do...what to do....Eiffel Tower by night? YUP! We strolled around the masses of people lounging around the lawns of the Eiffel Tower enjoying their picnics. The were never ending lines up to the observation decks, so we entertained ourselves trying to talk down the Ethiopian salesman for his little flashing/flying thing. Don’t get the wrong idea, and get your mind out of the gutter, it was like a little neon helicopter which you flick up into the air with a rubber band. Totti managed to talk him down from 10 euros to 3, then got bored, so we left – guess you had to be there. We people watched for a while, and took one too many photos – we have become really obsessed with taking photos of the Eiffel Tower, and of ourselves near the Eiffel Tower, so we did that, along with enjoying the atmosphere, being in amongst the people and the perfect weather.
Day 55:
After a schmelting shit of nights sleep in our non-air conditioning rooms (fail Europe) – we peeled our melted faces up from our sweaty pillows, cold showered and off we went to meet up with the Fat Tire Bike tour.
For anyone going to Paris, we HIGHLY recommend, in fact it’s really a MUST when you come to Paris to do the Fat Tire Bike tour – day or night, they are both awesome.
We were on the 11am day tour and met up with our guide Scotty at the Eiffel Tower. The bike tour went for 4hrs and covers most of the main attractions – the Louvre, Ecole Militaire, Eiffel tower, Napoleon’s tomb, Alexander III bridge, Musee D’Orsay, Tuileries Gardens (where we stopped for lunch).
Two things:
1. BIKE NINJAS live in the Tuileries Gardens...yes, ninjas on bikes. We kidd you not, we saw the ninjas – they exist. The story is if you ride your bike through these gardens, the NINJAs come and judo-chop you to the dirt...literally. We were well impressed by ninja employment at its finest. Totes.
2. 2. HOLD THE PHONE – we stopped for lunch at about 1 pm – we were all well dehydrated, sunburnt and sweating like pigs so needless to say we were starving as well. We sat with some people from the States who were riding together. Shortly after we ordered, they got their food – delicious sandwiches and such. They were also presented with a bowl of fresh bread to accompany their meals – THEIR bread...not OURS. Ela...quick off the mark, as soon as the waiter put the bread down, she leaned over a STOLE (yes....STOLE), a piece of their bread. I quickly said “uh...Ela...pretty sure that’s not our bread”, to which Ela responded “oh..well...that’s awkward coz now I can’t put it back”. The Americans were not impressed by my friends sloth-like behaviour and didn’t speak to us for the rest of the lunch. Fail.
And so we continued on our ride...Les Invalides, Grand and Petit Palais and Place de la Concorde followed by our grand photo finish at the Eiffel Tower.
After 4hrs riding bikes in the stinking hot, we headed back to our non-air con room and passed out.
We went on the 7pm night tour the same day – fail in planning! We decided that we had learnt some things from the day tour – we could get away with wearing thongs (to avoid stinky feet) and we didn’t need to take our bags (to avoid sweaty backs). This plan turned out to bite us on the butt (like most of our plans). The night tour took us to various landmarks – one key place of reference would be the best ice cream shop in the WORLD – Berthillion Ice Cream. Well...fail to us, because us dum-dums left our wallets at the office so we had to sit on our bikes and watch everyone else lick their frickin ice creams in front of us. We were well salivating and didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the tour – it was all their fault! The night tour also took us to Notre Dame, Latin Quarter, the Islands (Johnny Depp’s house), the Louvre (action shots in the sunset), St. Chappelle, Academie Francaise, Pont des Arts.
The highlight of the night tour was the wine cruise – we parked our bikes and hopped on a massive ferry-like boat with hundreds of people. The ride went for about an hour – up and down the Seine river and the tour group received all-you-can-drink red wine. Now you all know that we just don’t do wine...well folks, now we do! We were all pretty tipsy as we left the boat and jumped back on our bikes – drink driving anyone. The trip home was quite hilarious – there were people running into each other, one girl sliced her toe open, one lady stacked it massively (we had to try and contain the laughter) but we made it home, however we have LOTS of mysterious bruises.
TIP: we have found that wifi in Paris is limited...however, Fat Tire Bike office offers FREE wifi. We literally sat in there for a good couple of hours and got in touch with technology. They also let you print. Get on it!
Day 56:
To the LOUVRE...yay! We love museums and art and stuff. Everyone has to go to the Louvre...so it was more of an obligation than a ‘want’ but anyways. We went and saw Mona, she was pretty cool – heaps of Asians taking photos – we wanted to pick her nose but we couldn’t get through the 6inch bullet proof glass. Venus had no arms, but Medusa had a pimped raft with heaps of dudes (boats n hoes). The Sphinx had lion properties – we made her roar and scared some kids. Totti found a ranga statue (well at least we envisaged him to be ranga) and fondled his beard. We admired numerous mini-genitalia and took photos. Ela liked the feet best. A fun day at the museum – we are all about making education fun.
One thing we did learn was that the Louvre was once someone’s house – it was kind of the running joke all day as to which room would have been mine. The place is effing huge – it would be way cooler if they turned it into a giant enclosed zoo – think of the possibilities.
So...missing out on the famous ice cream last night soon got the better of us, so we decided to ditch the Louvre and head to the ice cream shop. We got a little lost and ended up at a delicious Boulangeria (bakery type place) – we decided we should have savoury before sweet so we purchased some yummy quiches. Totti felt the need to sit on the river bed, I stayed on the bridge. Two seconds later, I checked in on her to see a random Frenchy sitting next to her – Totti looked well confused and seemed to be using a lot of hand gestures. I decided to watch on for entertainment value. Soon enough, Totti and her Frenchy boy come strolling up the stairs – “he doesn’t speak English”...great. Soon after, Totti pulled out the lonely planet book (thanks Filia) which we knew had some translation help at the back. The guy seemed to want to take us “touring” (I guess that’s what they call it these days....I thank you). Totti ended up telling the guy he was too expensive and that he looked like he was 40. Language barrier fail. Lol.
Back to the ice cream, we waited in line for about 5 minutes – but oh my, it was well worth it. The Berthillon ice cream spoils quickly so they make it fresh everyday which is why it is so distinct to France; they can’t export it anywhere. Now we have both eaten our fair share of ice cream during our years....let’s just say this ice cream SERIOUSLY is the best ice cream EVER. Even Ela admitted that it shat all over Italian ice cream – and that’s a huge statement from a wog.
Soooo... looking back on the whole day, we spent a majority of it eating :p So we decided to continue in that fashion and shop up a storm in preparation for our Eiffel Tower eating extravaganza. Which really was just Totti’s smoked cheese, ham, the best baguette in history and our A-MAZING desserts. One raspberry macaroon filled with custard cream and fresh raspberries (party in our mouth) and one strawberry/custard mini tart. Oh France, how we love you....along with our hips, and thighs, and ass. Food. The Eiffel Tower has to be #1 on any picnic destination list. We spent the evening feeding our faces, watching people eat yummy food, taking way better action shots than the girls next to us, laughing at people getting their pose on. Getting our pose on. Taking photos of us, with food – this has become a recurring theme in our ever growing photo library. We ended up spending a good few hours enjoying ourselves and our food, and decided it was time for more food; Nutella Crepes. After hearing me whinge about how amazing these are for about two years, Totti finally got to sink her teeth into this hazelnut delight. All she responds with, when I ask her how it was, is a squishy drool/ lip smacking sound, followed by a long satisfied sigh. That is all. With our bellies well satisfied, we attempted another schmelting sleep, before our super early rise the next morning .
Day 57:
FML. 6am. Moving luggage mountains through Parisian streets. Empty subways. Hungry. Tired. Hot. Thirsty. Feel sorry for us! We were making our way to the train station to catch our train to Nice. Totti reaffirmed that Pigeons (now known as Terrorists) really wanted to take her captive and hold her for ransom; they had somehow managed to invade the subway...which is underground. WTF! Thank god Totti had a mountain of luggage armour to hide behind – totes incognito. I see you pigeons, and challenge you to a duel!
5 hrs later and we were tired of playing shit head and listening to our ipods, we finally arrived in a schmelting hot Nice, which is actually really nice. I thankyou. See what we did there. We taxied to where we thought our hotel was...Rue Biscarra 18...FAIL. We finally found our hotel and were greeted by the friendly Pierre (how French!). Now...We’re really not sure how to describe this fellow – he was sitting at his little wooden table.....with documents.....NO COMPUTER....in a white killer outfit. He was erm.....a little too enthusiastic for someone sitting at a wooden table......with documents....and NO COMPUTER!!! WTF! He insisted we sit down, like really insisted, like drop your bags, and sit the fuck down. Ok. Please don’t hurt us! Totti later informed me that she thought we were going to be chopped into little pieces and fed to his poodles. To add to the oddity of this entire experience, she wanted us to pay cash, because he didn’t have a credit card machine..... WTF man, it’s 2010 – get on it! He actually did have one, just not plugged in. Well plug it in, ay! So it worked and we paid with plastic – THEN, yes there’s more, you will not believe this – leave your bags and follow me.......................................so by this stage we were both sporting worried/nervous/anxious/ trying to be casual facial expressions. We got finger printed – it’s the only way to get back through the hotel door. For someone who doesn’t have a computer or a plugged in credit card machine, this was a little too advanced for our liking. We were finally given permission to gather our bags, and we were escorted to our room; complete with a walking tour of the entire 2x2m space. It was a rather educational experience – did you know that there is a table in here, did you know it comes with chairs! And wait for it, we also have a fridge, to keep things cool! Don’t even – and air conditioning too! Do you know how to work it? And a television (which P.S doesn’t even work). Our couch that turns into a bed, that turns back into a couch. Now “zis is ‘ow you do eet – use your knees and you pull ‘ere, like zis, and zen you wait fore ze noise. Yes, zere it is, ze “click”, and viola! Ze bed!” Once he left we absolutely pissed our pants laughing . Ahh Pierre!
After our grand tour – which Pierre also explained to us on a map, he pretty much circled EVERYTHING and told us to go see it. Thanks. So we opted to go at it ourselves and just wondered off in the direction of the beach. Now, we are all for freedom of expression, but we feel that Europe needs to enforce some sort of breast etiquette, because we were forcefully reminded of Something About Mary at one stage. Supple and perky only policy, thankyou. We also noted that the French really do not like to remove hair. We have come across hairy face men, this time we came across hairy back man. I was like – nice t-shirt. So we took photos. We also noted that they enjoy wearing toight flamboyant budgie smugglers. Sooooo, we took photos :p We are yet to see a beach with sand – we are over these pebbles scraping our feet off! They are mighty comfortable to lie on. Not. It was a ‘Not’ Joke.
We strolled around a bit more and then headed back in the direction of our hotel. Surprise...we have a massive supermarket on the corner of our hotel street. So we decided it was time we saved some money and cooked for ourselves so we stocked up on oil, penne, diced tomatoes, garlic, salami, salt, bananas and OJ and went on our merry way. Ela got straight into the cooking and I sat on the couch, fed my face with salami and payed her out about the smell. We were very pleased with our savings though – 8 euro between us for all this goodness. Yeeyahhhhh! After enjoying a tasty home cooked meal (thanks wog), we headed out to watch the world cup final. So...about those savings...FML...2 rum and cokes later = 14.50 euro. Sigh. We got chatting to a Russian and Austrian boys...they were nice. We were really disappointed with the standard of the final – personally, we would have rather watched Belwest vs ANU. Lol! We did however get free coke horn-blower things to make lots of noise with....and noise we did.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Day 58:
We decided to see what the Old Town had on offer – well renowned for cheap and delicious food, we didn’t need telling twice. A pretty little village with small streets and crammed with people. Sort of like Venice, but better, and without the smell :p It didn’t take us long to find the sweetest shop in the village - a lolly shop with barrels and barrels full to the brim with deliciousness – naturally we couldn’t pass up the chance, so we happily spent at least 15 minutes selecting each lolly carefully.
