That’s Amore – Italia Part I.

Day 74:


Dearest Boggers and Floggers,


We have been thinking lately that our blog has lost some of its initial pizzazz....not as much siss boom bah as it once had. So we endeavour to rekindle some of that spark as we venture forth into the land of food and many things of the oldish kind. We hope that from now on our entries will have as much character as the boot shaped land. We will bring back the biff.


But before we do....we must tie up our little Greek odyssey.


TWO THINGS:


1: Totti has taken to air swinging in the direction of pigeons, just because she hates them. We can’t actually pin point where this hatred came from. We feel she could be suppressing a horrific childhood memory which entails her being mauled by pigeons at some point. Madray and Padray Totti – care to enlighten? So anyway, the air swinging - generally it’s enough to shoo them away. We joked about the day that she would finally connect with a pigeon, and the feeling of pure elation at FINALLY getting her revenge for all the times she has been publicly victimised by them. Wah. Feel sorry for her. It just so happened that this glorious day came upon us, casually strolling back to our hotel on our last day in Athens. Complaining about something as usual, Totti aimed a lazy kick in the direction of a terrorist.....But this time hit the jackpot. Her face was torn between feeling back, and shock – it was quite possibly almost two months worth of pent up frustration released in this one special moment, and I quote: “I felt bad....but then I was like, actually. Fuck you! Pay back’s a bitch”


2: We are now fugitives of Greece. Stupid metro and their non gates and no ticket booths! So there’s a bit story. We had discussed wether or not it was worth getting a taxi, as it would rape our wallets of 50 euro – we have taken to becoming tight arses, so we decided that the 1 euro metro option would be better, even if it did take longer, and meant dragging out luggage through the streets and sweating our faces off.


So we finally made it to the station with only a few minutes to spare and headed straight down for the train. We assumed that you could buy tickets down there, so we just strolled on through......no ticket booth......”let’s just hop on and hope for the best”.......make it through the train ride un-scathed.....spot some train police.....we try to look innocent and casual......fail. The first people they came to when the train stopped was us. FFS! We tried to pull the whole “we validated our ticket and threw it out” card. Not so much.


In the end they slapped us with a 60 euro fine EACH. The moral of the story – pay 50 euro for a taxi and don’t be such a tight arse! Needless to say, we are totally bad ass, fleeing the country without any intention what so ever of repaying this fine. We feel we spent our money’s worth on Gyros and drinks. Eff you, Greece!


And so we waved goodbye to Greece and had a little giggle as we flew towards our next point of domination – Italia. Touch down in Fiumicino was a welcome relief – once again we got stuck with a child who was in desperate need of an exorcism, we’d both developed twitches because the brat screamed for the entire duration of the flight. FML. Our freaking ears!


By this time we were well over eating Gyros (Sorry Matty, I know it’s sacrilege for you to read this but we needed some real mangiare! Lol), Totti had been craving Penne, which she so delicately pronounces “Pennay” in her most beautiful mock Italian accent. So I texted the order through to my aunt Nadia. When we arrived to the apartment she promptly dominated the kitchen and started cooking up a storm. Totti was practically salivating at the dinner table with knife and fork at the ready – the plate wasn’t full for long.


Well tired we were grateful at the prospect of having a real sleep in – with air con.....which turned our room into the north pole and by 3am we both located our hoodies because we were so cold...why not turn it off, we hear you ask? Well we couldn’t find the remote, and honestly, at 3am, CBF!


Day 75:


With a sleep in under our belts we rose to the warm Roma air and begun our domination – today’s stop, the Via Del Corso, for some retail therapy.


1hour....


2hour...


3hours...still nothing purchased. So, naturally we decided it was time for some pasta and headed to a local restaurant and proceeded to fill our faces with the goodness. We walked back to the metro station and caught the train back to Ela’s aunties.


That night we again fed our faces with delicious pasta and fried chicken breast. We literally ate ourselves into a food coma and passed out – little did Totti know that this was only the beginning of our food coma episode! Lol.


Day 76:


Another sleep in – we are getting good at these! We enjoyed a delicious breakfast of jam on toast together with some awesome pastries which Ela’s aunty purchased for us fresh every morning – thanks Nadia!


Today’s domination...St Peter’s square, the Vatican. We dressed ourselves in appropriate attire and made our way to the metro and headed for the Vatican.


Several photos later we were inside St Peter’s cathedral and Totti landed her eyes on the holy water – dear god, help us! She crossed herself with the sacred h20 and prayed for relief from bird attacks. Now we will see if there is a real god!


