Ela & Kate do London...

Day 116: Dublin to England



We woke up relatively early to get to the ferry in time for 8am departure. Ireland being Ireland, gloomy grey skies coupled with pissing rain waited for us outside, so naturally our emotions gave in to the weather and we agreed today was going to be a shit travel day.


So when we bought the ferry tickets – we chose London...we swear we did! Anyways, 4hrs later on the ferry we arrive at a port called Holyhead – we jump off the ferry and head towards the train station looking for the Euston, London train. Upon looking at the departure screen, we both noticed the unusual spelling of some of the destinations. For example....Euston, London was spelt Euston, Londain. We soon figured out that we were actually in Wales and what we were reading was Welsh! Fail. So we can say we went to Wales...yup, the town of Holyhead. Woo!


Another 4hrs on the train and a quick switch to the metro and we were in the big old smoke of London. We were greeted by smiley Steve (Redder’s housemate) and as we walked along Old Street...ding-a-ling ding-a-ling...the one and only Redman caught up to us on his push bike. Bless.


We made ourselves presentable and agreed we would explore Brick Lane for dinner as it was only a short stroll from Red’s house. Brick lane was definitely an experience. It is home to a predominantly Indian community and as a result of this, the entire street is lined with restaurants dedicated to delicious Indian food. Each of the restaurants had an Indian man standing out front, shouting to potential customers as they passed by. They all try and top each others’ offers – they guy who offered us a free bottle of wine, a beer for Red and a foot massage for Totti got our vote, so in we went.


2 glorious hours later and we rolled out of the restaurant with full tummies. The guy suspiciously forgot about his offer to give Totti a foot massage, but we were well satisfied none the less. So we made our way back to Red’s house and turned in for the night.


Day 117:


We decided we’d earned ourselves a sleep in; so as we each opened one bleary eye and took a tentative peek out the window, we were greeted by blue skies – success! Just as a side note – the loo had been having some issues flushing. As I returned to our room, Totti was eagerly awaiting her turn to use the bathroom. I say eagerly because I returned to the nice lingering stench she kindly leaves hanging around. With a flare of her nostrils she looked at me and grinned. I told her to reconsider her choice of deposit in the loo, as the flush wasn’t working. The look on her face may have suggested that Christmas had been cancelled. No poo = no joy. Lol. I had to learn the hard way and had to beg Totti to re-attempt to flush my nugs down! Stupid toilet.


We headed into central London in search of the much talked about Top Shop in the hope to shop up a storm. Well we found it....please don’t hate us, but we didn’t think it was that great. But still, we went there :p After that we wondered up and down Oxford street for a while and came across a ticket vendor. 400 pounds later and we walked out with tickets to the Chelsea vs Westham game and tickets to see Andrew Lloyd Webber’s sequel to The Phantom of The Opera, called Love Never Dies. It was going to be a busy week!


Once we were all shopped out, we decided to take advantage of the bus tours once again. So we jumped on and explored London on big red open roof bus. We were happy as we received free ponchos on entry – for any unexpected rainfall. Because rain was so rare in England. A thankyou! Once we’d seen all the must see’s, we hopped off right in front of Hamely’s Toy Store – the oldest toy shop in the world. We felt rather special, as the doorman (who was dressed as a pirate, yes, a pirate) told us that Jude Law himself had been in there about an hour ago, purchasing a chess set.


After out action packed day, it was time to reunite with Michael and Paulina in Soho for dinner and drinks. It was nice to see them again, the new Mr & Mrs Walker looking happier than ever. We had a good night just catching up and enjoying a couple of drinks together. Before we knew it, it had gotten pretty late, so we said see you soon (as we’d see Paulina the following day and Michael again at the theatre) and headed home for some shut eye :)


Day 118:


Today it was time to visit the home of Anna Scott and William Thacker – yes, if you’ve seen Notting Hill then you know who we’re talking about :p We headed to Portobello Road with Paulina to visit the famous Portobello Markets. Ooooooo eerrrrrrr, shwanky. It was clearly an upper class area of London, very nice indeed. We had a great day strolling up and down the street, in and out of the shops – so many interesting little places, some of which we forced ourselves to leave, as we would have spent all our money in them. A successful shopping day all round though, we all left with something, yay for new stuff!