We spent most of the day just enjoying walking around and taking it all in – we strolled into the antique market and enjoyed some slushies, they are the new ice cream.
Well tired and sweating our faces off, we came back to our little hotel room and updated our blog for your perusal, aren’t we kind. It then occurred to us that our hairs were looking a little grey/ranga/ feral, so desperate times called for desperate measures. To the supermarket! We returned with some dessert, some hair dye, nail polish, cookies and effing “Clementine juice” WTF! The carton looked like it had oranges on it – stupid fruity pictures! It turned out to be mandarin juice, vom! Another meal of pasta and we decided it was time for a makeover. Our we totally destroyed our only remaining clean towel, fail. Seeing as we only had enough hot water for one shower, we devised a full proof plan of attack, using our innate cunning survival skills. So, it went as follows. Rise all hair dye out. Water goes off. Lather, shave, scrub, pee. Water goes on - rinse ALL. Mission accomplished. We now have pantene hair again.
With our makeover almost complete, we applied nail polish while enjoying some chocolate mousse and a screening of Inglorious Basterds. We didn’t make it that far into the movie, and passed out half way through. We decided it was probably best to turn in, as we wanted to get an early bus out to the village of Eze.
Day 59:
Plan to wake up early – fail. Totti got up to pee, turned the alarm off, and we both passed out again. 2 hrs later – “what time is it?” - “9am”. Totally missed the first two buses :p After our gourmet breakfast of a banana and foul Clementine juice, we got ourselves organised and made our way to the bus stop. So we recommend the bus, as it only cost 1 Euro and will take you all the way to Eze, Monaco, Monte Carlo or Cannes. Roughly a 15/20 min bus ride and we were in Eze – it’s a medieval village on a cliff face – it looks like the remnants of an old castle now occupied by modern little galleries and clothes shops. We paid 5 euro to get into the exotic garden and to get to the top of the hill. The views are worth the hike and calf burn, we took lots of pretty pictures (which will eventually get uploaded, we promise!)
We then devoured another delicious baguette and sat down to devise our next plan of action. We some how concluded it would be an amazing idea to walk to Monaco – it didn’t look that far on the map, just a thumb and forefinger space apart! ............. .............................................................FAIL! Sweat, chafe, burn, complain, cramp, wee, thirst, dehydrate, sunstroke, complain, thorny bushes...many disgruntled honks from cars. Why did we walk to Monaco? We did initially wait at the bus stop........ten minutes, still nothing, so decided to take our chances on foot, thinking it would be quicker....not so much!
All we could be bothered doing when we FINALLY got there was having a slushy...Exciting, we know.
We got sick of watching people doing bombs off the diving board in the town swimming pool, so we decided it was time for us to say goodbye, before we strangled someone for their bathing suits and dominated the pool with our amazing bomb skills. Another fail for forgetting our own swimmers. I think we left our brains back at the hotel that day. So upon revision of our little day time hike – the bus option is most definitely safer, less hot, quicker and takes the scenic route :p
We couldn’t have been more grateful to be home in our little dingy apartment – sporting brilliant sunburn, and Totti with some kind of fungal chest growth, we passed out on our sofa bed and enjoyed the air conditioning. We woke up rather hungry (as usual) and decided that a nice steak would go down a treat, so we went to the supermarket and bought ourselves a nice cut of meat and some veggies. We are finding that it really is a VERY small world – we ran into Kelly Grocock from Belconnen United at the local supermarket – WEIRD!
After a healthy and cheap feed, we retired to our dodgy sofa bed for a well earned rest.
Day 60:
2 month mark...skiddy woop woop!
Today we are feeling particularly sorry for ourselves – more than usual anyways. Looking like fried tomatoes, we decided to venture to the shops for some retail therapy to ease the burn. Its Bastille Day today – a commemoration of the French Revolution, independence day if you like – so nothing was really open....except for a effing H & M. This franchise is seriously taking over Europe. So as we casually strolled our crisp bodies through the clothe racks....ding dong...it was fucking Andrew Symonds and his misses. Totti was well tempted to ask him where the local fishing spot was but chickened out....so we called him a Monkey instead – jokes!!!
After spending a good hour in the change rooms, we ended up only buying a couple of t-shirts, body spray and sunglasses. Fail. Damn you Filia and Steph for buying all the good clothes from all the H&M stores!
We decided we needed a nana nap – so off we went back to our dingy cell.
Rash update: the cortisone cream that the lovely French pharmacist gave Totti seems to be reducing the swelling and redness. Watch this space – there is a reason for concern because the information booklet for the cream says “WARNING: This cream may cause excess chest hair, thrush or uncontrollable twitches”. Right............
We decided vego was the way to go for dinner - so we bought a shit load of vegetables, some soup and spinach & ricotta ravioli. Yum...food heaven x2. We had overflow of food so we packed a little take-away box for our train ride tomorrow.
As the night dwelled, we had heard rumours that there may be a “Vunderbar” show in the evening where all the Frenchies go and hang out and sing Frenchy songs. So we agreed that we must attend such event. We walked to the central hub of Nice – about 2 minutes away – and treated ourselves to a delicious ice cream. We people watched for a good halfa before deciding we should ask someone for directions to the “Vunderbar” show!
Well....Vunderbar my ass. The streets were packed with people as were the pebbly beaches – we came to the conclusion that it had to be fireworks. FAIL. Skyfire shits all over France. The fireworks was literally a little man lighting one firework and then running to the next one to light it. Sigh. No music either. Double sigh. But nevertheless we made light about to situation and made “oo...ahh” sounds to the shitty fireworks.
Day 61:
Packed up and said Au Revoir to our French mate Pierre and Nice and boarded our train back to Paris. FML. We were sitting patiently waiting to board when this fugly, fat, stinky lady (who looked like a man) boarded our carriage and sat opposite us. She stunk like cigarettes, sweat, ass and non-shower-in-1-month....foul. So we both agreed it was our duty to try and out stink her with our butts....mission fail but we tried.
About an hour in, Totti felt peckish so it was time to unleash our package of delicious leftovers for the train people to food stalk. All eyes were on her and she scoffed her face with stir-fry veges and ravioli.
That was about as exciting as our train ride got until we arrived in Paris. This young girl (about 18 or so) was pushing her way through the line of people waiting to get off the train...well she totally pushed the wrong lady. This big black lady gave her a ear full (in French) and lots of in-her-face hand gestures. At one point the black lady’s son was holding her back because she was about to hit the young girl. It was full on – it was times like these we really wish we had subtitles so we could understand what they were saying.
We checked back into our Paris hotel and chilled for a bit before heading to the Eiffel Tower to meet up with our Topdeck friends – Mel and Ilce. It was really good to see some familiar faces and reminisce about the tour which seemed like so long ago. We headed to the Latin Quarter where we enjoyed some cocktails at a little bar. Our night was made complete by a AWESOME nutella crepe from Nico’s Creperia....ahhh...the taste is still in our mouths – so frickin good.
We metro’d it back to our hotel and said farewell to Mel and Ilce again...but we will hopefully see them soon in Mykonos.
Day 62:
With a sleep in under our belt, we decided it would be best to have some clean clothes to start our Greek Island adventure so we motored off to the Laundromat. After packing and then re-packing, we checked out of our lovely Paris hotel and headed to the awesome Boulangeria for the last time. One last baguette, one last macaron – we enjoyed our last Paris eating experience by our friend Eiffel and his mate Tower. Ah...the serenity.
We parted ourselves from Paris central and headed for the airport in the direction of GREECE.
Au Revoir France
Say hi to your dad
Ela & Kate xx
Rise and shine! We left the hostel and made our way to the train station at 8am. Usually this would look normal to morning commuters, we found however that we were drawing more attention to ourselves – what looked to be two small mountains of luggage navigating their way down the London streets were really just Totti and I trying not to take people out.
So we finally made it to the train station and stole some free wifi while waiting for our train. We dragged ourselves and our 40kg in total luggage past the FAST train passengers to our dodgy SLOW train where we boarded only to be told we were actually on the FAST train – so back we went to join the richeys! 2hrs later and we arrived in Paris – to some sun-sun-sunshine, lollipops and blue birds!
A big shout out to Papa Totti who navigated us to our hotel via Australia – yeah we suck, don’t judge us! After briefly getting lost and realising the Frenchies DON’T speak English but will try to give directions in French (helpful!) we made it to Hotel Malar – literally around the corner from the gorgeous Eiffel Tower. YAY!
Now before we go on, we’d just like to mention that we absolutely LOVED Paris and this city has by far kicked the arses of every other city we have visited thus far...to find out why, read below :p
After a quick clean shower, with fresh towels (don’t ask) and a proper leak free shower-head, we headed for the metro – destination....unknown! A big shout out to FILIA for donating her Lonely Planet pocket guide to Paris to us – it became very helpful! We jumped on the metro and headed to the Latin Quarter – after reading the Lonely Planet’s creperie recommendation...we kinda felt obliged to test taste these crepes and provide our own analysis. We indulged in the ‘chef’s recommendation’ – full of roast veggies and fresh feta cheese. Yumo! We also marvelled at the many jars of Nutella stacked three jars high and two jars back...this time we both died and went to food Heaven.
So....the latin quater :p The Latin Quarter is a student hub – it is named so because way back when, in ye olde France, the university students used the traditional Latin language to communicate among one another. It now harbours great night life, cheap but delicious food, cheap shopping, cute lounge bars and pubs and easy going, laid back atmosphere. The main hub is a roundabout with a fountain middle surrounded by cute little pubs and cafes. Get the picture, good!
While strolling down the streets (well rolling – two fat ladies again! Well actually, Totti just eats and I put on the weight for both of us :p I blame the Italian genes) we have discovered that European guys are NOT shy – we were casually strolling past a bar looking at cocktail prices and were wooed inside by a cute Parisian, who spoke French, Spanish and some broken Italian, somehow they just seem to get more perfect. And so we were forced to drink, again. Sigh. One tequila sunrise and one strawberry daiquiri, thankyou!
What to do...what to do....Eiffel Tower by night? YUP! We strolled around the masses of people lounging around the lawns of the Eiffel Tower enjoying their picnics. The were never ending lines up to the observation decks, so we entertained ourselves trying to talk down the Ethiopian salesman for his little flashing/flying thing. Don’t get the wrong idea, and get your mind out of the gutter, it was like a little neon helicopter which you flick up into the air with a rubber band. Totti managed to talk him down from 10 euros to 3, then got bored, so we left – guess you had to be there. We people watched for a while, and took one too many photos – we have become really obsessed with taking photos of the Eiffel Tower, and of ourselves near the Eiffel Tower, so we did that, along with enjoying the atmosphere, being in amongst the people and the perfect weather.
Day 55:
After a schmelting shit of nights sleep in our non-air conditioning rooms (fail Europe) – we peeled our melted faces up from our sweaty pillows, cold showered and off we went to meet up with the Fat Tire Bike tour.