We spent a good while in the church – there is so much to see. We decided it would be interesting to go into the basement and see to catacombs. We were surprised to see the number of mourner’s still saying their prayers outside Pope John Paul’s tomb. A few crying old Italian ladies. Wah for them.


Next stop, the Sistine Chapel....pfffttt, eff that. Turns out Rome thinks it’s cool to charge people to enter a church, well we showed them. We turned away in disgust at the thought of paying to look at a church and decided our money was much better spent on some delicious Gelato and an Italia jersey. Eat that Sistine.


On the way back to St Peter’s, we were casually walking, every now and then throwing in a skip or two (for those of you who think we are strange, well we have developed a nice repertoire of walking styles for everyone’s viewing pleasure. We sing too) minding our own business when all of a sudden, BAM. I kid you not, a pigeon lands on Totti’s frickin head and spooks the shit out of us both. There were feathers everywhere, kicking, screaming. Totti makes a bolt for her life. WTF. “It must have been the holy water”, she says, with a fist shake thrown in for good measure. LOL. “Eff you pigeons, I will get my revenge!”


We decided that would complete our day being tourists in Rome and headed back to Ela’s aunties for another massive meal. Oh my. Eating our way to domination and rolling our way back down under. Totti says it’s like Christmas Day, EVERY day.


Day77:


No sleep in today – our alarms were set for 5am because we had to be on the first metro at 5:40am – destination: Camping Roma to meet our Bus-About group. FML.


We were happy to see that everyone else had mass amounts of luggage...not us. Uh-Uh! We set ourselves the challenge of packing only ONE overnight bag between the two of us. Eat shit, back pack, we hate you. We comfortably put all of our clothes into one tote bag for the next 3 days. We even only had 1 toiletry bag – it really was the bomb diggity! Lol.


We were on the bus by 8am and begun our trip down to Pompeii. It was actually the hottest day in history today (worse than our Berlin weather) so we sweated our faces off as we were guided around the Pompeii site. It was a really interesting tour complete with awesome action shots – we totally fucked shit up in Pompeii.


I just need to interrupt here for a second. Now, we all know that Italian’s are very open about the human form, in fact they often like to encourage freedom of phallic expression: Enter Winged Wangs. I don’t think I have seen such a look of awe and delight on Totti’s face since she kicked that Pigeon. With winged Penis’s a plenty for sale – yes she bought one. For shame. Actually it was pretty friggan funny. Apparently it’s a symbol of fertility. Sure sure, i reckon it’s just an excuse to rock out with your wang out. A thankyou! lol


After our 2hr tour we took refuge in the Pizzeria where we enjoyed a delicious traditional Pizza Napoletana and downed a nice cold Coke. Mmm....life is good!


We continued our journey to Sorrento where we were camping for the next two nights. We were feeling the heat by this stage so we retired to our little tent for a well earned siesta.


Well rested, we ventured into town and made a visit to the “Lemonchello” (Limonciello) factory. Ah so many flavours...we HAD to try them all. FML. I had to drag Ela kicking and screaming away from the factory – she was in wog-kid heaven. The Lemonchello killed any taste buds I ever had – feel the burn. We met up with the rest of our tour group and enjoyed a 4 course Italian feast. Belissimo.


Our tour guide took us to a cocktail bar where Mario and Luigi poured the cocktails long into the night – standard measures of alcohol do not exist in Europe, the term ‘free pour’ is the most delicate way to describe their methods, so they were rather potent concoctions and did not take long to sink in. We have a running joke now “Would you like some coke with your rum?”. We left Mario & Luigi in the wee hours and were walking to another club when Totti stole a soccer ball from some street kids. She bolted a few metres with it before guilt got the better of her and she decided to return it. Somehow simply HANDING the ball back totally escaped her thoughts, so she decided to BOOT the bloody thing back over the over our tour group to the kids, buuuuuut she missed kicked it and smacked our tour guide square in the face. EVERYONE lost their shit, literally tears of laugher as the whole street was bent double, clutching their stomachs. Totti’s face was priceless. Our tour guide, Ben, was a bit of a princess (if you get my drift)...he even has a Katy Perry dance. LOL. His words when he got hit “OMG. OMG. I’m going to have a black eye!”. LOL. So funny. We laughed all the way to the next club – while Ben cried! LOL.


We soon decided to part with the Sorrento nightlife and bus it back to our campsite – lucky we did too, within 5 minutes of us tucking ourselves in, it bucketed with rain. It was quite amusing hearing the footsteps of our fellow tour peeps rock into the campsite during the downpour. We giggled!


Zzzz....


Day 78:


Today we were off to explore the Isle of Capri – known for its lavish views, expensive shopping and gorgeous swimming lagoons...oh and the blue and green grottos!