Shopping is rather tiresome, and it definitely works up an appetite, so we stopped in a little cafe and ordered a late lunch – Paulina and I got burgers and Totti decided to go traditional, and got bangers and mash. After lunch we headed back onto Oxford street and decided to do a little more shopping – we couldn’t possibly go to the theatre the next night without something new to wear. We realised that we only had two hours left before we had to be at the Ricky Gervais show, eep! So we said a quick goodbye to Paulina, rushed home, didn’t even have time to shower (gross, we know) did a quick hair and makeup job and were back out the door and into a cab towards the Appolo theatre in Hammersmith. Perhaps not the best day to select riding in the traditional Black Cab – it cost us 30 pounds as Hammersmith is a little far from central London. Travel fail! But never mind – it was worth it and it was a pretty nice drive.


Once inside we realised we were starving – surprise! We quickly located a hotdog vendor and before we knew it, were happily wolfing down two delicious, but over priced theatre hot dogs and went in search for Red and his lady friend. Bless their little cotton socks – they had two glasses of wine waiting for us :) We went to locate our seats and got ready to laugh. And laugh we did – the support act was pretty funny, he covered the usual topics such as masturbation and farts/poo. Everyone loves a good fart/poo joke. Well we do anyway – as soon as he ripped the first one out (a thankyou, see what we did there) we just turned to each other and absolutely LOST it. Apparently everyone missed the memo – for all our fellow boggers, you know why we’d find this funny – I pretty much have a portable symphony orchestra travelling with me lol.


Then on came Ricky – he was well worth the wait. His show was titled ‘Science’....it turned out it had nothing at all to do with science...haha. Basically he just talked about Noah’s Ark, and fat people the whole time. We did enjoy a good fat joke – Totti could hardly breathe, bent double with laughter, when he said that fat people used their rolls as shelves to hold their beverages, and high heels to retrieve packaged cakes from the frozen section fridge in the supermarket, because their stomachs obstructed their reach too much. A solid two hours of laughs. Money very well spent – thanks Red!


After the show we headed to a pub nearby for some drinks. A fellow Greek Island Hopper came to join us – Andee!! It was so good to see her again! After the pub we all headed closer into town to find somewhere to dance. We stopped at a club that looked like it was filled with 15 year olds – mostly because we needed to pee! We made a quick exit – which sucked, as they were playing really good music, but didn’t feel much like being back at our highschool social, so we left to find somewhere “older”. We ended up at some random place that wasn’t too busy which was nice. They played a few good tunes, which gave us the chance to showcase our awesome dance skills again :p But we soon got bored, and tired, and decided to leave Red and his Lady to boogie down some more.


A big shout out to Andee for coming to hang out with us xxx


Day 119:


Today we decided it was time to go and see how good Queeny really does have it; destination, Buckingham Palace. We met up with our Shamrocker buddies Jo & Clare, and prepared to take the grand tour of the State Rooms, which are open to the public during the summer months, as her royal highness is off at her other palace, for her vacation. Oooo errr.


At the entrance, we all immediately fell silent – it was the type of quiet that silences you before you set foot in a library, now on our best Palace touring behaviour, in we went. Call it opulent, extravagant, lavish, vast, spacious, any word, really, is an understatement; this place is truly amazing. We almost felt bad for treading on the same red carpet that the Queen probably drifts around on in her royal socks while wearing our converse smattered in mud and sub way soot. We saw the Throne Room, the Board Room, the Dining Room, the Room made for just sitting in when you have guests Room, the Room that has a table given as a gift by Napoleon Room, the Room overlooking the private gardens Room, the Room with paintings of all the Kings and Queens Room....you get the idea, many Rooms. Ok, we’ll stop saying Room.


The tour ended in the private garden – a pretty awesome backyard if you ask us; lots of room (ha, room) on the soft green grass for activities. Totti and I immediately identified it as the ideal place for some good grass to roll around on and some serious soccer playing. We couldn’t leave without a) doing an action shot off the palace steps b) dining in the garden cafe, but most importantly, C. What is ‘C’ you ask? Well by this stage, all sense of propriety and good behaviour went out the window – we had, after all, just gone two hrs of being super good...and quiet! It was time to unleash our usual selves back into the world. I pulled Totti aside, and pointed out the very serious business that if she did not, in fact, drop it like it’s hot, INSIDE Buckingham Palace, that it would be like sacrilege. I also informed her that it would be her greatest, most monumental fart achievement to date, if she were to leave a little sample of her airborne poo particles within the walls of the Queens house. I don’t think I have ever seen someone accept a mission so resolutely. So in true Totti fashion, with a wiggle and a jiggle of the belly region ( because according to fart-ologists such as herself “you know, it helps to get things moving”) she turned on her heel and marched back into the Palace. I waited with baited breath....wondering which poor soul would catch the first whiff of triumph. She emerged from the Palace doors with fists raised and a very satisfied smile indeed. “How was it?” I asked, returning the smile and beginning to laugh. With a giggle I was promptly informed that “it was good.....except I think someone heard”. Mission accomplished!