For anyone going to Paris, we HIGHLY recommend, in fact it’s really a MUST when you come to Paris to do the Fat Tire Bike tour – day or night, they are both awesome.
We were on the 11am day tour and met up with our guide Scotty at the Eiffel Tower. The bike tour went for 4hrs and covers most of the main attractions – the Louvre, Ecole Militaire, Eiffel tower, Napoleon’s tomb, Alexander III bridge, Musee D’Orsay, Tuileries Gardens (where we stopped for lunch).
Two things:
1. BIKE NINJAS live in the Tuileries Gardens...yes, ninjas on bikes. We kidd you not, we saw the ninjas – they exist. The story is if you ride your bike through these gardens, the NINJAs come and judo-chop you to the dirt...literally. We were well impressed by ninja employment at its finest. Totes.
2. 2. HOLD THE PHONE – we stopped for lunch at about 1 pm – we were all well dehydrated, sunburnt and sweating like pigs so needless to say we were starving as well. We sat with some people from the States who were riding together. Shortly after we ordered, they got their food – delicious sandwiches and such. They were also presented with a bowl of fresh bread to accompany their meals – THEIR bread...not OURS. Ela...quick off the mark, as soon as the waiter put the bread down, she leaned over a STOLE (yes....STOLE), a piece of their bread. I quickly said “uh...Ela...pretty sure that’s not our bread”, to which Ela responded “oh..well...that’s awkward coz now I can’t put it back”. The Americans were not impressed by my friends sloth-like behaviour and didn’t speak to us for the rest of the lunch. Fail.
And so we continued on our ride...Les Invalides, Grand and Petit Palais and Place de la Concorde followed by our grand photo finish at the Eiffel Tower.
After 4hrs riding bikes in the stinking hot, we headed back to our non-air con room and passed out.
We went on the 7pm night tour the same day – fail in planning! We decided that we had learnt some things from the day tour – we could get away with wearing thongs (to avoid stinky feet) and we didn’t need to take our bags (to avoid sweaty backs). This plan turned out to bite us on the butt (like most of our plans). The night tour took us to various landmarks – one key place of reference would be the best ice cream shop in the WORLD – Berthillion Ice Cream. Well...fail to us, because us dum-dums left our wallets at the office so we had to sit on our bikes and watch everyone else lick their frickin ice creams in front of us. We were well salivating and didn’t speak to anyone for the rest of the tour – it was all their fault! The night tour also took us to Notre Dame, Latin Quarter, the Islands (Johnny Depp’s house), the Louvre (action shots in the sunset), St. Chappelle, Academie Francaise, Pont des Arts.
The highlight of the night tour was the wine cruise – we parked our bikes and hopped on a massive ferry-like boat with hundreds of people. The ride went for about an hour – up and down the Seine river and the tour group received all-you-can-drink red wine. Now you all know that we just don’t do wine...well folks, now we do! We were all pretty tipsy as we left the boat and jumped back on our bikes – drink driving anyone. The trip home was quite hilarious – there were people running into each other, one girl sliced her toe open, one lady stacked it massively (we had to try and contain the laughter) but we made it home, however we have LOTS of mysterious bruises.
TIP: we have found that wifi in Paris is limited...however, Fat Tire Bike office offers FREE wifi. We literally sat in there for a good couple of hours and got in touch with technology. They also let you print. Get on it!
Day 56:
To the LOUVRE...yay! We love museums and art and stuff. Everyone has to go to the Louvre...so it was more of an obligation than a ‘want’ but anyways. We went and saw Mona, she was pretty cool – heaps of Asians taking photos – we wanted to pick her nose but we couldn’t get through the 6inch bullet proof glass. Venus had no arms, but Medusa had a pimped raft with heaps of dudes (boats n hoes). The Sphinx had lion properties – we made her roar and scared some kids. Totti found a ranga statue (well at least we envisaged him to be ranga) and fondled his beard. We admired numerous mini-genitalia and took photos. Ela liked the feet best. A fun day at the museum – we are all about making education fun.
One thing we did learn was that the Louvre was once someone’s house – it was kind of the running joke all day as to which room would have been mine. The place is effing huge – it would be way cooler if they turned it into a giant enclosed zoo – think of the possibilities.
So...missing out on the famous ice cream last night soon got the better of us, so we decided to ditch the Louvre and head to the ice cream shop. We got a little lost and ended up at a delicious Boulangeria (bakery type place) – we decided we should have savoury before sweet so we purchased some yummy quiches. Totti felt the need to sit on the river bed, I stayed on the bridge. Two seconds later, I checked in on her to see a random Frenchy sitting next to her – Totti looked well confused and seemed to be using a lot of hand gestures. I decided to watch on for entertainment value. Soon enough, Totti and her Frenchy boy come strolling up the stairs – “he doesn’t speak English”...great. Soon after, Totti pulled out the lonely planet book (thanks Filia) which we knew had some translation help at the back. The guy seemed to want to take us “touring” (I guess that’s what they call it these days....I thank you). Totti ended up telling the guy he was too expensive and that he looked like he was 40. Language barrier fail. Lol.
Back to the ice cream, we waited in line for about 5 minutes – but oh my, it was well worth it. The Berthillon ice cream spoils quickly so they make it fresh everyday which is why it is so distinct to France; they can’t export it anywhere. Now we have both eaten our fair share of ice cream during our years....let’s just say this ice cream SERIOUSLY is the best ice cream EVER. Even Ela admitted that it shat all over Italian ice cream – and that’s a huge statement from a wog.
Soooo... looking back on the whole day, we spent a majority of it eating :p So we decided to continue in that fashion and shop up a storm in preparation for our Eiffel Tower eating extravaganza. Which really was just Totti’s smoked cheese, ham, the best baguette in history and our A-MAZING desserts. One raspberry macaroon filled with custard cream and fresh raspberries (party in our mouth) and one strawberry/custard mini tart. Oh France, how we love you....along with our hips, and thighs, and ass. Food. The Eiffel Tower has to be #1 on any picnic destination list. We spent the evening feeding our faces, watching people eat yummy food, taking way better action shots than the girls next to us, laughing at people getting their pose on. Getting our pose on. Taking photos of us, with food – this has become a recurring theme in our ever growing photo library. We ended up spending a good few hours enjoying ourselves and our food, and decided it was time for more food; Nutella Crepes. After hearing me whinge about how amazing these are for about two years, Totti finally got to sink her teeth into this hazelnut delight. All she responds with, when I ask her how it was, is a squishy drool/ lip smacking sound, followed by a long satisfied sigh. That is all. With our bellies well satisfied, we attempted another schmelting sleep, before our super early rise the next morning .
Day 57:
FML. 6am. Moving luggage mountains through Parisian streets. Empty subways. Hungry. Tired. Hot. Thirsty. Feel sorry for us! We were making our way to the train station to catch our train to Nice. Totti reaffirmed that Pigeons (now known as Terrorists) really wanted to take her captive and hold her for ransom; they had somehow managed to invade the subway...which is underground. WTF! Thank god Totti had a mountain of luggage armour to hide behind – totes incognito. I see you pigeons, and challenge you to a duel!
5 hrs later and we were tired of playing shit head and listening to our ipods, we finally arrived in a schmelting hot Nice, which is actually really nice. I thankyou. See what we did there. We taxied to where we thought our hotel was...Rue Biscarra 18...FAIL. We finally found our hotel and were greeted by the friendly Pierre (how French!). Now...We’re really not sure how to describe this fellow – he was sitting at his little wooden table.....with documents.....NO COMPUTER....in a white killer outfit. He was erm.....a little too enthusiastic for someone sitting at a wooden table......with documents....and NO COMPUTER!!! WTF! He insisted we sit down, like really insisted, like drop your bags, and sit the fuck down. Ok. Please don’t hurt us! Totti later informed me that she thought we were going to be chopped into little pieces and fed to his poodles. To add to the oddity of this entire experience, she wanted us to pay cash, because he didn’t have a credit card machine..... WTF man, it’s 2010 – get on it! He actually did have one, just not plugged in. Well plug it in, ay! So it worked and we paid with plastic – THEN, yes there’s more, you will not believe this – leave your bags and follow me.......................................so by this stage we were both sporting worried/nervous/anxious/ trying to be casual facial expressions. We got finger printed – it’s the only way to get back through the hotel door. For someone who doesn’t have a computer or a plugged in credit card machine, this was a little too advanced for our liking. We were finally given permission to gather our bags, and we were escorted to our room; complete with a walking tour of the entire 2x2m space. It was a rather educational experience – did you know that there is a table in here, did you know it comes with chairs! And wait for it, we also have a fridge, to keep things cool! Don’t even – and air conditioning too! Do you know how to work it? And a television (which P.S doesn’t even work). Our couch that turns into a bed, that turns back into a couch. Now “zis is ‘ow you do eet – use your knees and you pull ‘ere, like zis, and zen you wait fore ze noise. Yes, zere it is, ze “click”, and viola! Ze bed!” Once he left we absolutely pissed our pants laughing . Ahh Pierre!
After our grand tour – which Pierre also explained to us on a map, he pretty much circled EVERYTHING and told us to go see it. Thanks. So we opted to go at it ourselves and just wondered off in the direction of the beach. Now, we are all for freedom of expression, but we feel that Europe needs to enforce some sort of breast etiquette, because we were forcefully reminded of Something About Mary at one stage. Supple and perky only policy, thankyou. We also noted that the French really do not like to remove hair. We have come across hairy face men, this time we came across hairy back man. I was like – nice t-shirt. So we took photos. We also noted that they enjoy wearing toight flamboyant budgie smugglers. Sooooo, we took photos :p We are yet to see a beach with sand – we are over these pebbles scraping our feet off! They are mighty comfortable to lie on. Not. It was a ‘Not’ Joke.
We strolled around a bit more and then headed back in the direction of our hotel. Surprise...we have a massive supermarket on the corner of our hotel street. So we decided it was time we saved some money and cooked for ourselves so we stocked up on oil, penne, diced tomatoes, garlic, salami, salt, bananas and OJ and went on our merry way. Ela got straight into the cooking and I sat on the couch, fed my face with salami and payed her out about the smell. We were very pleased with our savings though – 8 euro between us for all this goodness. Yeeyahhhhh! After enjoying a tasty home cooked meal (thanks wog), we headed out to watch the world cup final. So...about those savings...FML...2 rum and cokes later = 14.50 euro. Sigh. We got chatting to a Russian and Austrian boys...they were nice. We were really disappointed with the standard of the final – personally, we would have rather watched Belwest vs ANU. Lol! We did however get free coke horn-blower things to make lots of noise with....and noise we did.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Day 58:
We decided to see what the Old Town had on offer – well renowned for cheap and delicious food, we didn’t need telling twice. A pretty little village with small streets and crammed with people. Sort of like Venice, but better, and without the smell :p It didn’t take us long to find the sweetest shop in the village - a lolly shop with barrels and barrels full to the brim with deliciousness – naturally we couldn’t pass up the chance, so we happily spent at least 15 minutes selecting each lolly carefully.
We spent most of the day just enjoying walking around and taking it all in – we strolled into the antique market and enjoyed some slushies, they are the new ice cream.