We met with the rest of our tour group at the camp reception...then it rained. Not just a sprinkle, it pissed down. Boo. Well everyone apparently had spoken to God the night before and were warned about this downpour, we missed the memo. And..lucky for us the little homeless man in San Francisco stole our pretty pink umbrella so we were left to our own devices to seek shelter from the rain. Ela followed her intuition and decided the best shelter would come from a brochure of Sorrento which she stole from the reception counter – she had just washed her hair, literally 20minutes before the rain (she said it was a good hair day too!). Unfortunately the brochure soon disintegrated and she became a drowned rat with shit hair!


We finally made it to the water’s edge where we got picked up by a boat. Hangover + waves as big as Mt. Everest = VOMIT.


As we finally rocked our way into Capri (so much relief), we decided that Sofia Loren was a villa whore with too much money. That is all.


We caught the bus from Port Piccola up to Capri and strolled around looking at all the richies and the spectacular views. This place was way out of our league so we caught another bus along the “OH MY GOD” road to Ana Capri – literally a road built into the cliffs edge, no more than 1.5 metres wide. It was a very hair raising ride when bus met bus on the edge of the cliff. Eeekkkk! We could put a finger out the window and be in the bus next to us.


Once we got there we located this giant chairlift that went to the very top of Capri and decided it was time for an adventure. The chairlift was AMAZING – 360 degree view of Capri and surrounding islands, single chair, peace and quiet. We spent a good hour at the summit taking photos and admiring the views. We are developing quite a collection of spectacular action shots – look out Filia and Steph, we see you! Then after another peaceful ride back down the mountain, our stomachs decided it was time to have some lunch, naturally we selected to eat some “pennay” at a restaurant overlooking the beach, and enjoyed the serenity.


Well fed and falling into a serious case of 3:30-itis, we found a rock on the beach and basked in the sun while we waited for our boat to pick us up and take us back to camp. Too lazy to actually swim ourselves, we contented ourselves with living vicariously through the hundreds of enthusiastic bathers already enjoying the water. Yes, we have taken laziness to a new low.


On the way back to camp we took a detour around some more of the island and we came across a massive yacht named “Magic” – yes, Magic Johnson was hanging out on his MASSIVE yacht in Capri, claim to fame bitches. We also saw the houses that belong to Georgio Armani, Michael Douglas, The Chianti Wine owner and the Fiat owner. These guys seriously have money to burn. There were also numerous other villas that belonged to people with too much mula, but we tuned out, information overload. We also passed through the lover’s arch – it is part of these three huge cone shaped rocks the stick out of the sea, and the one in the middle has a natural arch in the bottom of it, supposedly if you kiss your lover at the moment you pass under the arch, you live happily ever after. How sweet. (Vom).


Seeing as it had been a jam packed day, we hiked it all the way back up the cliff side and passed out in our cabins............3 Hrs later.....missed dinner........it’s dark.....it’s cold.......we’re hungry......what time is it??? 9pm. Siesta fail. We trudged up to the camping ground restaurant looking like zombies. Hair was all tangled, eyes bloodshot and popping out of our heads, dazed looks on faces and minor drooling down the side of the face. Yes. It’s true.


So we were seated and a young, relatively attractive waiter came to take our order. So it began. “Oh, you have beautiful eyes” I just sat there and rolled my eyes, having heard this phrase about a million times. Totti just sits there and bats her eyelashes, relishing the compliment. “My name........is Francesco, what is your name?” “Kate”. Oh god, please kill me now. Did he mention that he was an engineer? “So. Kate – we go soma where a and drink a something?” (P.S everyone, he still had not acknowledged that I was even alive, or the fact that I may actually want my dinner some time soon). He then indicated me with a jab of his thumb over his shoulder and exclaimed “or you hava too-a staya with her-a all nighta?” My face was blank, I had no words. He finally left, our meal came, and we ate. Totti wanted a take away and asked me if I thought they would let us take our left over pizza away. I replied and told her that the waiter would probably give her what ever she liked. Sure enough, it went like this: “Can we please have this to take away?” “Ah....Kate... You—ah cana hava.....what ever you lika!” *insert sex eyes*. LOL. FML.


We paid a bill and headed back to our tent...Totti left Francesco with a “maybe” that she’ll come back and have a drink with him. We both passed out from an intense food coma...how unfortunate, poor Francesco!