So with A and C complete, it was time for B – tea and scones. We all sat together, and had what is probably one of the most entertaining conversations of our entire trip, and it is one we will remember for a very long time. What do you talk about, over tea, scones and strawberries while sitting in the gardens of Buckingham Palace, you ask? Well, we’ll tell you. You wonder out loud what items the Queen has in her handbag. Clare wisely suspected that she carries a pair of glasses that look like fake open eyes, like the kind that Homer Simpson uses while he’s on Jury Duty – “well, if I were the Queen, I know I’d carry some” – the first of MANY belly laughs to come. We were interrupted by a killer bee who had taken a liking to our table, so after much girly screaming and frantic arm flapping, we captured it under a plastic cup and proceeded to tap the glass in a very mature and adult fashion, just to see what the bee would do. Then we would all scream as it buzzed angrily at us from the inside of the cup. Mature. After that minor interruption, we also wondered where Queeny’s bedroom was, as we would very much like to jump on her bed. We wondered if she owned any sneakers, if she wears socks around the house and drifts around her polished floors, if she cooks for herself, if she farts underneath her big Queeny robe. We wondered what kind of music she listens to on her i-pod, it’s totally Snoop Dog! We also exchanged fart stories from the Shamrocker tour, Clare, your “It was me” confession was friggan priceless, we are still laughing about it!!! By this stage we were in absolute hysterics – when Jo pulled out her ‘fart in the office’ story. Oh lord, we laugh cried. Bless you guys, funniest tea time EVER!!!!


It seemed we had attracted a lot of attention to ourselves – we don’t think that the words “fart” and “poo” had ever been so much as whispered within the walls of Buckingham Palace. Well, we had certainly changed that for the better. And now I can say that my mate let one rip at the Queens house. Gold.


We went into the gift store and bought some royal, commercialised merchandise and waited for the torrential downpour to end. With only a light drizzle left outside, we busted out our free ponchos (thankyou, big bus co.) and strolled very fashionably outside looking like two oversize bin liners. We ended up at a little pub and ordered a jug of Pimms and Lemonade and some lunch; homemade meat pies and a couple of serves of roast – yumo! We spent the afternoon reminiscing about our Royal Conversation - such a great day. Sadly we said goodbye to the girls and headed home to shower and get ready to go and see Love Never Dies


The show was pretty amazing – the set and costume designs were outstanding and we could not have acted out the play better ourselves. Definitely an experience, so a big shout out to Mummy Walker for the suggestion – seriously good stuff :)


Day 120:


Today it was time to go and see “the stones, you know the ones that stand in a circle, and have other stones lying flat on top of them. They don’t know how they got there, which is why they’re so cool” – A very astute description there by Ela. So with Stonehenge on the To Do list for the day, we hopped on our tour bus and set off. Our driver was a rather entertaining character – a kindly Indian man whom had even more descriptive prowess than I did while describing Stonehenge. “Ah, yiiuuu see, I don’t actualeee kno much aboot de Stones....I just leesten to de audio guide. Yes.” What was even more amusing than this, was when he told us to keep an eye out for some ancient burial mounds. “If you look over dere to de right you wheel see some....but there are more on de left dere.....oohh yiiiss, but look on de right. But dere are more on de left” You get the idea. We just looked at eachother and burst out laughing!!! So all in all these stones are aptly located at a place called Stonehenge. They are in actual fact, really cool, and the mysterious history surrounding them is really interesting, so we enjoyed our time attempting to look intelligent and pensive while surveying these mammoth stones in the blustery wind. Once we’d finished looking at the stones we headed back to the little gift shop and bought a poster each, then enjoyed a sausage roll and a cup of hot tea before hopping back on the bus to London.