Well tired and sweating our faces off, we came back to our little hotel room and updated our blog for your perusal, aren’t we kind. It then occurred to us that our hairs were looking a little grey/ranga/ feral, so desperate times called for desperate measures. To the supermarket! We returned with some dessert, some hair dye, nail polish, cookies and effing “Clementine juice” WTF! The carton looked like it had oranges on it – stupid fruity pictures! It turned out to be mandarin juice, vom! Another meal of pasta and we decided it was time for a makeover. Our we totally destroyed our only remaining clean towel, fail. Seeing as we only had enough hot water for one shower, we devised a full proof plan of attack, using our innate cunning survival skills. So, it went as follows. Rise all hair dye out. Water goes off. Lather, shave, scrub, pee. Water goes on - rinse ALL. Mission accomplished. We now have pantene hair again.
With our makeover almost complete, we applied nail polish while enjoying some chocolate mousse and a screening of Inglorious Basterds. We didn’t make it that far into the movie, and passed out half way through. We decided it was probably best to turn in, as we wanted to get an early bus out to the village of Eze.
Day 59:
Plan to wake up early – fail. Totti got up to pee, turned the alarm off, and we both passed out again. 2 hrs later – “what time is it?” - “9am”. Totally missed the first two buses :p After our gourmet breakfast of a banana and foul Clementine juice, we got ourselves organised and made our way to the bus stop. So we recommend the bus, as it only cost 1 Euro and will take you all the way to Eze, Monaco, Monte Carlo or Cannes. Roughly a 15/20 min bus ride and we were in Eze – it’s a medieval village on a cliff face – it looks like the remnants of an old castle now occupied by modern little galleries and clothes shops. We paid 5 euro to get into the exotic garden and to get to the top of the hill. The views are worth the hike and calf burn, we took lots of pretty pictures (which will eventually get uploaded, we promise!)
We then devoured another delicious baguette and sat down to devise our next plan of action. We some how concluded it would be an amazing idea to walk to Monaco – it didn’t look that far on the map, just a thumb and forefinger space apart! ............. .............................................................FAIL! Sweat, chafe, burn, complain, cramp, wee, thirst, dehydrate, sunstroke, complain, thorny bushes...many disgruntled honks from cars. Why did we walk to Monaco? We did initially wait at the bus stop........ten minutes, still nothing, so decided to take our chances on foot, thinking it would be quicker....not so much!
All we could be bothered doing when we FINALLY got there was having a slushy...Exciting, we know.
We got sick of watching people doing bombs off the diving board in the town swimming pool, so we decided it was time for us to say goodbye, before we strangled someone for their bathing suits and dominated the pool with our amazing bomb skills. Another fail for forgetting our own swimmers. I think we left our brains back at the hotel that day. So upon revision of our little day time hike – the bus option is most definitely safer, less hot, quicker and takes the scenic route :p
We couldn’t have been more grateful to be home in our little dingy apartment – sporting brilliant sunburn, and Totti with some kind of fungal chest growth, we passed out on our sofa bed and enjoyed the air conditioning. We woke up rather hungry (as usual) and decided that a nice steak would go down a treat, so we went to the supermarket and bought ourselves a nice cut of meat and some veggies. We are finding that it really is a VERY small world – we ran into Kelly Grocock from Belconnen United at the local supermarket – WEIRD!
After a healthy and cheap feed, we retired to our dodgy sofa bed for a well earned rest.
Day 60:
2 month mark...skiddy woop woop!
Today we are feeling particularly sorry for ourselves – more than usual anyways. Looking like fried tomatoes, we decided to venture to the shops for some retail therapy to ease the burn. Its Bastille Day today – a commemoration of the French Revolution, independence day if you like – so nothing was really open....except for a effing H & M. This franchise is seriously taking over Europe. So as we casually strolled our crisp bodies through the clothe racks....ding dong...it was fucking Andrew Symonds and his misses. Totti was well tempted to ask him where the local fishing spot was but chickened out....so we called him a Monkey instead – jokes!!!
After spending a good hour in the change rooms, we ended up only buying a couple of t-shirts, body spray and sunglasses. Fail. Damn you Filia and Steph for buying all the good clothes from all the H&M stores!
We decided we needed a nana nap – so off we went back to our dingy cell.
Rash update: the cortisone cream that the lovely French pharmacist gave Totti seems to be reducing the swelling and redness. Watch this space – there is a reason for concern because the information booklet for the cream says “WARNING: This cream may cause excess chest hair, thrush or uncontrollable twitches”. Right............
We decided vego was the way to go for dinner - so we bought a shit load of vegetables, some soup and spinach & ricotta ravioli. Yum...food heaven x2. We had overflow of food so we packed a little take-away box for our train ride tomorrow.
As the night dwelled, we had heard rumours that there may be a “Vunderbar” show in the evening where all the Frenchies go and hang out and sing Frenchy songs. So we agreed that we must attend such event. We walked to the central hub of Nice – about 2 minutes away – and treated ourselves to a delicious ice cream. We people watched for a good halfa before deciding we should ask someone for directions to the “Vunderbar” show!
Well....Vunderbar my ass. The streets were packed with people as were the pebbly beaches – we came to the conclusion that it had to be fireworks. FAIL. Skyfire shits all over France. The fireworks was literally a little man lighting one firework and then running to the next one to light it. Sigh. No music either. Double sigh. But nevertheless we made light about to situation and made “oo...ahh” sounds to the shitty fireworks.
Day 61:
Packed up and said Au Revoir to our French mate Pierre and Nice and boarded our train back to Paris. FML. We were sitting patiently waiting to board when this fugly, fat, stinky lady (who looked like a man) boarded our carriage and sat opposite us. She stunk like cigarettes, sweat, ass and non-shower-in-1-month....foul. So we both agreed it was our duty to try and out stink her with our butts....mission fail but we tried.
About an hour in, Totti felt peckish so it was time to unleash our package of delicious leftovers for the train people to food stalk. All eyes were on her and she scoffed her face with stir-fry veges and ravioli.
That was about as exciting as our train ride got until we arrived in Paris. This young girl (about 18 or so) was pushing her way through the line of people waiting to get off the train...well she totally pushed the wrong lady. This big black lady gave her a ear full (in French) and lots of in-her-face hand gestures. At one point the black lady’s son was holding her back because she was about to hit the young girl. It was full on – it was times like these we really wish we had subtitles so we could understand what they were saying.
We checked back into our Paris hotel and chilled for a bit before heading to the Eiffel Tower to meet up with our Topdeck friends – Mel and Ilce. It was really good to see some familiar faces and reminisce about the tour which seemed like so long ago. We headed to the Latin Quarter where we enjoyed some cocktails at a little bar. Our night was made complete by a AWESOME nutella crepe from Nico’s Creperia....ahhh...the taste is still in our mouths – so frickin good.
We metro’d it back to our hotel and said farewell to Mel and Ilce again...but we will hopefully see them soon in Mykonos.
Day 62:
With a sleep in under our belt, we decided it would be best to have some clean clothes to start our Greek Island adventure so we motored off to the Laundromat. After packing and then re-packing, we checked out of our lovely Paris hotel and headed to the awesome Boulangeria for the last time. One last baguette, one last macaron – we enjoyed our last Paris eating experience by our friend Eiffel and his mate Tower. Ah...the serenity.
We parted ourselves from Paris central and headed for the airport in the direction of GREECE.
Au Revoir France
Say hi to your dad
Ela & Kate xx
Friday, July 9, 2010
Venetian Trail - Topdeck
Day 41 – The Beginning of our Venetian trail Top Deck Tour:
Seeing as we hadn’t slept in like two days, we ended up waking at about 12:30pm. Got showered and dressed and had a late brekky and my auntie drove us to Hotel Beethoven in Fortebraschi – it turns out this is the neighbourhood where my grandfather grew up, so I was well chuffed, as my auntie showed me where he used to live when he was a kid. So we made it to the hotel where we were greeted by our tour guide and other tourists.
So we did go on this holiday with the intention of getting away from Australia lol but pretty much our ENTIRE tour group was from Melbourne and this is how small the world really is – of all the people to run into, Kim Neilson is on our Top Deck tour. We play soccer with Kim at Belwest, and she lives in my suburb. We were a little freaked out!! Lol.
Anyway - We caught the metro into Rome and did a walking tour – we enjoyed some gelato while strolling past the Spanish steps, the Trevi fountain, the Pantheon, the Colosseum, the Sentate and the Forum.
From there it was time to head back to the hotel and to dinner – we went to the local Osteria and had some good ol’ delicious Roman dishes. I was especially excited, as it was just like eating my mums cooking :)
Day 42:
We had a big day on the road – we commenced our drive up to Venice with a brief stopover in Verona; the home of Romeo and Juliet. It’s such a pretty town, we saw Juliet’s house and saw the famous wall where people pin love notes to each other, very cool. We then wandered around the streets and the markets etc before it was time to head back to the bus and continue our road trip to Venice.
Our hotel was in the newer part of Venice – we were to catch the bus into the main city the next day, so we all just showered and enjoyed another delicious dinner at a restaurant around the corner.
So after a long uncomfortable bus ride, we were so ready to lie on a normal surface free of seat dividers and seat belts, and passed straight out.
Day 42:
We caught the bus into Venice and were there by about 9am – we were really excited to go on a Gondola ride and explore the streets – so many small alleyways and boutiques hidden between the canals. It really is a beautiful city rich in art and history and culture. Part of Venetian tradition is lace making, so we were given a tour of a lace school. She explained how long it takes to become a master lace maker, and she proceeded to show us an awesome piece which apparently took 9 months to complete. When she asked the group at large if any of us knew what kind of stitch was used in the piece, Benji, a total bogan who has a knack for saying inappropriate but equally hilarious things rose to the occasion and answered the question by trying to make his English sound Italian and replied with “ it izza - harda ta doey stich” The entire group absolutely pissed themselves laughing for about ten minutes strait, even the lady had a small giggle, it was priceless.
So after that it was time for the much anticipated gondola ride. It lived up to all expectations and it was pretty cool. We got taken through the smaller canals and then onto the Grand canal – it’s a truly breath taking sight.
After our Gondola ride, we had the rest of the afternoon to explore, so Totti and I decided to wonder around. We ended up in the inner suburbs, winding in and out of narrow streets, looking through the tiny shops full of the beautiful masks and lost ourselves for a good few hrs. We found a little restaurant and enjoyed a nice pizza and free wifi and made our way back to Piazza S.Marco and up with the old bell tower. This is a must do – it only costs 8 euro and gives and an unimpeded 360 view of the entire city. Awesome.
By this stage we’d had a pretty big day. Oh I forgot to mention that the pigeons had an absolutely field day with Totti – it entertained me greatly :p But yes, so we had a big day and made our way back to the bus stop and onto the bus back to our Hotel.
After a nice dinner we all pretty much retired early – we were pooped and had to be up at bum crack to start another day on the road; destination Pag Island via the Postajana caves.
Day 43:
Yawn. Waking up early sucks. We struggled with our luggage back down the stairs and dragged ourselves into the bus and pretty much conked out for a couple of hrs. The drive into Slovenia was spectacular – the forests and fields reminded us of old fairy tales and lands of once upon a time. We arrived at the caves and did the train/walking tour through them. They were pretty amazing – and HUGE. It is only ever 8 degrees down there, the whole year round. I don’t really know what technical terms I can use, so I won’t, suffice it to say that it was a really awesome sight to see. At one stage we had a black out inside the cave and it was absolutely pitch black for about 2 minutes. A long time to stand in the dark. A little bit of wee came out lol. We made it out alive and headed back to the bus, not far till Croatia now :)
When crossing the border the bus was stopped and a soldier came on board. Everyone was immediately silent as we were told that they often come on board and may perform bag checks etc. All this guy wanted was two bottles of Coca Cola and he let us through without further question. LOL. Nice to know that border security is taken seriously in Europe haha.