Day 79:


We said goodbye to our luxurious twin share tarp tent with one door and one window and boarded the bus for the much anticipated Amalfi coast drive. The beginning of the drive was spectacular – words really can’t describe what this place looks like, you have to see it for yourself (or...look at our awesome photos when we get back!). They say that going to heaven would be just like another day in Amalfi – so effing true. We stopped at Positano for a stock up of fresh fruit..mmm...peaches! We took some photos and enjoyed the view. Interesting note: Along the coastline, residents with even number plates can only drive on every other day – like water restrictions back home. Also, buses are only allowed to drive south – one way.


We stopped in Amalfi for a good 3 hrs where we boarded a boat. The best way to see and capture Amalfi is definitely by sea and we got some great pictures. We saw some watch towers that were built a long time ago – they were old! Back on land, tummy again made a ruling that we must find Arancini – OMG. Totti had died and gone to heaven. Rice balls made in pasta sauce and fried in bread crumbs – seriously Italy...you are killing my 6-pack!


After our delicious feed, we wandered around the streets with one of our busabout buddies, Kristy. She had taken a liking to us on the first night at dinner, when totti amused her with her boganesque Ee-taliano. Oh. My. God. Apparently in Italy, there are such things as “Vine-Oh”, “Pennaayy” , “Fet-oo-chin-ay”, “Party Pasta (the pasta that they make out of three colours” “Leeemon-Chello” “Graz-ee”. I don’ think I have ever cringed to much in my whole entire life. Hilarious.


So anyway, Totti, Kristy and I wondered into a pasta shop and it began, ripping out all of the buzz words from dinner, the shop keeper was looking at us with pure horror on her face – seriously entertaining!


It was time to head back to the bus and make our way to our final destination – Ravello. We had been looking forward to going up there (yes, because we haven’t already eaten enough) because apparently there was meant to be this place that made the BEST sandwiches EVER. So after all the hype, we just had to see what all the fuss was about. Taking one for the team, again.


Oh. My. Lord. The sandwich was literally as big as our face. We have photographic evidence. It was AMAZING. Salami.....Provolone.....Prosciutto......More cheese.......More salami.....Sundried tomatoes......Eggplant...... Totti got dominated by her sandwich, and because I am a good little wog child, I kept eating, even though I was full to bursting. There was no way I was going to let the stray cats eyeing off my sandwich get anywhere near it. I’d rather pass out from eating too much. So it did live up to expectations, but we were so full we dragged ourselves back to the bus and sat in silence for the remainder of the trip back to Rome. Literally a food coma! Totti would like to point out “Notice how we don’t write anything about what Ravioli looks like?” WTF, she means Ravello. LOL.


We FINALLY made it back to my aunties house, grateful for a normal shower, a normal bed that wasn’t in a tent smelling of plastic. Now.....how can we possibly be hungry after everything we had eaten that day.....We’re full, seriously, we can just have a light dinner.....do you girls want pizza? Ok. Wow, really had to twist our arm on that one. My god. We actually suck!


We called it a night and decided to start packing for our trip to Sardegna the next morning.......well Totti packed, I had massive CBF and felt I had all my gear in order, so we turned in for the night, looking forward to the next four days, which would be spent on the beach, then feeding our faces off at my aunties beach house.


Day 80:


Well what can I say, it pays to be organised sometimes (thanks Dad for that gene). I had packed the night before – knowing quite well that we had ALOT of souvenirs that we had to be reunited with and somehow fit back into our luggage. Ela actually sucks. When we left Aus, Ela had her rack sack, her laptop bag and a hand bag....Ela now has – her rack sack, a tote bag, her laptop bag AND a hand bag. WTF. So we decided we should both get rid of our tote bags and buy one suitcase to fit all our souvys in...except coz Ela sucks only she managed to put all of her CRAP (souvys plus crap) into the suitcase. So...Ela carried, her rack sack, her suitcase, her laptop bag, her tote bag and her hand bag...while I laughed...hyseterically...there were tears. She was angry – I laughed some more. Crazy bag lady, I reckon she has some crazy cats in her bags too. Boo.


We packed up the car and bid farewell to Ostia and headed to the port. Some Pringles and h20 to ease the pain we boarded our ferry to Sardegna. 6hrs later...annoying Grandma speaking Italian....annoying kids pulling hair....annoying...annoying...we arrived. Lucky for us we parked the car first in line so we were the first to get off the boat – yippee! Sardegna is island famous for its beautiful beaches and chilled our atmosphere. Heaps of famous people choose Sardegna as a holiday destination as do majority of the Italian population!


We arrived at our beach house and Maurizio got straight on the job and fired up the BBQ. Ah...food...food...more food. We started with salami...then had some lamb....some more lamb...some salad...some vino...more lamb...starting to baa now....more lamb....Su Katie bevi, bevi, bevi!! Again, Italy had put us deep into a food coma. Zzzzzz....