This afternoon we would be making our way to Michelle and Ed’s house – we were looking forward to catching up with Shell, having a place to chill out and enjoy some home life for a couple of days. We arrived in Epsom to a big cuddle from Shelly (which was so long over due, we love cuddles) and made our way to casa di Shelly and Ed. We were greeted by Shelly and Ed’s loveable and energetic pooch, Leia. Cutest dog ever – in the end we deduced she was really a lesbian, as she tried to make out with Totti and I several times over the course of the weekend. We had a great time relaxing on the couch with big mugs of tea and sharing our stories from the last few months. We also enjoyed what we liked to call “family time” – over the course of the weekend we sat down to watch the U.K version of the X-Factor and enjoyed laughing at all the members of the general public who’s poor parents had lied to them and told them that they could actually sing. It had been a huge day, so we were well pooped and were grateful for the huge, squishy blow up bed waiting for us in our room. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Day 121:


Today was going to be an exciting day. With a sleep in under our belts, and vegemite on toast in our bellies, we prepared ourselves for the Chelsea vs Westham match. We made our way into London at around 11.30ish and met up with Shelly and Ed’s friend Simon (who would be our escort to the match, as Shelly and Ed were going to go and watch another match). We stopped at a pub for a pre match bevvy and then went our separate ways once back on the tube – “Take care of our little Hobbits, Simon”. And so we were off. It turned out We managed to score seats right in the Chelsea stand. Chelsea were the away team, so they had been dedicated one section of the stadium. What a great day – the most entertaining part of the match wasn’t even the players or the goals – it was the constant flow of abusive chanting the Chelsea fans were singing to the Westham supporters. One particularly amusing moment was when a small boy whom had an uncanny resemblance to Harry Potter tried his luck at yelling something to the Chelsea supporters. Bad move mate – all of a sudden the entire stand erupted into song, all pointing their fingers at this poor Westham fan “There’s only one Harry Potter, there’s only one Harry Potter” – poor bugger. He remained quiet for the remainder of the match :p His mother was definitely one to remember – at one point she decided to pipe up and yell things like “come on, ya wankers, lets see what ya got” (in her finest English Bogan voice) bad move. Again, in unison, the crowd erupted “does she take it up the bum? Does she take it up the bum”. Oh dear. Other such crowd favourites included “The wheels on the house go ‘round and ‘round”, “Chelsea Champions” and “Acton Park take your shoes off, Acton park take your shoes off”. In the end Chelsea beat Westham 3-1.


On the way out of the stadium the police had barricaded angry soccer hooligans from starting a riot, so once we’d made it back to the main road, we met up with Simon and his buddies and went to find a pub. By this stage they were well drunk, and consequently even hungrier. So instead of going to meet up with Shelly and Ed, we ended up at some Indian restaurant where we were entertained for the next three hours by Simon and his friends taking the piss out of each other, and the restaurant staff. With the typical dry English humour and the right amount of political incorrectness, they had us in hysterics for the duration of the dinner.


The poor cab driver copped it on the way back into London. Simon “To Waterloo station, please”...Simon’s friend who was also called Simon ”what do you want to go there for, you idiot. To Victoria Station, please sir”..Simon ”yeah, you’re right, Victoria Station”. Cab Driver “ok, Victoria it is” Simon “what the bloody hell do you want to go there for! Straight to Waterloo”....Simon’s Friend ”Oh for fuck sake Simon, we’re going to Victoria!!!” Simon “Ok, good idea”... LOL and so it went for the next half an hr. Poor cabbie. In the end, we did eventually make it home – one of the most random yet entertaining evenings on record!


Day 122:


Today we all slept in and enjoyed lounging around in the morning before heading into Shelly’s old home town of Dorking. We went into Simon’s pub (yes, the Simon from the night before) and enjoyed the most delicious roast lamb, followed by an equally yummy apple crumble. We had a really nice afternoon just sitting by the pub window in the sunshine in very good company :) On the way home we stocked up on some snacks, it was time for a movie night :)


Even though we had a really slack day, it was nice to just be able to relax and wind down before preparing for our last couple of jam packed days in London. We’d like to say another HUGE thankyou to Ed and Shelly for having us stay, we had an awesome time with you guys and Leia, and we love that you let us fart on your couch, and drink your tea. Much much love, and we can’t wait to see you soon! xxxxx


Day 123:


We’d said our goodbyes to Shelly and Ed the previous night – as they had to leave for work early the next morning, they left us to sleep in, and had gone by the time we woke up. We did intend to get an early start to the day, but that didn’t really happen. We ended up watching a movie and eating some two minute noodles before we even thought about walking out the door. Easing into the day, we call it :) So we finally left the warm and cosy house we had come to love, and caught our train back into London.