And so off we went as we began driving the winding roads down the Croatian coastline. We had to catch a ferry over to Pag island and then continued our drive to the hotel. Everyone was keen to shower and get ready to go out and party. And party we did lol what a night. They took us to this beach lined with clubs of every description and ridiculously cheap and delicious drinks. That’s all I’ll say. We dazzled locals with our amazing dance moves and we proceeded to ghost anyone we could find. Everyone had a ball, it was a good night all round.
Day 44:
Needless to say it was struggle town all round today; bleary eyes and sore heads a-plenty. Stories of projectile vomit were circulating around the group, and incriminating photographic evidence of what may or may not have happened began to surface as everyone exchanged their hangover stories at breakfast. Most people had lazy days just hanging at the beach – we hired scooters with a couple of the other girls and rode around the island and then back to the beach from the night before. Everyone’s amnesia seemed to wear off as we started remembering what things actually looked like and what we’d done the night before. So we enjoyed a late lunch and went for a nice swim and rode back the hotel. Snooze time!
After lounging around for the rest of the afternoon we got dressed and walked to a nearby restaurant and enjoyed a laid back dinner followed by a walk along the pier checking out what the night markets had on offer. We decided that since we have been sleep deprived for the past few days, we were nannas and turned in early.
Day 45:
Much to Totti’s delight, I sat in cat shit at breakfast. I then swapped the soiled chair for a new one. Turns out the cat lost its bowels all over that chair too. So after being turned off my meal, and with a well fed Totti to remind me that I had just sat in poo, we made our way onto the bus and started our drive to Ljubljana, Slovenia. We arrived to a resort/ caravan style set up and were very excited at the prospect of free wifi and an awesome water park!!! So we got into our swimmers and disrupted the serenity of the pool area by doing first class bombs into the pool. Our tour group then went into the town square for dinner afterwhich we walked around ghosting people :p One of the girls on our tour, Steph, showcased her break dancing skills, or lack thereof, in the middle of a circle of people who were already watching some local dancers. Everyone literally wet their pants laughing. Recognise!
Our day just seemed to get better – too much energy to go to sleep.....what to do...what to do? Play on the playground in the dark and take action shots. Yup! Walk around like Idaho from house bunny. Yup!! Break into the water park with Stef, Filia and Totti only to get pushed into the pool. Yup! So our little night time adventure turned into a swim complete with hand stand competitions, watching the fart bubbles and spending 20 minutes trying to work out whether or not the strange shape was actually human. It turned out to be a turtle statue in the kids pool. Fail. :p Dripping wet and looking like drowned rats, we ninja’d back to our cabins, mighty proud of our efforts for the evening ;)
Day 46:
Grateful for the short drive this morning – we hopped on the bus and headed to Lake Bled, Slovenia. Literally a lake surrounded by alps and forest. We spent the first part of the morning with our toes in the lake, I took some photos of Totti being an exhibitionist, then modelling on the chair – only to realise that the rest of the tour group was watching us and pissing themselves laughing – “Get any good bum shots”?. LOL! So after our little photo shoot we took a row boat ride to the little island in the middle of the lake and walked around there for a while. Once back on land, we went to these things similar to what they have at Corin Forest back home. We had to take a ski lift to the top of the mountain – the view was awesome. Then we fanged it all the way down, good fun :)
So it was time to hop back on the bus and head for Salzburg, Austria – home to the world famous set of The Sound of Music. As with every bus trip, it’s mandatory for the bus drivers to stop, revive and survive every couple of hours. We usually have a couple of 15minute pee stops and then a half an hour lunch break – our tour guide Adam usually gives us a “be back at this time” lecture before we get off. A rule on our tour is the last person back on the bus has to wear this hideous annoying Jester hat (with effing bells) until the next stop. Without fail, every single stop Totti and I are always the last ones on the bus – hence the hat is always shared between us, FML. Well...on the way to Salzburg we were late getting on the bus (as usual and expected), however this time we were given a “talk” too by Adam – it was literally like being in the principal’s office and getting detention. From this point on, we have sweared we won’t be late on the bus – fingers crossed we can do it! Please prey for us – we would hate to be kicked off in Amsterdam!!
The drive into Salzburg provided us with beautiful scenery of the Austrian alps. Seriously, Mt Kozcuisko should be ashamed of itself – you got nothing! We arrived in Salzburg 1 hour behind schedule (sorry guys!) and checked into our hotel. A quick shower and change and we were off into town for a walking tour. We saw where parts of the Sound of Music was filmed, Mozart’s birthplace, the Salzburg castle etc etc!
Day 47:
We left Salzburg reasonably early and headed for Mathausen Concentration Camp. For those of you who arn’t aware – the Mathausen Concentration Camp was one of the largest concentration camps during WW2. The camp began as a working camp and later became a death camp. Inmates were forced to rise at 4:30am where they would attend role call which would generally last for about 3hrs, their breakfast where they were told to take 3 scoops of turnip soup – they were not given bowls only spoons – if they took anymore than 3 scoops, they were killed. They’d then be sent to the quarry where they worked for 12 – 15 hours until dinner where they were given 25g rice. The average inmate weighed around 42-48kg as a full grown man. Around 500,000 people were killed in the camp. The death stairs – the stairs leading from the quarry to the camp killed majority of the inmates. As thousands of malnutrition men tried to carry 20-30kg rocks up the stairs, often they would slip and fall and cause a avalanche of death.
When the camp became a death camp –upon arrival, inmates were told to take off all their clothes. They were then shaved of all their hair – the natzis used the hair to make blankets. They were handed a cake of soap and told they were to shower – they were led into bathrooms and locked in. In fact, they were tricked – the bathrooms were gas chambers and they were killed.
W e watched a 30 minute film which told the story of Mathausen. Some interesting, sombre moments and needless to say plenty of tears. We then had the opportunity to walk around the camp – it was huge. It was probably the size of the average college in Canberra. We walked through the barracks, the gas chamber, the crematorium and the shooting block. We also walked down the death stairs.
The camp has now been turned into a memorial and has plaques from those countries who lost men at the camp. It was a very moving place which held a lot of history – a sad start to the day.
We headed to maccas for some comfort food – we shall never complain about anything again. Definately won’t forget Mathausen. We watched Ice Age on the bus as we continued our journey to Prague.
Upon arriving in Prague, we quickly showered, had dinner at our hotel restaurant and off we went on our walking tour. The night took us to a couple of bars in Prague – filled with 12yr olds and sweat, we partied the night away. Absinth = Ass. That is all.
Day 48:
Day at leisure – we decided it was time to hit the shops as we are well over the same shitty clothes. We wandered the streets of Prague at our own pace, sipping on our coke and water. It was time to pee – oh hell no...not in Prague. It costs 5 cookies (Czech currency is called Kruna’s but we labelled them cookies, kuna-matatas, cronies, coronas and everything else besides their proper title) to use the facilities. 10 cookies broker, we decided it was time for lunch and stopped at a little cafe and enjoyed some free wifi. We trammed it back to our hotel and lazed for the rest of the afternoon.
We agreed to meet our tour buddies for dinner and spend the last of our Czech currency. We literally walked across the road to this cute but freaky pub which was filled with pictures of crazy cat ladies and skeletons. After enjoying a delicious schnitzel, we asked for the bill – 1000 cookies. Oh shit....we only had 750 between us. So after counting and then re-counting our money, we sent someone on a scavenger hunt to find more money – Steph is an awesome break dancer so we told her to go and busk so we could pay the bill and not be murdered by the freaky deaky Czech man. We were saved by Ange who gave us her last cookies – thanks Ange!
Ela updated her facebook status tonight...it read...”Hey Amsterdam – we’re here to fuck shit up”. Little did she know (because most of the time she has no idea) that we were actually going to Berlin. FAIL. Filia was quick to jump on Facebook and make a point of the fact that she is actually retarded – “but we are going to Berlin”. Massive embarrassment for Ela...again.
Day 49:
Today we headed to Berlin – we probably should have mentioned that as a sort of introduction to each major city, we play a movie on the bus that has something to do with our destination. On the way to Berlin, we watched “Beerfest” – for those who haven’t seen it, basically it’s just about this huge drinking competition in Germany, and a bunch of guys from the United States go and compete to win back their family brewery. This becomes relevant, we promise.
So after spending all day on the bus, we finally made it to our hotel (no air con + hot = sleeping on wet towels and in your undies people. Try it sometime). We only had time for a quick shower before dinner – this however turned into the most difficult showering experience to date; once Totti had finished, I made my way into the bathroom and ended up swimming to the sink. We didn’t actually have a showerhead – our shower was actually a bath with one of those hose things with a showerhead on the end. So anyway, I swam to the sink – I asked Totti if there was any particular reason she felt the need to flood our entire bathroom. Instead of pointing the hose towards the wall, it turns out she decided to shower with the hose pointing in the direction of the bathroom at large. Fail.
As we headed to dinner, the streets were already swarming with German soccer hooligans getting their pride on – trumpets, chanting, flags lots of face paint and cars with about ten people hanging out of them – it was pretty cool. Germany ended up winning and they celebrated well into the night.
At dinner Totti and I ordered a pork schnitzel (Yumo!!) and Filia and I decided to order a schteiner ( I have no idea if that’s the correct spelling, but it’s just what the Germans call this 1litre mug of beer) Inspired by the Beerfest film, Filia and I decided to have a sculling competition. Drunk before dinner anyone? So after downing one, we ordered another and went for round two. It was a pretty entertaining evening after that – we roamed around the streets of Berlin with a couple of the others from the tour group, for some reason I decided that steeling a fluffy orange dice from a street stall was a good idea.....as well as nicking flags from parked cars and using them to join in the German victory. The brick animals on the Zoo wall also became a hundred times for fascinating – they were three dimensional, therefore very interactive and interesting to touch when intoxicated. Filia also decided to jump into a nearby fountain – which upon inspection the next day turned out to be some war memorial. The dirty unimpressed looks from the previous night were suddenly explained :p) . And so we continued to wonder around – we ended up walking through a German fan zone with giant sprinklers and lots on interesting characters to talk to. We also decided to sing our own songs, as we had no idea what the Germans were chanting about. So the 80’s inspired much of the musical stylings for the evening, as well as the Backstreet Boys, Bon Jovi and the Spice Girls. I don’t think any of us can ever listen to those songs the same way again. So after passing by the life size lego giraffe outside lego land, and taking plenty of photos with him, we finally made it to our hotel and fell straight to sleep.
Day 50:
YAY, SLEEP IN!! All the keen beans opted to go on the walking tour this morning. We decided we’d rather sleep. I emerged tousle haired and puffy eyed, much to Totti’s amusement :p But we dressed, and decided that going to the Berlin Zoo would be an appropriate course of action for the day. Totti decided to get into the German spirit and started doing the Nazi salute and marched down the street. As hilarious as this was – it turns out that if anyone is caught doing this, or bearing the swastika symbol, they cop a ten year jail sentence. I think between the both of us we racked up a life sentence that day :s
So yay, the Berlin Zoo was amazing! It was a super hot day, so we strolled through the zoo happily licking icy poles in the shape of a hand pointing its index finger – delicious! We watched the monkeys and the giraffes, the elephants swimming in the pool, we saw polar bears and Zebras and all kinds of birds; one of which was about the size of a full grown man escaped out of its enclosure and decided to rampage through a crowd of people just as we were coming around the corner. I was in hysterics, the look of realisation on Totti’s face as she registered what she was seeing, then she took off in the opposite direction and did not return until the bird was back inside the enclosure :p how I laughed.