Day 81:


We awakened to a plate of fresh pastries and fruit – we were very spoilt. After breaky, Maurizio picked us up and dropped us at the beach. The beach was filled with hundred of Italians getting their tans on – white sand and clear waters. Nadia (Ela’s aunty) couldn’t handle the sand for very long so she ditched and left us to even out our tans. 6hrs later and a very crispy bum we moseyed back to the house where we were fed until our belly buttons turned into outies. Tuna pasta with spicy tomato sauce...entree. Pork chops and salad for main course. I’m smelting in deliciousness!


There is always room for gelato, right? Yes. So we walked into the Piazza – through the night markets and swarms of people...to the gelato store, and beyond. Delicious. We people watched from a park bench for a little while and then headed back to get ready for our evening at the club.


A quiet night at a beachside bar where Ela’s cousin works. He kept the free drinks pouring as I attempted to sing along with the Italian singer. Fail. Ela ghosted some old couple doing the salsa with her Beyonce moves...Nadia got jiggy with it on the dance floor. I did the twist...for old times sake. Fun.


Zzz...


Day 82:


A bit of washing, a movie, more food, daytime siestas and more food. It was really nice and relaxing. We then went to the wholesale (bulk grocer) to help Maurizio and Nadia stock up on food for dinner. Meanwhile...while they did adult stuff, we explored the wholesaler and found a giant Nutella jar, giant Cheese slabs, body moisturizer with cheeky titles and tested many deodorants. Mature...we even got to drive the trolley!


So clearly an hour or two had passed and no food had been consumed, so we made our way back for dinner. Massive fresh fish over baked to pure deliciousness accompanied with roasted potatoes and salad. Oh dear lord...help me now! It was soooooooooo tasty. If only I could bring you all back a little nibble...sorry!


So relaxed and content, we finished with a exotic fruit which I can only describe as Marmalade fruit. It was the strangest thing – had bits of orange, lemon and grapefruit. Delicious....especially with chocolate!


Day 83:


We headed to a different beach today – soaked up some more sunshine, munched on some more fresh fruit. Ela had an interesting encounter with a saggy boob. She was casually wading in the water, admiring her surrounds whilst waving her arms from side to side when a old lady walked a little too close to her – Ela copped a hand full of sag. She ran screaming out of the water, much to my entertainment! Ha.


Now I know you’ve probably heard this before, but can you guess what we did next? Yes, we ate. Lol. Pasta cocktail – penne, bowties and spirals...pasta heaven! Usually we wouldn’t complain about eating a massive mountain of pasta, however we realised that 3hrs later we had to back up and do it again at dinner.


We enjoyed a nice family meal - the menu went something like this:


Appetizer: Salami, Sardegna bread, Olives, Cheese, Tuna peppers


Entree: Massive bowl of penne pomodoro and basilico


Main: Pitzaiola – veal soaked in tomato sauce and potatoes on the side


Dessert: Assortment of delicious Sardinian biscuits – from amaretti to meringues followed by more Vino, Limoncello and Rum & Coke.


Day 84:


Today Nadia took us to a little beach hideaway, she explained to us that this was the spot where Princess Dianna was the day before she died. It’s got very little actual beach, but is famous for this massive rock where people climb up and sunbake. We decided to bomb the crap out of it instead. We had a lot of fun climbing and exploring all the rock formations and trying to achieve the biggest splash with our dives.


We feel that the highlight of the day (besides the amazing view and crystal clear water) was when Maurizio arrived with a portable refrigerator full of lunch type goodness. So we spent the rest of the afternoon feeding our faces on prosciutto, bread and rockmelon. Needless to say that we couldn’t really swim afterwards, we just sunk. So we waded in the shallows and skimmed rocks for a while. Good times.


By the time 4pm rolled around we had to say goodbye to our little lagoon and make our way back to the house – we had a plane to catch :( On our way home we stopped to say goodbye to Valerio and Zio Elio, sad to have to leave them so soon.


It was then time for one last giant feed – another delicious BBQ followed by some gelato. We enjoyed our last meal with Maurizio and Nadia; a big shout out and a huge thank you for everything they did for us. We said goodbye to our basement home and loaded up the car with all our gear, and headed toward Olbia airport: Destination, Florence.


So far Italy has been good to us, and our stomachs, we look forward to more eating and more eating.....and more eating...... keep an eye out for Part 2 of domination Italy.


But it’s ciao for now as we make our way to Florence, Pisa, Siena and the Cinqueterre.


Say buongiorno to your Padre for us,


Kate & Ela


Xxx