Tonight we decided to do the Jack the Ripper walking tour with Michael and Paulina – it was pretty cool to have the story told to us while going to all the places that the murders took place. Olden day London was definitely not a nice place to live! After the tour we went to a nice Thai restaurant and had a few laughs over the correct pronunciation of “fly lie” (fried rice). LOL. Overall a good night. Once back at our hostel we were keen to get some shut eye. We would like to thank the absolute imbecile who decided it would be a spectacular idea to get up at 1am in the morning and RE PACK HER ENTIRE SUITCASE, WITH ALL THE LIGHTS ON, MAKING AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE, SCRUNCHING PLASTIC BAGS, THEN STOPPING TO TAKE UNNECESSARILY LOUD GULPS OF WATER (as if she wasn’t already making enough noise). Totti and I just looked at each other from our bunk beds with gamma rays of hate shooting out of our eyes. We wanted that girl, whom ever she was, to die a slow and painful death. I sincerely wished Totti would let one rip, that it would linger in the air for an unpleasant amount of time, so that the girl would just GO AWAY. But we don’t think anything could have stopped her. This went on for an hour and a half before she FINALLY took her stupid face and left the room silent once more.


Day 124:


The next morning Paulina was shocked to find us looking so tired. We recounted the events of the previous night and thanked the stupid idiot girl for our lack of sleep. With that out of the way, we were looking forward to going on our tour of the London dungeon. It was so much fun! We recommend everyone go on it – they have actors dressed as all kinds of different characters such as Jack the Ripper, Sweeny Todd and so forth. They take you through what olden day London was like, how they executed people, what methods of torture were used. There are rides and mirror mazes and everything. Even though you know it’s not real, the atmosphere is really intense and there were a few moments where a little bit of wee may have come out. At one point Totti was so startled that I automatically followed her and we both ended up crashing headfirst into our reflections in the mirror maze. Yes, we screamed like little girls, thankyou :p The tour ended at the gallows, it was pretty cool, you all sit on a row of chairs that ascend to the hanging platform. There are nooses in front of each person, they keep you suspended there for a while and then all of a sudden the executioner pulls the lever and the seats all suddenly drop about 5 metres. The expressions on everyone’s face in the photos they take are hilarious. Definitely bang for your buck!


From there we went and rode on the London eye – spectacular 360 views of London while trying to photo bomb the people in the next pod definitely makes for a very productive afternoon indeed. After that we were feeling rather peckish and decided that we’d do something traditional, so we headed to the Mariott ( oooooo errrr) – it was time to have some high-tea. Yeah, not for 25 pounds a head it didn’t. Fail. We decided that we’d have our own version of High Tea, it consists of a cheese burger from Maccas and a Nutella and Banana/ Strawberry Crepe from the dude on the street. Take that, Mariott hotel!


Happy with our efforts for the day, we went back to Paulina’s to wait for Michael to come home from work. We did initially start watching Twilight, but fell asleep and woke up to the credits rolling. Fail. Totti then You-Tubed some of her favourite clips to keep us entertained for the remainder of the time we waited for Michael.


YAY – finally Michael had made it home; we had fun listening to the story he’d written as a child. Stupid dad and his stupid vegetables. 30 cents pocket money, what a rip off!!! LOL – funniest story ever. After that we went to a little Indian restaurant and enjoyed a nice quiet dinner before saying our final goodbye’s to Mike and Paulina. Thanks for a great couple of days guys, it was awesome to see you, and we can’t wait to have you home soon! Xxx


We have had a fabulous time in merry old England and we would like to thank all of those who helped make our time here so much fun. We can’t believe we are only two weeks from being home – we have come so far, but have so much left to do!! Next we conquer Japan – bring on Mt Fuji, Sumo fights, Sushi and all the rollercoasters!!!!


Say hi to your dad for us! Cheerio darlings, cheerio!


Love Kate & Ela xxxx