So after two more icy poles and a callipo, we finished waving at the animals and hailed a cab back to our hotel for some down time before our big night out – The Pub Crawl.
Since neither of us are big beer drinkers (yes, this may sound hypocritical after sculling 2 litres of beer) we decided to prepare some roadies to take with us – good old Vodka and vending machine coke. We were a little enthusiastic pouring our measures of vodka, so every time we took a sip of our drinks it literally burnt our face off. The group got driven into town on our tour bus, we sang and sipped our drinks and took photos of us. Photos of the bus. More photos of us. We then spotted a couple of helium balloons and decided that the wise thing to do would be to inhale them, and say things like “Nigga Please” and “Hola Miss Walker” – too funny. For some reason we decided that it was also a good idea for us to starting singing “MOVE, BITCH, GET OUT THA WAY” in our finest impersonation of Ludacris. Because our timing is impeccable as always, we sang this just as some stupid woman decided to walk out in front of our bus – we feel we did a good job that day, everyone was wetting themselves laughing.
We met up with our pub crawl guide – he administered us with a stamp and our free beer and we all hung around waiting for people to drink up before heading to our first destination. There were a couple of homeless guys we donated all our empty bottles to – I was even kind enough to leave him a swig of beer :p Totti politely asked if she could sit in his trolley purely for photographic entertainment – the photo looks as though she’s severely constipated and trying to go to the toilet in his basket. We were then joined by another tour group, whom harboured a man with the biggest ranga beard in existence – by this stage we were well on our way to being drunk, and Totti said (probably more audibly than intended) “It’s HAIRY FACE MAN” – he heard, obviously and retorted “And you shall be known as, small yummy thing”. So now that we were all on a first name basis, we stole his sun glasses and took really cool photos of ourselves.
We noted that on this particular evening, everyone was feeling rather athletic – because it’s what we do, we decided it would be a good idea to attempt heel clicking while in mid air – so then everyone jumped on the bandwagon – trying to do double and even triple heel clicks. When we got to the pub, there was a nice grassy area perfect for more athleticism displays and ghosting complete strangers. One guy caught on and turned around while Totti was in mid- ghost. Too funny!! So more heel click attempts resulted in split pants, revealing electric blue undies and the best photo ever! (go me) lol.
The bartenders sent our free shots, we did jager bombs and had a couple of rum and cokes, Totti almost got taken out by a leap frog attempt gone wrong, and it was time to move onto Pub #2. The night was filled with ridiculous photos and lots of drinking (yes, we are skipping the details, because we can’t remember them :p) we ended up at this beach club with fire twirlers and more drinks – and before we knew it, it was time to go home.
By this stage we’d worked up quite an appetite, after what felt like the LONGEST bus ride home in history, our entire tour group stopped home via a kebab stand (AMAZING) and we fed our faces while watching some poor bugger crash his push bike into a light post. So with kebabs in hand we all made our way to the hotel and turned in for the night.
Day 51:
FML, well eff our lives. Totti woke up to a half eaten kebab on her bed side table and I dragged myself into the shower. A super early start after a big night – needless to say it took us a while to get going. Much to our surprise (we say this because we are ALWAYS the last ones to be ready lol) we were the first downstairs and at breakfast.
The bus ride was rather entertaining, everyone exchanging stories and looking at each other’s cameras. Eventually we were all dropping off like flies, dozing off and trying to catch some desperately needed z’s.
It became long tedious bus ride – everyone was just keen to get off and walk around. We stopped briefly at a dairy farm where they made all these different kinds of cheeses – Totti was the first to raise her hand when the group was asked if anyone wanted to try some. Lol. She’s died and gone to cheese heaven twice now. They also made their own clogs, we got a demonstration on how to make them by the farm owner, there are now only 5 clog makers in all of Holland, and he was one of them. And so it was back on the bus – we’d almost made it to Amsterdam.
We made it to our very classy “Botel” a hotel that’s a boat, funnily enough. We thought it was funny, so we created an anthem “We at the ho-tel, bo-tel, holiday iiiiinnnn”. Anyone? No?.
We didn’t have much time to get ready (as usual) as our bus was banked up in traffic for quite a while, so we rushed onto the ferry that took us into the main city centre. As we got closer to the Red light district, things started to get...erm....interesting, for lack of a better word. We had all paid to go and see a sex show on our first night, and thank god we did it as a group!
Now...we both knew Amsterdam wasn’t for the faint hearted – and we had been warn that it was the capital of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll but HOLY SHIT it was NASTY. The sex show was made up of 5 acts. Some of you may want to skip this paragraph....The first act was a girl (prob only 19/20) out on stage dancing...well stripping really. She walked through the crowd and would lean over people and slap them in the face with her nasty breasts. She then proceeded to get one gentleman (from the other Topdeck Tour) on stage and lay him down on the stage. Next thing we know, she has a dildo up her hoo-ha – not a normal dildo, this one was a PEN. She wrote “bad boy” and drew a picture of a penis on this guys stomach. We were in hysterics but also grossed out....little did we know that it was going to get worse. The next act was a fattish lady who stripped and slapped boys with her boobs (seemed to be the running performance for the night).
The next act was the first lady and a feral man. The man (who was effing old and nasty) only had one boob...that’s right....just one! We watched them go at it for a good 10 minutes. Totti was completely disgusted because the guy kept on eyeing her off (we were in the front row) and everyone in our group kept giving her shit. It was REALLY foul! The next act required a volunteer – who better than Owen from our tour. He was sat on a seat on stage and a naked lady begun dancing around him. She then started pulling out this LONG bit of ribbon from her hoo-ha and putting it around him and all over his head. It was hilarious but SO nasty. Apparently he was told while on stage that the ribbon comes from a packet and is actually really clean...we beg to differ!
The last act was an oldish latino lady who was just dancing at first. She then asked people to come up on stage – there were about 7 people – 3 of whom were from our tour. She danced with them all....and then....oh my! LOL! She went into her bag of goodies and pulled out a BANANA. Fillia was up first – the lady put the nana in her hoo-ha and made Fillia take a bite. EW! Steph M was next – she had to eat the nana of the ladies boozy and Steph V got the easy task of eating the nana from the ladies belly. All in all...it was hilarious. Needless to say we all sanitised our hands when we left the bar!
We then enjoyed the finer things of Amsterdam....space cakes and joints!
Day 52:
Today we did our bike tour of Amsterdam. They do like their bikes, there are approximately 500,000 bikes in Amsterdam, 200,000 of which end up in the canals annually. There wasn’t anything specific to see – it was just a really fun and cruisy morning taking in the city and enjoying being in amongst the people. We stopped b y the ‘I Amsterdam’ sign and took some group photos etc.
After that we had to do some housekeeping, so we found a Laundromat and did our washing, finally! Something as simple as having clean undies goes such a long way when you’re travelling. We really should thank our mums more often for having fresh fluffy knickers ready for us all the time when we are at home :p
After that we were well hungry so we decided to go find some food and made our way to another one of Swenson’s Sweet Spots – a little store called Trunk. It’s got lots of little bracelets and leather goods, but more importantly we went for the bags – they make bags out of old shirts and different bits of clothes. Totti bought a cute checked Lacoste shirt/bag – which shall now be coined ‘Shag’.
As tonight is the last night with the tour group – we all paid to go on a canal cruise after our dinner at the Asian Palace. After that we made our way onto one of the bar boats and just spent the night taking photos and enjoying watching all the Netherlands supporters in the streets. Again we were lucky enough to be in the town of a winning team, however we were pooped and decided to go home via the yummiest soup kitchen, sweet potato soup anyone?
Ni night Amsterdam :)
Day 53:
FML. 7:30am departure from Amsterdam – we really hate mornings! Our destination...Belgium. We knew we were getting close when we stopped at a service station. On approaching the counter, we noticed the check-out chicks name....FRAU. We pissed ourselves laughing all the way back to the bus and were quick to spread the word about Frau!
Only a short drive and we were soon introduced to Brugge...yes that’s right...Dr Evil was a orphan boy from a 15yr old sex slave from Brugge – that’s where’s Daddy’s from. LOL. We were quoting him the whole time.
Brugge was really beautiful – the town square was full of markets with fresh fruit, cooked chickens and of course...WAFFLES! We decided we didn’t really need to see another church so we headed for the food. First stop, chicken. Second stop, chips with mayonnaise (a Belgian treat) and for dessert a massive Belgian waffle with whipped cream. We also bought some magical fresh strawberries. Ah....we had landed in food heaven.
We could barely walk back to the bus...so we rolled!
We caught the ferry from Calais to London and another bus ride took us into central London. We then said our farewells to our tour family and caught the tram to our hostel.
We’ve had an awesome 14 day trip – a big shout out to our awesome tour guide Adam who informed us that it we had popped his tour cherry...and to all our tour buddies – we will miss the laughs...stay in touch bitches!
Say hi to your farsha....FA-THER.
Ela & Kate xoxo
Seeing as we hadn’t slept in like two days, we ended up waking at about 12:30pm. Got showered and dressed and had a late brekky and my auntie drove us to Hotel Beethoven in Fortebraschi – it turns out this is the neighbourhood where my grandfather grew up, so I was well chuffed, as my auntie showed me where he used to live when he was a kid. So we made it to the hotel where we were greeted by our tour guide and other tourists.
So we did go on this holiday with the intention of getting away from Australia lol but pretty much our ENTIRE tour group was from Melbourne and this is how small the world really is – of all the people to run into, Kim Neilson is on our Top Deck tour. We play soccer with Kim at Belwest, and she lives in my suburb. We were a little freaked out!! Lol.
Anyway - We caught the metro into Rome and did a walking tour – we enjoyed some gelato while strolling past the Spanish steps, the Trevi fountain, the Pantheon, the Colosseum, the Sentate and the Forum.
From there it was time to head back to the hotel and to dinner – we went to the local Osteria and had some good ol’ delicious Roman dishes. I was especially excited, as it was just like eating my mums cooking :)
Day 42:
We had a big day on the road – we commenced our drive up to Venice with a brief stopover in Verona; the home of Romeo and Juliet. It’s such a pretty town, we saw Juliet’s house and saw the famous wall where people pin love notes to each other, very cool. We then wandered around the streets and the markets etc before it was time to head back to the bus and continue our road trip to Venice.
Our hotel was in the newer part of Venice – we were to catch the bus into the main city the next day, so we all just showered and enjoyed another delicious dinner at a restaurant around the corner.
So after a long uncomfortable bus ride, we were so ready to lie on a normal surface free of seat dividers and seat belts, and passed straight out.
Day 42:
We caught the bus into Venice and were there by about 9am – we were really excited to go on a Gondola ride and explore the streets – so many small alleyways and boutiques hidden between the canals. It really is a beautiful city rich in art and history and culture. Part of Venetian tradition is lace making, so we were given a tour of a lace school. She explained how long it takes to become a master lace maker, and she proceeded to show us an awesome piece which apparently took 9 months to complete. When she asked the group at large if any of us knew what kind of stitch was used in the piece, Benji, a total bogan who has a knack for saying inappropriate but equally hilarious things rose to the occasion and answered the question by trying to make his English sound Italian and replied with “ it izza - harda ta doey stich” The entire group absolutely pissed themselves laughing for about ten minutes strait, even the lady had a small giggle, it was priceless.
So after that it was time for the much anticipated gondola ride. It lived up to all expectations and it was pretty cool. We got taken through the smaller canals and then onto the Grand canal – it’s a truly breath taking sight.
After our Gondola ride, we had the rest of the afternoon to explore, so Totti and I decided to wonder around. We ended up in the inner suburbs, winding in and out of narrow streets, looking through the tiny shops full of the beautiful masks and lost ourselves for a good few hrs. We found a little restaurant and enjoyed a nice pizza and free wifi and made our way back to Piazza S.Marco and up with the old bell tower. This is a must do – it only costs 8 euro and gives and an unimpeded 360 view of the entire city. Awesome.
By this stage we’d had a pretty big day. Oh I forgot to mention that the pigeons had an absolutely field day with Totti – it entertained me greatly :p But yes, so we had a big day and made our way back to the bus stop and onto the bus back to our Hotel.
After a nice dinner we all pretty much retired early – we were pooped and had to be up at bum crack to start another day on the road; destination Pag Island via the Postajana caves.
Day 43:
Yawn. Waking up early sucks. We struggled with our luggage back down the stairs and dragged ourselves into the bus and pretty much conked out for a couple of hrs. The drive into Slovenia was spectacular – the forests and fields reminded us of old fairy tales and lands of once upon a time. We arrived at the caves and did the train/walking tour through them. They were pretty amazing – and HUGE. It is only ever 8 degrees down there, the whole year round. I don’t really know what technical terms I can use, so I won’t, suffice it to say that it was a really awesome sight to see. At one stage we had a black out inside the cave and it was absolutely pitch black for about 2 minutes. A long time to stand in the dark. A little bit of wee came out lol. We made it out alive and headed back to the bus, not far till Croatia now :)
When crossing the border the bus was stopped and a soldier came on board. Everyone was immediately silent as we were told that they often come on board and may perform bag checks etc. All this guy wanted was two bottles of Coca Cola and he let us through without further question. LOL. Nice to know that border security is taken seriously in Europe haha.
And so off we went as we began driving the winding roads down the Croatian coastline. We had to catch a ferry over to Pag island and then continued our drive to the hotel. Everyone was keen to shower and get ready to go out and party. And party we did lol what a night. They took us to this beach lined with clubs of every description and ridiculously cheap and delicious drinks. That’s all I’ll say. We dazzled locals with our amazing dance moves and we proceeded to ghost anyone we could find. Everyone had a ball, it was a good night all round.
Day 44:
Needless to say it was struggle town all round today; bleary eyes and sore heads a-plenty. Stories of projectile vomit were circulating around the group, and incriminating photographic evidence of what may or may not have happened began to surface as everyone exchanged their hangover stories at breakfast. Most people had lazy days just hanging at the beach – we hired scooters with a couple of the other girls and rode around the island and then back to the beach from the night before. Everyone’s amnesia seemed to wear off as we started remembering what things actually looked like and what we’d done the night before. So we enjoyed a late lunch and went for a nice swim and rode back the hotel. Snooze time!
After lounging around for the rest of the afternoon we got dressed and walked to a nearby restaurant and enjoyed a laid back dinner followed by a walk along the pier checking out what the night markets had on offer. We decided that since we have been sleep deprived for the past few days, we were nannas and turned in early.
Day 45:
Much to Totti’s delight, I sat in cat shit at breakfast. I then swapped the soiled chair for a new one. Turns out the cat lost its bowels all over that chair too. So after being turned off my meal, and with a well fed Totti to remind me that I had just sat in poo, we made our way onto the bus and started our drive to Ljubljana, Slovenia. We arrived to a resort/ caravan style set up and were very excited at the prospect of free wifi and an awesome water park!!! So we got into our swimmers and disrupted the serenity of the pool area by doing first class bombs into the pool. Our tour group then went into the town square for dinner afterwhich we walked around ghosting people :p One of the girls on our tour, Steph, showcased her break dancing skills, or lack thereof, in the middle of a circle of people who were already watching some local dancers. Everyone literally wet their pants laughing. Recognise!
Our day just seemed to get better – too much energy to go to sleep.....what to do...what to do? Play on the playground in the dark and take action shots. Yup! Walk around like Idaho from house bunny. Yup!! Break into the water park with Stef, Filia and Totti only to get pushed into the pool. Yup! So our little night time adventure turned into a swim complete with hand stand competitions, watching the fart bubbles and spending 20 minutes trying to work out whether or not the strange shape was actually human. It turned out to be a turtle statue in the kids pool. Fail. :p Dripping wet and looking like drowned rats, we ninja’d back to our cabins, mighty proud of our efforts for the evening ;)
Day 46:
Grateful for the short drive this morning – we hopped on the bus and headed to Lake Bled, Slovenia. Literally a lake surrounded by alps and forest. We spent the first part of the morning with our toes in the lake, I took some photos of Totti being an exhibitionist, then modelling on the chair – only to realise that the rest of the tour group was watching us and pissing themselves laughing – “Get any good bum shots”?. LOL! So after our little photo shoot we took a row boat ride to the little island in the middle of the lake and walked around there for a while. Once back on land, we went to these things similar to what they have at Corin Forest back home. We had to take a ski lift to the top of the mountain – the view was awesome. Then we fanged it all the way down, good fun :)
So it was time to hop back on the bus and head for Salzburg, Austria – home to the world famous set of The Sound of Music. As with every bus trip, it’s mandatory for the bus drivers to stop, revive and survive every couple of hours. We usually have a couple of 15minute pee stops and then a half an hour lunch break – our tour guide Adam usually gives us a “be back at this time” lecture before we get off. A rule on our tour is the last person back on the bus has to wear this hideous annoying Jester hat (with effing bells) until the next stop. Without fail, every single stop Totti and I are always the last ones on the bus – hence the hat is always shared between us, FML. Well...on the way to Salzburg we were late getting on the bus (as usual and expected), however this time we were given a “talk” too by Adam – it was literally like being in the principal’s office and getting detention. From this point on, we have sweared we won’t be late on the bus – fingers crossed we can do it! Please prey for us – we would hate to be kicked off in Amsterdam!!
The drive into Salzburg provided us with beautiful scenery of the Austrian alps. Seriously, Mt Kozcuisko should be ashamed of itself – you got nothing! We arrived in Salzburg 1 hour behind schedule (sorry guys!) and checked into our hotel. A quick shower and change and we were off into town for a walking tour. We saw where parts of the Sound of Music was filmed, Mozart’s birthplace, the Salzburg castle etc etc!
Day 47:
We left Salzburg reasonably early and headed for Mathausen Concentration Camp. For those of you who arn’t aware – the Mathausen Concentration Camp was one of the largest concentration camps during WW2. The camp began as a working camp and later became a death camp. Inmates were forced to rise at 4:30am where they would attend role call which would generally last for about 3hrs, their breakfast where they were told to take 3 scoops of turnip soup – they were not given bowls only spoons – if they took anymore than 3 scoops, they were killed. They’d then be sent to the quarry where they worked for 12 – 15 hours until dinner where they were given 25g rice. The average inmate weighed around 42-48kg as a full grown man. Around 500,000 people were killed in the camp. The death stairs – the stairs leading from the quarry to the camp killed majority of the inmates. As thousands of malnutrition men tried to carry 20-30kg rocks up the stairs, often they would slip and fall and cause a avalanche of death.
When the camp became a death camp –upon arrival, inmates were told to take off all their clothes. They were then shaved of all their hair – the natzis used the hair to make blankets. They were handed a cake of soap and told they were to shower – they were led into bathrooms and locked in. In fact, they were tricked – the bathrooms were gas chambers and they were killed.
W e watched a 30 minute film which told the story of Mathausen. Some interesting, sombre moments and needless to say plenty of tears. We then had the opportunity to walk around the camp – it was huge. It was probably the size of the average college in Canberra. We walked through the barracks, the gas chamber, the crematorium and the shooting block. We also walked down the death stairs.
The camp has now been turned into a memorial and has plaques from those countries who lost men at the camp. It was a very moving place which held a lot of history – a sad start to the day.
We headed to maccas for some comfort food – we shall never complain about anything again. Definately won’t forget Mathausen. We watched Ice Age on the bus as we continued our journey to Prague.
Upon arriving in Prague, we quickly showered, had dinner at our hotel restaurant and off we went on our walking tour. The night took us to a couple of bars in Prague – filled with 12yr olds and sweat, we partied the night away. Absinth = Ass. That is all.
Day 48:
Day at leisure – we decided it was time to hit the shops as we are well over the same shitty clothes. We wandered the streets of Prague at our own pace, sipping on our coke and water. It was time to pee – oh hell no...not in Prague. It costs 5 cookies (Czech currency is called Kruna’s but we labelled them cookies, kuna-matatas, cronies, coronas and everything else besides their proper title) to use the facilities. 10 cookies broker, we decided it was time for lunch and stopped at a little cafe and enjoyed some free wifi. We trammed it back to our hotel and lazed for the rest of the afternoon.
We agreed to meet our tour buddies for dinner and spend the last of our Czech currency. We literally walked across the road to this cute but freaky pub which was filled with pictures of crazy cat ladies and skeletons. After enjoying a delicious schnitzel, we asked for the bill – 1000 cookies. Oh shit....we only had 750 between us. So after counting and then re-counting our money, we sent someone on a scavenger hunt to find more money – Steph is an awesome break dancer so we told her to go and busk so we could pay the bill and not be murdered by the freaky deaky Czech man. We were saved by Ange who gave us her last cookies – thanks Ange!
Ela updated her facebook status tonight...it read...”Hey Amsterdam – we’re here to fuck shit up”. Little did she know (because most of the time she has no idea) that we were actually going to Berlin. FAIL. Filia was quick to jump on Facebook and make a point of the fact that she is actually retarded – “but we are going to Berlin”. Massive embarrassment for Ela...again.
Day 49:
Today we headed to Berlin – we probably should have mentioned that as a sort of introduction to each major city, we play a movie on the bus that has something to do with our destination. On the way to Berlin, we watched “Beerfest” – for those who haven’t seen it, basically it’s just about this huge drinking competition in Germany, and a bunch of guys from the United States go and compete to win back their family brewery. This becomes relevant, we promise.
So after spending all day on the bus, we finally made it to our hotel (no air con + hot = sleeping on wet towels and in your undies people. Try it sometime). We only had time for a quick shower before dinner – this however turned into the most difficult showering experience to date; once Totti had finished, I made my way into the bathroom and ended up swimming to the sink. We didn’t actually have a showerhead – our shower was actually a bath with one of those hose things with a showerhead on the end. So anyway, I swam to the sink – I asked Totti if there was any particular reason she felt the need to flood our entire bathroom. Instead of pointing the hose towards the wall, it turns out she decided to shower with the hose pointing in the direction of the bathroom at large. Fail.
As we headed to dinner, the streets were already swarming with German soccer hooligans getting their pride on – trumpets, chanting, flags lots of face paint and cars with about ten people hanging out of them – it was pretty cool. Germany ended up winning and they celebrated well into the night.
At dinner Totti and I ordered a pork schnitzel (Yumo!!) and Filia and I decided to order a schteiner ( I have no idea if that’s the correct spelling, but it’s just what the Germans call this 1litre mug of beer) Inspired by the Beerfest film, Filia and I decided to have a sculling competition. Drunk before dinner anyone? So after downing one, we ordered another and went for round two. It was a pretty entertaining evening after that – we roamed around the streets of Berlin with a couple of the others from the tour group, for some reason I decided that steeling a fluffy orange dice from a street stall was a good idea.....as well as nicking flags from parked cars and using them to join in the German victory. The brick animals on the Zoo wall also became a hundred times for fascinating – they were three dimensional, therefore very interactive and interesting to touch when intoxicated. Filia also decided to jump into a nearby fountain – which upon inspection the next day turned out to be some war memorial. The dirty unimpressed looks from the previous night were suddenly explained :p) . And so we continued to wonder around – we ended up walking through a German fan zone with giant sprinklers and lots on interesting characters to talk to. We also decided to sing our own songs, as we had no idea what the Germans were chanting about. So the 80’s inspired much of the musical stylings for the evening, as well as the Backstreet Boys, Bon Jovi and the Spice Girls. I don’t think any of us can ever listen to those songs the same way again. So after passing by the life size lego giraffe outside lego land, and taking plenty of photos with him, we finally made it to our hotel and fell straight to sleep.
Day 50:
YAY, SLEEP IN!! All the keen beans opted to go on the walking tour this morning. We decided we’d rather sleep. I emerged tousle haired and puffy eyed, much to Totti’s amusement :p But we dressed, and decided that going to the Berlin Zoo would be an appropriate course of action for the day. Totti decided to get into the German spirit and started doing the Nazi salute and marched down the street. As hilarious as this was – it turns out that if anyone is caught doing this, or bearing the swastika symbol, they cop a ten year jail sentence. I think between the both of us we racked up a life sentence that day :s
So yay, the Berlin Zoo was amazing! It was a super hot day, so we strolled through the zoo happily licking icy poles in the shape of a hand pointing its index finger – delicious! We watched the monkeys and the giraffes, the elephants swimming in the pool, we saw polar bears and Zebras and all kinds of birds; one of which was about the size of a full grown man escaped out of its enclosure and decided to rampage through a crowd of people just as we were coming around the corner. I was in hysterics, the look of realisation on Totti’s face as she registered what she was seeing, then she took off in the opposite direction and did not return until the bird was back inside the enclosure :p how I laughed.
So after two more icy poles and a callipo, we finished waving at the animals and hailed a cab back to our hotel for some down time before our big night out – The Pub Crawl.
Since neither of us are big beer drinkers (yes, this may sound hypocritical after sculling 2 litres of beer) we decided to prepare some roadies to take with us – good old Vodka and vending machine coke. We were a little enthusiastic pouring our measures of vodka, so every time we took a sip of our drinks it literally burnt our face off. The group got driven into town on our tour bus, we sang and sipped our drinks and took photos of us. Photos of the bus. More photos of us. We then spotted a couple of helium balloons and decided that the wise thing to do would be to inhale them, and say things like “Nigga Please” and “Hola Miss Walker” – too funny. For some reason we decided that it was also a good idea for us to starting singing “MOVE, BITCH, GET OUT THA WAY” in our finest impersonation of Ludacris. Because our timing is impeccable as always, we sang this just as some stupid woman decided to walk out in front of our bus – we feel we did a good job that day, everyone was wetting themselves laughing.
We met up with our pub crawl guide – he administered us with a stamp and our free beer and we all hung around waiting for people to drink up before heading to our first destination. There were a couple of homeless guys we donated all our empty bottles to – I was even kind enough to leave him a swig of beer :p Totti politely asked if she could sit in his trolley purely for photographic entertainment – the photo looks as though she’s severely constipated and trying to go to the toilet in his basket. We were then joined by another tour group, whom harboured a man with the biggest ranga beard in existence – by this stage we were well on our way to being drunk, and Totti said (probably more audibly than intended) “It’s HAIRY FACE MAN” – he heard, obviously and retorted “And you shall be known as, small yummy thing”. So now that we were all on a first name basis, we stole his sun glasses and took really cool photos of ourselves.
We noted that on this particular evening, everyone was feeling rather athletic – because it’s what we do, we decided it would be a good idea to attempt heel clicking while in mid air – so then everyone jumped on the bandwagon – trying to do double and even triple heel clicks. When we got to the pub, there was a nice grassy area perfect for more athleticism displays and ghosting complete strangers. One guy caught on and turned around while Totti was in mid- ghost. Too funny!! So more heel click attempts resulted in split pants, revealing electric blue undies and the best photo ever! (go me) lol.
The bartenders sent our free shots, we did jager bombs and had a couple of rum and cokes, Totti almost got taken out by a leap frog attempt gone wrong, and it was time to move onto Pub #2. The night was filled with ridiculous photos and lots of drinking (yes, we are skipping the details, because we can’t remember them :p) we ended up at this beach club with fire twirlers and more drinks – and before we knew it, it was time to go home.
By this stage we’d worked up quite an appetite, after what felt like the LONGEST bus ride home in history, our entire tour group stopped home via a kebab stand (AMAZING) and we fed our faces while watching some poor bugger crash his push bike into a light post. So with kebabs in hand we all made our way to the hotel and turned in for the night.
Day 51:
FML, well eff our lives. Totti woke up to a half eaten kebab on her bed side table and I dragged myself into the shower. A super early start after a big night – needless to say it took us a while to get going. Much to our surprise (we say this because we are ALWAYS the last ones to be ready lol) we were the first downstairs and at breakfast.
The bus ride was rather entertaining, everyone exchanging stories and looking at each other’s cameras. Eventually we were all dropping off like flies, dozing off and trying to catch some desperately needed z’s.
It became long tedious bus ride – everyone was just keen to get off and walk around. We stopped briefly at a dairy farm where they made all these different kinds of cheeses – Totti was the first to raise her hand when the group was asked if anyone wanted to try some. Lol. She’s died and gone to cheese heaven twice now. They also made their own clogs, we got a demonstration on how to make them by the farm owner, there are now only 5 clog makers in all of Holland, and he was one of them. And so it was back on the bus – we’d almost made it to Amsterdam.
We made it to our very classy “Botel” a hotel that’s a boat, funnily enough. We thought it was funny, so we created an anthem “We at the ho-tel, bo-tel, holiday iiiiinnnn”. Anyone? No?.
We didn’t have much time to get ready (as usual) as our bus was banked up in traffic for quite a while, so we rushed onto the ferry that took us into the main city centre. As we got closer to the Red light district, things started to get...erm....interesting, for lack of a better word. We had all paid to go and see a sex show on our first night, and thank god we did it as a group!
Now...we both knew Amsterdam wasn’t for the faint hearted – and we had been warn that it was the capital of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll but HOLY SHIT it was NASTY. The sex show was made up of 5 acts. Some of you may want to skip this paragraph....The first act was a girl (prob only 19/20) out on stage dancing...well stripping really. She walked through the crowd and would lean over people and slap them in the face with her nasty breasts. She then proceeded to get one gentleman (from the other Topdeck Tour) on stage and lay him down on the stage. Next thing we know, she has a dildo up her hoo-ha – not a normal dildo, this one was a PEN. She wrote “bad boy” and drew a picture of a penis on this guys stomach. We were in hysterics but also grossed out....little did we know that it was going to get worse. The next act was a fattish lady who stripped and slapped boys with her boobs (seemed to be the running performance for the night).
The next act was the first lady and a feral man. The man (who was effing old and nasty) only had one boob...that’s right....just one! We watched them go at it for a good 10 minutes. Totti was completely disgusted because the guy kept on eyeing her off (we were in the front row) and everyone in our group kept giving her shit. It was REALLY foul! The next act required a volunteer – who better than Owen from our tour. He was sat on a seat on stage and a naked lady begun dancing around him. She then started pulling out this LONG bit of ribbon from her hoo-ha and putting it around him and all over his head. It was hilarious but SO nasty. Apparently he was told while on stage that the ribbon comes from a packet and is actually really clean...we beg to differ!
The last act was an oldish latino lady who was just dancing at first. She then asked people to come up on stage – there were about 7 people – 3 of whom were from our tour. She danced with them all....and then....oh my! LOL! She went into her bag of goodies and pulled out a BANANA. Fillia was up first – the lady put the nana in her hoo-ha and made Fillia take a bite. EW! Steph M was next – she had to eat the nana of the ladies boozy and Steph V got the easy task of eating the nana from the ladies belly. All in all...it was hilarious. Needless to say we all sanitised our hands when we left the bar!
We then enjoyed the finer things of Amsterdam....space cakes and joints!
Day 52:
Today we did our bike tour of Amsterdam. They do like their bikes, there are approximately 500,000 bikes in Amsterdam, 200,000 of which end up in the canals annually. There wasn’t anything specific to see – it was just a really fun and cruisy morning taking in the city and enjoying being in amongst the people. We stopped b y the ‘I Amsterdam’ sign and took some group photos etc.
After that we had to do some housekeeping, so we found a Laundromat and did our washing, finally! Something as simple as having clean undies goes such a long way when you’re travelling. We really should thank our mums more often for having fresh fluffy knickers ready for us all the time when we are at home :p
After that we were well hungry so we decided to go find some food and made our way to another one of Swenson’s Sweet Spots – a little store called Trunk. It’s got lots of little bracelets and leather goods, but more importantly we went for the bags – they make bags out of old shirts and different bits of clothes. Totti bought a cute checked Lacoste shirt/bag – which shall now be coined ‘Shag’.
As tonight is the last night with the tour group – we all paid to go on a canal cruise after our dinner at the Asian Palace. After that we made our way onto one of the bar boats and just spent the night taking photos and enjoying watching all the Netherlands supporters in the streets. Again we were lucky enough to be in the town of a winning team, however we were pooped and decided to go home via the yummiest soup kitchen, sweet potato soup anyone?
Ni night Amsterdam :)
Day 53:
FML. 7:30am departure from Amsterdam – we really hate mornings! Our destination...Belgium. We knew we were getting close when we stopped at a service station. On approaching the counter, we noticed the check-out chicks name....FRAU. We pissed ourselves laughing all the way back to the bus and were quick to spread the word about Frau!
Only a short drive and we were soon introduced to Brugge...yes that’s right...Dr Evil was a orphan boy from a 15yr old sex slave from Brugge – that’s where’s Daddy’s from. LOL. We were quoting him the whole time.
Brugge was really beautiful – the town square was full of markets with fresh fruit, cooked chickens and of course...WAFFLES! We decided we didn’t really need to see another church so we headed for the food. First stop, chicken. Second stop, chips with mayonnaise (a Belgian treat) and for dessert a massive Belgian waffle with whipped cream. We also bought some magical fresh strawberries. Ah....we had landed in food heaven.
We could barely walk back to the bus...so we rolled!
We caught the ferry from Calais to London and another bus ride took us into central London. We then said our farewells to our tour family and caught the tram to our hostel.
We’ve had an awesome 14 day trip – a big shout out to our awesome tour guide Adam who informed us that it we had popped his tour cherry...and to all our tour buddies – we will miss the laughs...stay in touch bitches!
Say hi to your farsha....FA-THER.
Ela & Kate xoxo
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